Stopping the pill without proper conversation?

[Lavenderfly]

I’ve just stopped the pill and decided to go for natural cycles. Just waiting on my thermometer to arrive.

AIBU by doing this without having a thorough conversation with my OH?

Pill has been wrecking my emotions for about 5 years, I have anxiety and I feel that artificial hormones add to this, so would like to stop. My partner and I barely have sex, once a month if at all, and I have felt that I am putting this stuff into my body without actually needing to.

Whenever I have mentioned the pill being an issue he tells me to try a different one ( I have tried 3 as well as the injection) and when I mention natural cycles, he shrugs. He thinks it is a hippy fad that I have been drawn into and doesn’t really want to discuss it. It doesn’t interest him.

So I have taken the plunge and gone for it, AIBU?

Also, what are your thoughts / experiences with natural cycles? Is the thermometer a PITA?

This is not actually about contraception at all.

You are deciding to stop taking an elective medication that you consider is affecting your health. YANBU, and very sensible.

Contraception is another discussion - but if anything, your husband's apparent lack of interest in working with you to tackle the issue of the impact on your health is yet another reason why you should take charge here.

Come off the pill and inform him it's your decision to do that: what is then a JOINT decision is what contraception you use from now on. It's not just your responsibility. It's also not on for him to push options and thus responsibility onto you - ie other pills - when you've said you no longer want to use hormonal methods.

Abstinence of course until an agreement is reached.

YABU and will almost certainly get pregnant. I'm not sure if you ever studied history, but prior to about the 1950s women had naff all control over their fertility and that didn't result in small families. They weren't just stupid bitches - it was because the rhythm method etc didn't work.

But I'm sure you know better than every other woman in history.
Try condoms or the mirena coil.

And FFS tell your husband because an unplanned pregnancy due to secretly coming off contraception is divorce material and not going to help your anxiety.

Natural contraception is not the rythym method!

YANBU for coming off the pill. Your body, your decision. You do need to tell your OH though. If you don't want to become pregnant in the next few years it might be worth talking to your gp about the (non-hormonal) copper implant.

Well, yeah, but he needs to use condoms, or you'll be in here in a month posting you're pregnant and have 'no idea how' because some app told you stuff.

I would never trust apps. My cycles range from 22 days to 50+. And I'm not gambling like that.

Also, consider the copper coil. I had an awful reaction to many hormone treatments and won't touch them again, but the copper coil has been fantastic. You can pretty much forget it's there, no moods, no hormones.

A Persona device makes everything easier. You do urine tests and it stores your information and calculates where you are in your cycle.

www.persona.info/uk/what_is.php

Personally, I think 10’years down the line, most women will use the natural method with a thermometer etc. The additions of tracking apps has made it so much easier to take charge of our own bodies and fertility without chemical intervention.

I don’t think YABU. I wouldn’t even bother telling my dp what contraception I’m on Tbh. It’s been A LONG time since we used any (ttc) but before he was always a ‘Your body, Your choice’ type of bloke. If that meant he had to wear condoms so be it.

She’s hardly kept it secret! Her DP just isn’t interested and clearly doesn’t see contraception as a joint responsibility.

OP I’d just use condoms if I were you. Use Natural Cycles as well, but your DP doesn’t sound like he’s going to be on board with it, and that makes an unplanned pregnancy pretty likely IMO (basal temp monitoring can work brilliantly, but not if your DP is pestering you to have sex on red days and complaining he doesn’t understand it).

Thanks all, very helpful messages!

Just to be clear, I’m not keeping secrets from him, I just took a leap into doing something that I have spent some time thinking about. I will make sure he understands the change, and is prepared.

I just came to the end of my pill pack and thought, sod it, let’s do this.

He is a rubbish partner at times, I’m trying to take a bit more control over myself in the hope that I will feel better and can enjoy happiness more. He will just have to deal with it.

I used to chart my basal temperature for my gynaecologist to interpret, long time ago. This information collected in a reliable manner can tell somebody in the know A LOT about your reproductive health.

Please note Natural Cycles is not a tracking app. Please educate yourself before discussing it.

I stand corrected on the calendar/ rhythm method being mixed up with natural planning. The latter is very full on and requires a lot of effort from the woman. I couldn’t possibly be bothered with that much faff and anyway, I will be scared to interpret it wrong. But kudos to those who can crack it!

With Natural Cycles, I know it has been developed using scientific methods and with medical collaboration. It has been tested through medical research and proven to be reliable. This is good enough for me.

I’ve got to say, it’s only 6 days since I stopped artificial hormones contraception and I can’t believe how good I feel.

It’s like I am a different woman.

I can totally understand wanting to ditch hormonal contraception, but it does sound like he has his head in the sand a bit and doesn't really believe you'll stop taking the pill/is totally prepared for a potential pregnancy. In your situation, if I wanted a baby and was prepared to go it alone if necessary I'd be happy to go without the pill and see what happens. If not I'd abstain and insist he discusses alternative contraception before sleeping with him again.

Stefoscope absolutely, abstinence is key for the time being, it’s not like it’s difficult, there are barely any opportunities these days. I feel way too good about everything to ever go back to artificial hormones for contraception now though. No regrets as of yet, and it’ll have to be condoms for the foreseeable future.

Thanks so much for all of your comments and suggestions, now to concentrate on the daily temperature measurements to build a good picture.