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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this wedding reception was cheeky?

92 replies

NoCakeReception · 06/11/2017 11:16

A couple DP knows got married recently, in the Caribbean at quite short notice. No friends or family went but they had a joint ceremony with some friends. Photos looked beautiful, really hot and idyllic. They've been together years and everyone was very happy for them, sent congratulations on Facebook etc.

When they got back, we received a very formal A5 invite to the joint wedding reception, to be held this Saturday. Much was made of speeches, dress code, strict RSVP etc. "Gifts / money a bonus!" said the invite. Great, we thought. I've only met them a few times but DP used to be close to the groom so we thought it'd be fun.

So we dressed up in the specific style requested, put £50 in a nice card (we're not well off), and went along. It turned out to just be in a pub, not even a sectioned off area, so we were all hugely overdressed. It was very busy. The brides were in wedding dresses shouting at the other pub-goers for talking over the speeches. There was no buffet, no champagne for the toasts, no money behind the bar. The wedding cakes were on display, but they didn't cut them, so we didn't get any. The groom didn't even speak to us, though the bride said hello and thanks for the card. So basically we spent a few hours awkwardly standing in a crowded pub, hungry and overdressed, to give them some cash.

AIBU to think this is cheeky?

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 06/11/2017 16:47

The weirdest part was a very strict request for RSVPs to be returned to a specially set up email address, weeks in advance... For a pub open to the public

Do you think there's any chance they were hoping for more people, and that they might have actually bothered to, at very least, organise a separate section if they'd got them?

Andylion · 06/11/2017 16:51

Some people really just don’t know how to plan stuff, I’ve been to a few weddings over the years where bride & groom obviously couldn’t plan to save there lives.

But there is, literally, an entire industry devoted to planning weddings. At the most basic level, buy a bridal magazine or go online to see what you need to consider.

Bubblebubblepop · 06/11/2017 17:02

Wedding magazines are great for dresses, favours and invites - which seemed to go ok for the wedding in question Grin

RhiannonOHara · 07/11/2017 09:56

The weirdest part was a very strict request for RSVPs to be returned to a specially set up email address, weeks in advance... For a pub open to the public

That does suggest that they were expecting a crowd and would have reserved an area accordingly.

Either that or they're just a pair of weirdos.

andherplayfulsheep · 08/11/2017 14:18

Ouch, I think you've been scammed! Very similar happened to us. We got invited to the evening part of a wedding a week or two in advance (invites were sent out ages before that) so it was obvious we were just making up numbers. I refused to give money and bought a little gift instead, really pleased I did as they seemed a bit put out that we needed to put the gift next to the box they'd provided for their cards and money! No food for the evening guests, just some dried out wedding cake lying around that the kids had probably sneezed and nibbled on. We left early to get a takeaway as we were starving. I've never been to a reception that doesn't feed their evening guests before and it still irks me as we were blatantly invited as they were hoping for some more cash!

redfish18 · 08/11/2017 14:23

Why didn't you google the venue??

BitOutOfPractice · 08/11/2017 14:32

Googling the venue wouldn't have told them there was no separate room, cake, toasts, buffet or music or anything else to mark it out as a wedding would it?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/11/2017 14:39

When I say 'much was made' I mean it was a very formal, embossed invitation

No doubt they worked out that pretending to hold a proper reception was the best way of maximising what folk would give, while still spending as little as possible Hmm

Originalfoogirl · 08/11/2017 14:49

“Gifts / money a bonus” would seem to me to be a way of saying “don’t feel you have to bring a gift”. That’s how I would read it.

50 quid is way too much for a casual acquaintance. I’m also wondering why, if others got the same invite, you were the only ones over dressed?

Lostflipflop · 08/11/2017 14:52

Out of interest.....what was the dress code?

WomblingThree · 08/11/2017 14:53

How were you “overdressed” if everyone got the same invitation with the same instructions on? Confused

WomblingThree · 08/11/2017 14:53

Great minds....

NoCakeReception · 08/11/2017 14:58

I did Google and saw it was a pub. Hadn't been there before though so assumed it had a function room.

You're right, £50 was too much. But when we've paid that for a 'proper' evening function, it hasn't been... For food, band, décor, drinks etc.

The theme was 'Hawaiian' and most of the guests dressed accordingly (so yeah, under-dressed rather than over-dressed Grin )

We looked pretty stupid against the backdrop of the rest of the pub, probably 2/3 of whom were well wrapped up pub locals on a casual November night out...

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 08/11/2017 15:24

Jesus wept! Feel sorry for this pisstaking cheeky fuckers? 50 quite isn't much for an evening do? What planet do you live on, Planet Mug?

I would never have gone to such a thing in the first place, come on, it's not even a real wedding, just a scam to con money out of people, you seriously didn't see that coming? And then a dress code on top of that?

This is an expensive lesson to learn, but when you get invitations like that, save your money and decline.

RosaTheOwl · 08/11/2017 15:36

that's AWFUL. Clearly a set up for cash. I presume the dress code is going to be for a heavily edited set of photos.

Bubble "That's what my friend did bless her"

bless her?!!!

RosaTheOwl · 08/11/2017 15:39

expat "you seriously didn't see that coming?"

I don't think I would either and I'm quite harsh about stuff like this. Then again, I don't go to weddings unless I know people really well so luckily I'd have said no just because of that.

OP I'd be really tempted to get in touch with others at the wedding for a rant. And a group call for a refund! Grin

letsdolunch321 · 08/11/2017 15:42

Cheeky fuckers ..... some people have no shame

BitOutOfPractice · 08/11/2017 15:45

Hawaiian theme! Og this gets better and better! Grin

RosaTheOwl · 08/11/2017 15:51

Bit - Hawaiian theme is so they could edit the photos into their Caribbean photos and in future show strangers pictures of their huge wedding and the cakes that no guest ate!!

GracielaSabrocita · 08/11/2017 15:56

No doubt they worked out that pretending to hold a proper reception was the best way of maximising what folk would give, while still spending as little as possible

Exactly.

NoCakeReception · 08/11/2017 16:01

I'm pleased to say I drew the line at new outfits Grin

In my defence, we don't go to many weddings/receptions and all the others we've been to have been great fun... At least I have something to add to the shit wedding threads that pop up now, I guess Grin

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/11/2017 16:06

Puzzledandpissedoff Wed 08-Nov-17 14:39:55
When I say 'much was made' I mean it was a very formal, embossed invitation
No doubt they worked out that pretending to hold a proper reception was the best way of maximising what folk would give, while still spending as little as possible

=========

I agree with Puzzled. These are not friends either and they will have gained money but lost friendships from people who do not expect friends to rip them off. There's no excuse and this was just calculated and manipulative.

OP... I would have fallen for it too. Formal invitation, RSVP, Formal dress... and no class or consideration for their 'guests'.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/11/2017 16:07

You do indeed, OP! Grin

BewareOfDragons · 08/11/2017 16:09

Cheeky Fuckers!

It was a money grab and nothing else. Wow. I wouldn't have handed over the card.

They're not your friends. I'd ask for it back!

Primaryteach87 · 08/11/2017 16:37

The invitation said "gifts/money a bonus" so hardly a situation where you are forced to give huge amounts. I'm sure some friends and family would give to them because they wanted to not as some sort of payment in lieu of service....