I bought my friend a voucher and she hasn't used it

[MilsCookie]

Hi everyone,

This has been bugging me so I thought I would post here for your opinions. At the start of this year my partner and I ended up ‘homeless’ for a month while we were in between moving from our rented flat into a flat we had bought. We both stayed with different friends while we were waiting for the completion date on the flat. I stayed with a colleague from work and her family (she has two older daughters) for three weeks and she was incredibly good to me. She gave me a spare bedroom and cooked etc and didn’t expect anything in return. When we moved into our flat I bought her and her family a voucher for a meal at a top restaurant in the city as a way to say thank you. She was very grateful and said I shouldn’t have etc etc.

Anyway that was back at the end of January. My friend had said they going to use it in May but then something came up and they couldn’t go. It got to August and I asked if they had managed to go yet and she said they hadn’t. It is now November and I know they haven’t been. I don’t want to keep pestering her to book it, but it has a 12 month expiry date on the voucher which means they’ve only got 3 months left. I’m starting to think they don’t want to go. Which is fine, but then I would rather she told me so that the voucher could be put to use by someone else and I could buy her a different thank you present?!

I don’t know...it’s just that it cost around £200 and the thought of it going to waste really annoys me.

So, WIBU to ask again if she’s going to use it/to ask for the voucher back and get her something else?!

Or, is the gift nothing to do with me now that it has left my hands?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

She can do whatever she wants with the voucher, you can’t ask for a gift back I’m afraid

I definitely wouldn’t ask for it back as I’d find that way too awkward. I think I’m more asking whether IBU to keep asking her if she’s going to use it! Should I just leave it now and if it expires then it expires?

I clicked on this and wondered if it would be about me.

My friend has bought me a voucher for a spa day for two but it's only valid Monday - Friday and I've no one to go with so I haven't used it. Anyone I'd normally ask would be the same person I'd ask for childcare so I'm a bit stuck really.

It’s norhing to do with you. Very nice gesture from you but maybe she’s nervous about going/doesn’t like posh places../has sold it on as they need the cash/has given it to somebody else as a gift.
You can’t give a gift with conditions attached I’m afraid. Just let it go

Oh it’s frustrating but you can’t mention it again.
I got a meal voucher as a wedding present and never got round to using it. Life just got in the way. I still really appreciated it though.

I would just leave it, wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable as if I'm constantly reminding her of my gift.

It's a gift. You don't check up on other people to see if they have used the bath sat you have given/drunk the wine you sent/eaten the chocolates etc. A voucher shouldn't really be any different. I get it is more money and frustrating but I find vouchers really stressful gifts to receive and they're not always straightforward to use.

I would just leave it to be honest

I think I wouldn't mention it again. It wax a very nice gesture and she's a very good friend.
More than likely she will use it over the christmas period

It would wind me up if someone got me a voucher & then kept asking me if I'd used it - it would feel like they were expecting me to feel constantly grateful towards them.

I would ask because it’s an awful lot of money to go to waste if she doesn’t use it. No issue with saying you could swap it for the money if they don’t fancy the restaurant. There’s been threads on here recently about unwanted vouchers, so I would ask your friend and just make it clear you won’t be offended if she didn’t want to use it.

They have three months to use it, which takes them over the Christmas break, maybe they are planning to use it then. You really can't keep asking, and perhaps they are worried that you will want them to send photos of the food or something!

Don’t ask her about it. It’s like you’ve given her a task to do, rather than a gift. A task which, if she doesn’t fulfil it, will make you cross and disappointed.

Some gift.

She's got three months left to use it, leave her be - you can't decide how/when someone uses a gift I'm afraid, stop asking her about it

Don't keep asking, it makes things awkward.

Nice gesture but there may be loads of reasons she hasn't used it (yet)

If it’s for a top restaurant in the city (London?) will £200 actually cover a meal there? She might be concerned about the extra costs involved in making use of the voucher.

if she does not use it then the gift was not any less given

^^ you’re absolutely right. I think I just needed reminding of this.

Thank you for all your honest thoughts. I suppose if it was the other way round it would be annoying if someone kept asking (can I say I’ve only asked twice since I gave her the gift). I will zip my lips and put it out of my mind now!!

I wouldn't have asked her at all and would be in blissful ignorance.
Is it not quite bad form to mention a gift like this ?
Anyway do not bring it up again with her.
Another thought is she may have regifted it

Might it be that she will have to pay for the drinks, taxi etc and can't afford that side of things?

id try not to think on it.it doesn't sound like you will get an explanation without making things awkard.to her there will be a very vallied reason behind her not using it. I'm assuming you see her as a friend therefore I don't think any friend of mine would give up such a lovely gift time without being a reason.
one she cant go into with you perhaps. but also she might be waiting ti l the xmas seasonto use it.who knows.but for her there is something.
to keep thinking on it yourself will only make feeling of resentment start pining in.
if she thanked you in a nice way then take that.she must have meant it.and after all she wouldn't have had u to stay if she didn't really care for you eh.
move on if you can with this being one of those bizarre things we have withinin friendships sometimes.

Is it possible she needs help with childcare? I know my dh and I only get to go out to dinner about 3 times a year because we need to arrange a babysitter and even then, we can only go places within about a 15 minute drive because babysitter has to leave by a certain time, so planning a big night out, especially to a restaurant that isn't one of the two that is easy for us to get to is really complicated. I don't know how old her children are, but maybe a tactful way would be to ask if she would like you to stay with them one evening if they haven't had a chance to go yet?

I wonder if she's given it to someone else? And now it's really awkward that you keep asking.
I would stop enquiring about it now and not take it as a personal snub.

She was a good friend to put you up and your gift was thoughtful. Try not to dwell on it.

I find it really strange you keep asking her and if I were her I would find it really annoying.

She saved you a fortune in hotel/food costs for those three weeks you stayed with her and for that you were really grateful and showed your appreciation with a gift. When she chooses to use the gift is nothing to do with you but by asking it would come across to me that you want further thanks/appreciation for giving that gift.

Do you normally check up on people you give gifts to and make sure they've worn it/eaten it/spent it.....?

My mum got us a voucher for a restaurant in central london and whilst it was a nice thought the actual getting up to the city would have been a total pain and an expense (plus I hate the city), so we didn't end up using it. Some gifts you have to think about the logistics involved for the person you are giving it to - will it mean a long journey for them to get there. will childcare be awkward, will it cost them money to travel to and from the location etc. Something more local might have been easier for them to use. Or maybe they aren't posh restaurant people, maybe they prefer more low key stuff like a cosy pub lunch (I know I do).

I think she’s probably given it to someone else. Stop asking her about it!