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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how would you deal with these two bitchy mums?

52 replies

Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 14:55

My DD has recently started reception. I had a falling out with a close friend who's DD is also in my DD's class because I found out she had lied to me.

This close ex friend has now made friends with another mum who was also friends with me. They both stand at pick up looking me up and down and generally make me feel uncomfortable, to the point of where I've sent my DH a few times to pick out DD up to avoid them.

I was asked today at a party why I had fallen out with ex close friend and I replied that she had lied to me but didn't go into detail. This person then said that she finds it disgusting the things they say about me and can openly be heard slagging me off.

I brushed it off but deep down I'm really fucking hurt. I didn't do anything to my ex friend - it was her that lied to me. Now I feel even more uncomfortable about picking my DD up. I know it sounds playground and childish and I should ignore them but to think of someone openly slagging me off infront of all the other mums is embarrassing.

How would you react, if at all?

OP posts:
Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 04/11/2017 15:02

You totally ignore them, pretend they don't exist. No eye contact, don't even look in their direction. They are obviously a pair of horrible witches, who having nothing better to do with their sad little lives.

elQuintoConyo · 04/11/2017 15:03

Sunglasses + headphones. Leave it til the last minute to pick up, drop and run on the morning.

Don't talk to others about it. If they ask 'why aren't you and X talking any more?' just breezily say 'oh, long boring story . How's your child?/what is dc going as for WBDay?' etc, change the subject.

Don't make eye contact with the 2 mums, don't shy away or try and melt into the background. Stand tall, chat to others, keep it light.

In a nutshell: ignore, ignore, ignore.

Oh and if another parent mentions the 2 mums gossiping about you, avoid that parent too - i cannot stand gossips of any kind.

MrsHathaway · 04/11/2017 15:03

Beware of the person who asked you what had happened. She was only interested in shit-stirring.

Sending DH to do pickup because you're afraid of how other people might look at you is ridiculous: great if he goes because he wants to and DD is glad to see him, but otherwise a problem that needs attention.

It's possible that LiarMum thinks you've got the wrong end of the stick and has been defensive about it. It's possible GossipMum once heard her say something defensive and has clutched that with both hands to spice up her otherwise mundane existence. It's possible LiarMum and SidekickMum aren't talking about you at all, nor shooting you side-eye, but idly staring at the mosaic over your shoulder while they talk about Bake Off.

I think you need to rise above and ignore, until and unless you think is having an impact on the children.

Appuskidu · 04/11/2017 15:05

What was the situation/lie.

If your friend was posting on AIBU now-what do you think she would say?

Original poster
Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 15:05

I know I should ignore them but to know they are standing behind me laughing at me is awful Sad

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 04/11/2017 15:06

Be cool, calm and breezy. Don't engage. Look like you are just fine.
Even if it hurts inside - this too shall pass.

Leave it til the last minute to pick up, drop and run on the morning.

Don't do this. Just continue being you. You don't need to walk on eggshells.

MrsHathaway · 04/11/2017 15:08

to know they are standing behind me laughing at me is awful

But you don't know that. You're only guessing.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 04/11/2017 15:08

Id ignore them, it says more about them than it does you, and as adults, most wont accept the behaviour,

Remain dignified with your head held high OP, and remember you have done nothing wrong, they are showing themselves to be obtuse bullies.

Bunnychopz · 04/11/2017 15:09

As you already know, people judge these women for slagging others off. People will make their own minds up long term, they won’t be fooled. So just be yourself and retaliate. Rise above it.

Bunnychopz · 04/11/2017 15:09

Don’t retaliate

Bunnychopz · 04/11/2017 15:11

It’s sounds like the person who asked wasn’t shit stiring. The fact she was disgusted with the women’s behaviour says it all.

Original poster
Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 15:12

The lie was - that she requested that my DD be kept away from her DD as she felt my DD was a bad influence on her DD. I had no idea she had done this, and questioned her a few times when my DD came home and said her friend told her that "my mummy doesn't want me to play with you". My ex friend lied and said she didn't know what she was talking about. It all came to a head when I noticed that my DD wasn't being invited in play dates and asked ex friend why and she blurted it all out. I went in for a meeting with the school to find out what the issue was and their response was "we have no issue with your DD and that's all we can say for confidentiality reasons"

OP posts:
Original poster
Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 15:15

The mum that told me isn't the shit stirring type. I think she feels sorry for me because I used to be so happy go lucky and no I just keep my head down

OP posts:
AuntieBeast · 04/11/2017 15:18

Be friendly to everyone else, make new friends and greet them with a wave and a smile, act as if you don’t care about these two (because of course you shouldn’t, because an arsehole’s opinion means zero), and soon you’ll actually be past it.

In the meantime, if they see they aren’t affecting you, they’ll move on to their next victim.

MrsHathaway · 04/11/2017 15:19

That's ... not exactly a lie. You're upset because she dislikes your daughter (which is a natural thing to be upset about).

I think your latest posts give a completely different picture from your OP.

Cabininthewoods69 · 04/11/2017 15:21

Its hard to ignore i understand. They sound really childish. They will be seen for what they are by others.

Original poster
Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 15:22

She did lie though, I asked and questioned her several times on why my DD was coming home and telling me these things and she made out she knew nothing about it. She admitted to me that she had told her DD not to play with my DD after I asked her about the play dates - so her DD was telling the truth

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 04/11/2017 15:24

Maybe she didn't tell you so as to save your feelings. Kinda comes across like that.

Gemini69 · 04/11/2017 15:27

is there any way you can collect your DD from a different area ? can you discreetly request a slightly earlier collection time.. maybe 5 mins so you can get out of there... before they arrive.. I sympathise completely.. they are ruining you school time experience.... with your DD... good luck OP Flowers

AJPTaylor · 04/11/2017 15:28

whatever happened you have 7 years of primary ahead of you.
stand with nice mum. invite other kids home and get to know their parents.
or speak to ex friend.

Original poster
Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 15:29

Rachie with the names she called my DD in the arguement that followed me asking why DD was invited on play dates it hardly seems she was trying to spare my feelings

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 04/11/2017 15:30

that she requested that my DD be kept away from her DD as she felt my DD was a bad influence on her DD

Aha, right. So, her side of the story was that your daughter has done/said things to hers that she is very unhappy about. She probably didn't know how to tell you that and was trying to spare your feelings. I don't think her 'telling a lie' is really the root of the issue here.

Original poster
Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 15:30

wasnt invited on play dates

OP posts:
Original poster
Botitobotito · 04/11/2017 15:32

I didn't say that her telling lies was the root of the issue? The issue is that she slags me off and makes me feel uncomfortable at the gate

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 04/11/2017 15:36

You are making yourself uncomfortable - pps have given excellent advice on how to "fake it till you make it". And I honestly think it's unlikely she and SidekickMum are actually slagging you off the way you think they are, because people don't actually behave like that, do they?!

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