Stopping the pill without proper conversation?

[Lavenderfly]

I’ve just stopped the pill and decided to go for natural cycles. Just waiting on my thermometer to arrive.

AIBU by doing this without having a thorough conversation with my OH?

Pill has been wrecking my emotions for about 5 years, I have anxiety and I feel that artificial hormones add to this, so would like to stop. My partner and I barely have sex, once a month if at all, and I have felt that I am putting this stuff into my body without actually needing to.

Whenever I have mentioned the pill being an issue he tells me to try a different one ( I have tried 3 as well as the injection) and when I mention natural cycles, he shrugs. He thinks it is a hippy fad that I have been drawn into and doesn’t really want to discuss it. It doesn’t interest him.

So I have taken the plunge and gone for it, AIBU?

Also, what are your thoughts / experiences with natural cycles? Is the thermometer a PITA?

YABU!

Sounds like you have tried to talk to him, but he hasn't been very helpful. YANBU.

FWIW I have a Mirena and aside from a dodgy first month I don't get any side effects, also it completely stopped my periods

YANBU at all it’s your body and you have every right not to put chemicals into it.

If your partner doesn’t trust your birth control method he will have to use condoms.

YANBU to have stopped the pill if it isn't really agreeing with you, that's your choice.
But you owe it to him now to have a proper conversation about what this choice means in terms of your fertility so he is fully aware of what needs to be done to prevent pregnancy

What kingdom said. Pills wrecked my mental health and I’m on natural cycles. Working for us. However, discussed with DH in depth but he was interested (and relieved when I turned back into a sane person)

We used the Billings method successfully for over a year, no hassle, no thermometer, very straightforward. However, even the teacher asked me, would another baby be a catastrophe?

As long as he knows, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

If you only have sex once a month have you thought about a contraceptive diaphragm?

They are non hormonal and easy once you get used to it.

I’ve used one exclusively for over a decade, I swear by it and I’m a passionate advocate for them.
It’s comfortable, quick and easy to use and once it’s in DH and I can’t feel it.
They are more popular with people who have sex less frequently but I use it daily.

Your body, your decision.

But you need to tell him because he may want to consider condoms if it’s a method he doesn’t believe in for whatever reason.

I also couldn't use the pill. Used the cap and later the coil. Was honest though and told partners that I was more likely to conceive. We agreed on condoms in addition.

Make it clear. YABU not to tell him that your protection is decreased.

It’ll have to be condoms, we don’t have any aversion to them apart from them being annoying, but to be honest, I can’t wait to get back to being myself again. We have had 2 unplanned pregnancies, one being ectopic and the other being miscarriage. Both times happened whilst changing over the pill type. I think that we find it very easy to get pregnant but I’m guessing abstinence for the first month or so will be the best way to settle into it.

Thanks for all your replies so far!

Yanbu to come off the pill right away as your own decision not to put those hormones into your body.

However when it comes to having sex you need to talk to the man and say you aren't on pill. Really in your position I would want to be using condoms. Natural cycle methods frequently result in pregnancy.

Hmmm, I've heard good things about natural methods but I think you need a predictable body and attention to the slightest detail. I wouldn't have a go at it without being in a position of not minding having a baby. Certainly I wouldn't plunge into it straight after coming off the pill.

Yanbu to come off the pill though. In all truth there's no reason for a conversation beyond 'I'm not taking the pill anymore so there's no contraception in place from my side'. He has the option to protect himself with a condom. It's not particularly indicative of a healthy relationship mind but everyone has the facts and an understanding of the consequences.

I've used Natural Cycles for eight months now, and am very happy with it, but I definitely think it warrants a serious conversation. It's very different to being on the pill: you will need to abstain or use condoms on red (fertile) days, and until you build up a good amount of data (about temp readings, LH tests, your period) you'll have a lot of red days. So you need to make sure you have barrier contraception ready, and that your DP is aware. Once a month can still get you pregnant. I know that's pretty obvious, but being on the app has really heightened my awareness that you don't have to be at it constantly to get pregnant: there's very much a window.

You get used to taking daily temp readings pretty quickly, but you have to be very consistent: do it the moment you wake, the same time each day, with a minimum of movement, and take into account that being massively underslept, hungover or jet-lagged will affect accuracy. It's certainly not something that would have suited me in my twenties, but it fits now. I don't intend/expect to get pregnant - but it wouldn't be a catastrophe.

How would your DP react to an unplanned pregnancy? That's also something I'd want to discuss, because he needs to be able to research this and decide if he's comfortable with the Natural Cycles or would like to use condoms. If he's reluctant to fully discuss contraception methods in general, and dismissive of this one in particular, I would be concerned he'd see an unplanned pregnancy as your responsibility/fault, too. He really needs to step up and stop seeing contraception as your thing.

Hi Lavender, I have been using Natural Cycles for several months, but under a year. The app is good and if anything it is over-cautious. However, this method of contraception definitely takes two to work. It takes you to measure the temperature correctly every morning before you get up. And to be aware of any affecting factors like drinking the night before, going to bed too late/ oversleeping, feeling under the weather. The app will flag it up if the temperature is not what it would expect to see, but still it relies on the correct temperature for its predictions to be right. It is worth reading the medical research on the app, it has been proven to be exceptionally reliable if used correctly.

As with the pill, the reliability issues are due to 'life's stuff'. When you are not well, you keep relying on it out of habit and you must not. Your temperature will not be an indicator of anything in this case.

When you have had a rough night, your temperature is not useable. Travelling across timezones etc. Best thing is if there is any deviation from normal, not to rely on it, same as you must not with the pill. It says in case of illness, the temperature is not reliable for the duration of the illness plus 7 days after.

If you apply common sense and stay aware of any affecting factors, it is an excellent contraceptive option.

Another big thing, you will obviously be completely unprotected on the Red Days and will be at the peak of your fertility. So it takes dedication from your partner to take care during those times. Not surprisingly, you would appear the most attractive to him then and you would feel the horniest yourself, so this is where the app has been known to 'fail': people have not got the self-restraint and get carried away in the moment.

If you have to take the MAP, the temperature is not useable for the next 7 days either.

But having said all that, it has been FANTASTIC to have the peace of mind and to be able to let go completely when it is a Green Day without having this fear at the back of your mind. The H is happier than ever, as he gets to have proper sex with a woman who is into it (before, the pill just killed off any desire/feeling). My sex drive has picked up no end since I have been able to relax. More women should be aware of the Natural Cycles app, it is great :)

P.S. Worth a note that the Natural Cycles app has been officially certified in several European countries and it has got a CE Mark.

Bear in mind it'll take a few months to get to know your body and you should probably be using condoms or withdrawal in that time.

Pill gave me horrible side effects . I took it for 18 months and it made me very ragey . I had to tell my husband 2 days before finishing each pack that I was about to be on my break . Dreaded it every month . It made my libido go through the floor and I stopped after I had a breast lump. It was the last straw took a while to get back to myself and I put on a couple of stone . I did shift the weight again . I will never use hormonal birth control again. It's just not for everyone but it does suit other people .

Orangealien please do not confuse the Natural Cycles app with 'guessing dates in the calendar'. The former is based on daily basal temperature reads, with lots of stipulations (as scientific as it can get). I would never do the 'calendar method'. It is so clearly not a contraceptive method, but rather a game, of Russian roulette.

YANBU for stopping the pill, but I really strongly believe that the person you are having sex with is made aware that you are no longer on some kind of birth control. I would say though, that the fact that he doesn’t seem to give a shit and you can’t have a conversation with him about something that’s effecting you, is your real problem.

You don't have to discuss it but you do have to tell him.

Yes, natural methods are pretty full on to start with. 14 months in I pretty much know what my body is doing now. It’s a good learning curve!

YANBU to stop the pill if you want to. YABVU if you don't tell him what you've done. He needs to know that you are no longer using reliable contraception, and unless he wants to risk you getting pregnant he needs to use condoms.

A good read is taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler. Very useful information about NFP.

Buy some condoms. Put them on the bedside table, his side, and tell him you are off the pill. Sorted.

I ditched the pill for natural cycles and have zero regrets. You will actually find your libido increasing and you will enjoy sex more... I do! Being free of synthetic hormones after 15 years was very liberating!
Yabu not to discuss it with him but at the end of the day it’s your choice.
I found it improved my relationship!