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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is really tight?

87 replies

Snap8TheCat · 05/11/2017 18:36

Dd went to a birthday party after school on Friday, official invitation and everything. She came home and changed and went to the little girl’s house at 4pm so definitely a party and not just a play date. She was one of about 7/8 guests.

We duly bought a present (£12) and card as indeed you should and dd came home with not so much as a sniff of birthday cake. She said there was a cake and they sang happy birthday but it wasn’t sliced up and offered.

They played pass the parcel and the birthday child won

The rest was just playing in the child’s playroom which is fine, dd said she had a good time.

I just think the whole thing is a bit cheeky. There is a bit of background with this family and piss taking but isn’t it a bit greedy to accept presents and not even give a slice of cake?

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 05/11/2017 19:18

I think as long as they were fed with other party food and cake then the fact the actual cake wasn't cut up doesn't matter that much. They might have wanted to keep it to show grandparents or something like that. Kids do expect party bags these days. And birthday child winning pass the parcel was a bit much I have to agree.

RandomUsernameHere · 05/11/2017 19:20

I can't believe they brought out a cake and then didn't give the poor DCs a slice!!!

Joinourclub · 05/11/2017 19:21

I really couldn't get worked up about this.

Original poster

Snap8TheCat · 05/11/2017 19:22

To be clear the party being at their house and with no structured entertainment is absolutely fine and as I said dd did enjoy it. I just think having a game with a lovely prize being awarded to the birthday child plus a cake waved under their noses but not offered was tight.

Of course it’s always possible money is an issue, I don’t see their bank statements but it wouldn’t have cost them anymore money than they’d already spent. We live in an affluent town and they have a large house so it’s less likely. We’ve had years where we can’t afford a party so they haven’t had one.

OP posts:

Liara · 05/11/2017 19:22

I've lived in cultures where this is the norm. Everyone just turns up at the house for the birthday party, children just play around, there is cake and it does get eaten but not sent away with the kids.

I actually much preferred it to parties which are a big 'do'.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/11/2017 19:23

Fecking miserable. No cake or party bag, and the party was just a larger than usual play date.
I knew someone who hijacked the end of year class picnic as her son's birthday party; his birthday was about six weeks later
Some people are just tight buggers.

Kentnurse2015 · 05/11/2017 19:23

I don't think it's so terrible. Not brilliant but it wouldn't bother me or my children to be honest

Pengggwn · 05/11/2017 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wilburissomepig · 05/11/2017 19:28

I did this once. It was completely accidental though! Had a party at the house, games etc. Fucking mental it was. We did the whole happy birthday bit, cut the cake as parents started to arrive to collect so I was putting the cake in napkins and DSIS was putting them in the party bags. Except one child monumentally vomited all over the floor so she ran to deal with that and after everyone had left we found 15 pieces of birthday cake sitting on the worktop. I was totally mortified and went round delivering said cake the following day.

LittleBirdBlues · 05/11/2017 19:29

Cultural difference perhaps? Took me some time to realise that slicing up a cake and handing it out to take home was the thing to do in the uk. And I still dont see the point if it really. It just makes a sticky mess!

We just slice up the cake and hand it out at the party.

lottieandmia22 · 05/11/2017 19:30

Dreadful. Especially letting the birthday child win the game. If you can’t afford a party do something smaller with one or two best friends.

madeyemoodysmum · 05/11/2017 19:30

Spend less on a gift if it's a home party without paid entertainment

I get nearly new books from charity shops and give them for this sort of party Or buy a pack of books for the book people and break them down in groups of twos or threes.

I save the expensive gifts for there best friends.

Floralnomad · 05/11/2017 19:33

Assuming they had a tea of some kind this wouldn’t bother me , party bags are generally just tat and my dc never ate the cake anyway .

coddiwomple · 05/11/2017 19:33

there was a cake but they didn't offer a slice to their guests? Yes, it is rude and miserable.

I wouldn't expect any child to have to take a slice at home - frankly it's more inconvenient than anything, but they poor kids should get to eat the cake during the party. What's the point of having one in the first place. If they are so tight they bought one cake to use for several parties (the friends, then the family the following day), they must be horrendous to live with.

The actual party sounds perfectly fine, not coming home with birthday tat even better. My kids love birthday cakes, and would have noticed they didn't get a slice (not a big deal, just weird)

GabsAlot · 05/11/2017 19:35

an afflunt area?

means bugger all i saw a bloke on tv in a million pound penthouse who was skint

glitterlips1 · 05/11/2017 19:38

I have been to a lot of children's party's where the cake isn't cut up. Sometimes is because so much is going on the parent doesn't get time or it is because they want to share it with family. It doesn't bother me or my children they have usually eaten loads and don't even notice. Pass the parcel - usually if there is a entertainer they always makes sure the birthday girl wins but with lots of children getting a prize between each wrap. This sounds more of a play date than a party. I would still have taken a present though. If your child had a good time I wouldn't dwell on it.

coddiwomple · 05/11/2017 19:42

Spend less on a gift if it's a home party without paid entertainment

I honestly do not know what to think about this comment.
I hope you are making a joke?

Fromage · 05/11/2017 19:43

There's no need for every party to be a huge extravaganza with entertainers and lots of games and prizes. Some parties are just a tea party with a few more friends than normal and it's a smaller party than others have - fine.

Not giving cake to children - where there is a cake - is just mean, and the birthday child winning pass the parcel is pretty poor form.

But 'tight' isn't the word that would spring to my mind, tbh, so YABU unless there is wayyyy more to this wrt the family being stingey with money.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 05/11/2017 19:44

I'm just Meh about the whole thing tbh, its just cake!

viques · 05/11/2017 19:44

I wonder if they were having a family tea over the weekend and we're saving the cake til then?

Liiinoo · 05/11/2017 19:44

DC have been to parties where this has happened. In both cases the cake was held over for a family /grandparents party the next day and the party guests were given a cup cake/slice of traybake instead. 5 YO DD was puzzled at first but when I explained she completely accepted that the grandparents and aunties would also want to see the beautiful cake.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/11/2017 19:46

I always give the cake to be eaten at the party. Very little annoys me more than finding mushed up cake smeared into my car seats.

Mainly because I’m very lazy with car cleaning so end up finding it when a smell makes me vomit

Witchend · 05/11/2017 19:47

Dd1 accidentally won pass the parcel at one of her parties. I thought it was way past her, but wasn't watching as I wanted the prize to be random. I was right, it was so far, it had come back round and she win it.
She did give it to her best friend, but it was totally accidental.

MsPassepartout · 05/11/2017 19:48

My DCs went to a birthday party last year where no cake came home.

The birthday child had a bit of a meltdown after the candles were blown out, when his parents mentioned cutting the cake up, so his parents left the cake intact to keep birthday child calm. They hadn’t bought a disposable backup cake for slicing. I guess they hadn’t thought they’d need an extra cake.

They still handed out party bags though.

Lethaldrizzle · 05/11/2017 19:51

Wouldn't bother me in the least. They've entertained my kid for a couple of hours! I don't buy presents with the expectation of getting something back.

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