To ask how would you deal with these two bitchy mums?

[Botitobotito]

My DD has recently started reception. I had a falling out with a close friend who's DD is also in my DD's class because I found out she had lied to me.

This close ex friend has now made friends with another mum who was also friends with me. They both stand at pick up looking me up and down and generally make me feel uncomfortable, to the point of where I've sent my DH a few times to pick out DD up to avoid them.

I was asked today at a party why I had fallen out with ex close friend and I replied that she had lied to me but didn't go into detail. This person then said that she finds it disgusting the things they say about me and can openly be heard slagging me off.

I brushed it off but deep down I'm really fucking hurt. I didn't do anything to my ex friend - it was her that lied to me. Now I feel even more uncomfortable about picking my DD up. I know it sounds playground and childish and I should ignore them but to think of someone openly slagging me off infront of all the other mums is embarrassing.

How would you react, if at all?

[highinthesky]

Bitches are generally recognised for what they are - sad little bullies with nothing better to do with their time. Not a great example to their own kids, but hey-ho.

[Botitobotito]

mrshathaway without meaning to sound rude - clearly you've never been on he receiving end of bitchiness from women if you think that they can't behave like that

[TonicandLime]

I've fallen foul of the School Bullies too (absolutely no idea what for - I only see them at the school gates twice a week and rarely speak) - I was included as one of the gang etc for 2 years and then started noticing being 'blanked' in the road and no more nights out. They obviously still plan them as have been accidentally included on a organising text.

They blank me unless I am with someone they want to talk to but then they will do their best to cut me out.

Couldn't give a shit but what does hurt is no more invitations for my child who can't understand why his friends mum 'forgot' to invite him once again and now he wants a birthday treat and do I invite these children even thought their parents will prob say no.

[Hellywelly10]

Your daughter is in reception. Over the course of primary school all the mums personalitys come out. The best revenge is too live well.

[Nanny0gg]

And I honestly think it's unlikely she and SidekickMum are actually slagging you off the way you think they are, because people don't actually behave like that, do they?!

Sadly, they do.

[Botitobotito]

Tonic I could have written what you wrote. It's ok when you are in the gang - when you are not it's lonely

[Belleoftheball8]

Tbh she’s only in reception kids change there minds all the time who they play with and kids can also be mean. I have a 4 year old dd. However you do seem to have made such an issue with the situation by going up to the school and escalated things when really you only needed to encourage your dd to form new friendships. Maybe ex’s friends dd felt pressure to be friends with your dd because her mum and you were friends who knows. As for play dates surely there abit young for that in reception. It’s
one of those situations where by both POVs are relevant.

[MrsHathaway]

I'm astonished that people behave like that. I've honestly never come across anything like it.

If you're convinced it's malice and not misunderstanding then that sounds dreadful and there's nothing I can offer. I would just encourage you to consider as objectively as you possibly can whether that's really more likely in your precise situation.

[Botitobotito]

belle I asked the schools opinion because in the argument my ex friend made all sorts of accusations about my DD which I was completely unaware of. I asked the school if there was an issue with my DD behaviour that I should know about - surely that's normal parenting? As for them being too young for play dates, not in my area it's very common even at nursery.

[Wineandworkout]

Ignore. If they are acting bitchy and slagging you off they will just be making themselves look vindictive, especially if you remain polite and dignified.

I experience this too - a few mums obviously dislike me and one completely blanks me if I say good morning. I'm pretty sure it's because my ex (no longer in our lives) has spread lies about me. I can't help what they think about me, and my life is too busy to worry about their tittle tattle. If they want to spend their endless coffee mornings thinking about me, let them!

[Namechangetempissue]

Just stand away from them and ignore. Either stand behind them, or so you are blocked from their view by someone else. Pick up and drop off at the last minute, play on your phone or make small talk with others.
I've managed to get two kids through primary like this. I'm always polite, say hi and smile, but beyond that I just do what I'm there to do -deliver and collect my child. We did play dates but managed easily with texts and polite chit chat. I've seen so many playground battles when parents get too wrapped up in each others lives. I may come across as aloof but I like an easy life! I have my "outside" friends and that is enough for me.

[bookishteacher]

IME saying we have no problem with your child and can't say more for confidentiality reasons means your child is fine, the other child on the other hand ...

[caravangirl]

Hi Botito I understand totally where you're coming from and you have my sympathy. I ended up avoiding talking to any mums in school playground in the end when dd was little..because of experiences like this! I'd stand alone instead and listen to the 'cliques' slagging others off! I hated it but would rather stand on my own than deal with the bitchiness. I think either you need to totally ignore her or ask her if you can have a private word...calmly tell her honestly how you're feeling and say you're sorry things have ended up so badly but you really want to draw a line under it now. Maybe you could send her this in a text if face to face is too uncomfortable? You really shouldn't have to send dh to the school because she's made you feel so uncomfortable.

[TonicandLime]

Tonic I could have written what you wrote. It's ok when you are in the gang - when you are not it's lonely

I think the "gang" existed well before me but after two years ( about 6 nights out) they cut me out. if it wasn't for my Dc I couldn't give a shit about them but the invitations and playdates are no more.

[Moonraker37]

I'm watching with interest. I have the same issue in that I dread the school run after a falling out with my neighbour ( over their constant DIY but that's another long boring story) who's child goes to the same school as mine. I do ignore and pretend not to notice but yes, sadly other mums do engage in bitching, a rare few, but they do. Fortunately I concentrate on the nice mums and never mention it. But I hate it too! You are not alone OP! I'm hoping it will all just quietly go away if I don't engage!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

If they’re spreading lies and gossiping about either you or your dd on school property, you can ask the school to intervene. This is what the school told me when I had an issue with another mother. But everything said was outside school and to her dd at home. The teacher did though monitor the situation and tried to invoque an inclusive policy. Telling their child they cannot play with yours for no apparent reason is adult on child bullying.

[caravangirl]

I actually really like wineandworkout's post!! I wish you'd have told me this years ago! A good, no nonsense approach

[AuntieBeast]

people don't actually behave like that, do they?!

Unfortunately they do. How long have you been on Mumsnet?! Too many stories like this.

I had a friend who went through this but I think she was inadvertently feeding the drama. She did the sunglasses and stand in the back with no direct line of sight thing …that just fed their meanness. It wasn’t until she made other friends (which was hard to do with sunglasses on and never smiling or talking to anyone!) and she genuinely didn’t care about them anymore that it all ended. As long as she was still upset by them, they loved it and kept it up.

[BewareOfDragons]

Sadly, the behaviour doesn't surprise me at all. I have been on the receiving end of bitchy mums whose children behave terribly at school and I called the school on it when they were actively bullying my child and doing nothing to stop it. Apparently, I was the problem after that. How dare I not let their little darlings continue to abuse, assault and openly make fun of my child in class.

It was painful, but I stood my ground. Having my own laugh back now, privately, as every one of their children is now doing absolutely shockingly at secondary school and in trouble all the time while my child is literally one of their top few students. Their parents won't make eye contact with me, now. heh

[MrsHathaway]

I've been on MN for ages but the reason CF and ARSEHOLE threads get the reaction they do is precisely because the situation is so unusual. Most people just bumble through life quietly getting along.

[rightknockered]

This happened to me in reception. It has only started to get better now, yr 3 for my then reception dd, because I have made a few good friends in different classes, and years. And that group of bitchy mums are no longer friends with each other and now stand alone.

[Belleoftheball8]

My dd is the same age she tells me her friend was mean to her one day the next the best of friends sometimes as a parent you need to take a step back and let them be typical kids, however there maybe a pattern of behaviour that the teachers are unaware which is making the ex friend dd upset and therefore as most parents would suggest they play with someone else. You escalated it further by going to the school when really it wasn’t necessary. You can have easily encouraged your dd to form friendships else where. At that age they are going to be falling out all the time they are learning their social skills.

[Olddear]

Not quite the same but similar, when I worked I spoke to everyone, got along with them all and took a 'friend to all, friend to none' approach.
I watched them all live in each other's pockets, tell each other everything, then the fall outs happened....it was brutal! thankfully, all my friends were outside of my work environment and it meant I was never involved in all that craziness!!!

[Mittens1969]

I don’t make close friendships with the other mums in the playground, apart from one who lives near us whose daughter is best friends with my DD2 (5, year 1). Other than that I just chat with the mum of whichever friend she’s chatting to. It’s easier with her than it used to be with DD1 (8, year 4) as DD2 is very popular.

I’m not trying to make friends when I pick my DDs up, so I don’t worry about whatever bitchiness might be going on. You don’t need to be friends with your DCs’ friends’ mums, you just need to be on reasonable terms so that you can arrange play dates, chat at parties etc.

You will find out that your DDs’ friendships will change during her years at school and you shouldn’t let them affect your own friendships with her friends’ mums.