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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is really tight?

87 replies

Snap8TheCat · 05/11/2017 18:36

Dd went to a birthday party after school on Friday, official invitation and everything. She came home and changed and went to the little girl’s house at 4pm so definitely a party and not just a play date. She was one of about 7/8 guests.

We duly bought a present (£12) and card as indeed you should and dd came home with not so much as a sniff of birthday cake. She said there was a cake and they sang happy birthday but it wasn’t sliced up and offered.

They played pass the parcel and the birthday child won

The rest was just playing in the child’s playroom which is fine, dd said she had a good time.

I just think the whole thing is a bit cheeky. There is a bit of background with this family and piss taking but isn’t it a bit greedy to accept presents and not even give a slice of cake?

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 05/11/2017 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coddiwomple · 05/11/2017 19:53

You can buy a birthday cake for a tenner in any supermarket, you have to be ridiculously tight to resent (and refuse) to share it with your guests!

Are people that bothered about party bags? I really can't see the point, and at least half the people I know seem to agree. What would be rude would be to have them ready, but not give them away to the little guests!

Openup41 · 05/11/2017 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/11/2017 19:54

For some people a tenner is a huge percentage of their entire grocery shopping budget

Didiplanthis · 05/11/2017 19:54

My Dc's often had very elaborate cakes (made by GP's) which we lit and sang to, then we sliced up traybakes ( also homemade ) to put in party bags as the elaborate cake was a sodding nightmare to cut into party bag sized bits due to shape ! Also I suspected the time taken to make elaborate cake may have rendered cake slightly stake and tray bake was nicer !! Never thought I might be being judged for this !!!

reup · 05/11/2017 19:56

I knew a kid who had a sports birthday party every year and every year he won the best player award! The invitees got increasingly fed up with going.

MissEliza · 05/11/2017 20:01

From the Op it sounds like there was no birthday tea. If so that’s just rubbish. Is there any chance the host parents forgot to give the cake out because my friend did that last year?

bimbobaggins · 05/11/2017 20:09

Was just going to ask because it doesn’t seem clear from the op but we’re they fed anything at all?

RedForFilth · 05/11/2017 20:09

I'm sure your kids will have many more opportunities to eat cake throughout their lives. I'd probably think the parents just forgot what with all the kids running around.
Also, was the birthday child winning the prize deliberate? If so then that's strange on their parents part but some people turn round when the parcel is being passed so they wouldn't know who it landed on its aim.

RedForFilth · 05/11/2017 20:10

It's aim=iyswim sorry!

potatoscowls · 05/11/2017 20:13

Sorry but if money is tight you shouldn't essentially con people for birthday presents

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/11/2017 20:14

Well yes, Red, we all realise it wasn't the last chance ever for op's child to eat cake
If you were invited to dinner and your host forgot to feed you, would you really think "oh never mind, I'll get another chance to have dinner tomorrow"?

Original poster

Snap8TheCat · 05/11/2017 20:18

Oh dd isn’t bothered. I only know because I questioned her to find out how much she had eaten so I could decide if she needed feeding dinner. There was some food, crisps, fruit, veg sticks, biscuits, etc so she wasn’t hungry, I’ve no issue with that.

As I said, the money was already spent on the cake. Why flaunt it in front of the children if you’ve no intention of giving them any. If it was for family at the weekend then fine, leave it hidden.

OP posts:

RedForFilth · 05/11/2017 20:21

I just don't see why its such a huge issue as there could be a number of reasons for the lack of cake. Did they not feed the kids though? Must have missed it but I thought it was just the cake that got forgotten.

Trafalgarxxx · 05/11/2017 20:22

I wiodnt expect my child to bring anything back home. And I would actually be relived to see them coming h8me wo any tat.
No b’day cake is a big . I would have expected them to eat some when they were there.

As for not doing anyth8ng else than playing pass the parcel, again I can’t see an issue. They played, they were happy, why making it somth8ng so much bigger??

Trafalgarxxx · 05/11/2017 20:24

Hav8ng said that, I think it’s quite common for people to cut the nice cake in front of everyone and then give them a piece of a much cheaper cake to bring back home.
Ive seen that a few time where I live.....

So it looks like they’ve done that but wo the ill give you a piece of the crappy supermarket cake that no one is ever eating.

monkey42 · 05/11/2017 20:24

I'm astonished at the replies on this thread, my children are older now but I hated the party bags, both giving and receiving them, would have a cake which was rarely eaten when offered, and would often have low key parties for them. Despite telling people not to bring gifts as there was not a big party people still insisted on very big gifts, think £25 plus, and I was embarrassed at the excess, as well as the amount they had spent versus mine. Affluent area ++, so probably says more about their own anxieties etc..

Original poster

Snap8TheCat · 05/11/2017 20:24

Well you’ve agreed with me trafalgar I haven’t made a big deal about any of the things apart from the cake. Why invent things I haven’t said?

OP posts:

iamyourequal · 05/11/2017 20:27

They should have given a slice of cake away with each guest. The cake had already been bought (and we have just heard they live in a big house) so it's not adequate to excuse abysmal etiquette with the unlikely excuse they are poor! And for any party holders who are poor, Aldi sell great big party cakes for £3-99 which could be cut small enough for 20 kids! Your DD enjoyed herself a least. So that's good. My kids have been to parties where cake is produces but not shared. It has always been in expensive venues with a party host where the parents don't have to do anything but turn up. I've always thought it ironic that the only one job expected of then - cutting and wrapping a few bits of cake, is beyond their level of input!

BishBoshBashBop · 05/11/2017 20:28

Oh dd isn’t bothered

No need for you to be then really.

RainbowBriteRules · 05/11/2017 20:29

Cake hardly ever gets eaten in our party bags. They have eaten enough crap at the party usually and really don’t need any more.

another20 · 05/11/2017 20:31

We had a party once where a child had to leave early. We had not done the candles and cake thing by then - but the child stood tugging at me demanding cake and party bag alongside his mother who just rolled her eyes ... muppet me then interrupted whatever was going on to do the cake then so that I could cut the cake up foe this kid -- what an idiot I was.

I hate mashed up cake being eaten in the back of my car from a soggy napkin.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 05/11/2017 20:37

We had my dd B-Day a couple of weeks ago. The staff at the party who were cutting the cake said could she just slice the cake and put on the table as it would take too long to wrap it all up in napkins etc.

Didn't bother me but didn't realise people would be judging because the kids went home without a slice of cake and had ate it at the party. They got sweetie cones to go home with because I usually throw party bag contents in the bib when the kids know are bored of them after an hour and the cost can add up for them seems a total waste of cash.

Original poster

Snap8TheCat · 05/11/2017 20:43

They didn’t have the cake at the party either though.

OP posts:

TowerRavenSeven · 05/11/2017 20:48

Yanbu. Having a cake on display, singing to it but not being offered a piece (if it wasn't an oversight) IS tight. Having a fancy cake on display but serving another one because the fancy one is being served at another party is tight as well and embarrassing.

Fine don't have a cake at all or have two separate ones, a tray cake for the children's party and fancy one for family party, all good. But anything else just seems very strange to me.

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