I bought my friend a voucher and she hasn't used it

[MilsCookie]

Hi everyone,

This has been bugging me so I thought I would post here for your opinions. At the start of this year my partner and I ended up ‘homeless’ for a month while we were in between moving from our rented flat into a flat we had bought. We both stayed with different friends while we were waiting for the completion date on the flat. I stayed with a colleague from work and her family (she has two older daughters) for three weeks and she was incredibly good to me. She gave me a spare bedroom and cooked etc and didn’t expect anything in return. When we moved into our flat I bought her and her family a voucher for a meal at a top restaurant in the city as a way to say thank you. She was very grateful and said I shouldn’t have etc etc.

Anyway that was back at the end of January. My friend had said they going to use it in May but then something came up and they couldn’t go. It got to August and I asked if they had managed to go yet and she said they hadn’t. It is now November and I know they haven’t been. I don’t want to keep pestering her to book it, but it has a 12 month expiry date on the voucher which means they’ve only got 3 months left. I’m starting to think they don’t want to go. Which is fine, but then I would rather she told me so that the voucher could be put to use by someone else and I could buy her a different thank you present?!

I don’t know...it’s just that it cost around £200 and the thought of it going to waste really annoys me.

So, WIBU to ask again if she’s going to use it/to ask for the voucher back and get her something else?!

Or, is the gift nothing to do with me now that it has left my hands?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

dpnds where it is if its awkward to gt to wont it be too expensive for thm for travel etc

stop asking though

Does the cost of the voucher cover the cost of the meal and drinks? I ask as when my son was a baby someone bought me a restaurant voucher thinking they had done a nice thing, so we could "treat ourselves" while I was on Mat Leave & on low pay. But when we looked at the menu, the value of the voucher didn't even cover 2 main courses let alone anything else, drinks etc. So we never used it, it was awkward when the giver asked about if we'd been (it was their current favourite and asking what we'd thought of it etc.) I just had to make out we'd not got around to going rather than offend them.

The gift has left your hands, please don't ask her about it again. If she uses it and enjoys the experience she'll no doubt let you know in her own time.

Don't choose voucher gifts in future if you're the sort of person to let it eat away at you if you fear that they're not going to be used. Asking her about it twice since January sounds like a lot to me!

Does she definitely know it expires? I once wasted a £100 next voucher because I was trying to lose weight and had no idea 🙈

If she knows, then i wouldn't mention it again. If you're not sure, and if she's a really good friend, I think I'd say, just in case you didn't know, it expires in a couple of months. Restaurant will be busy at this time of year.

Is the restaurant somewhere easy to get to, or will she need to work out transportation?
I'd just leave it to be honest

That is a bit annoying but a others have said you have the gift and whether she uses it or not is her choice.

If I give vouchers for a facial or something I always book an actual appointment and say to please change the date to suit if they need to. It very much avoids the voucher getting tucked away and forgotten about.

If she's anything like me she'll wait right until the last week she can use it and go.

Definitely don’t ask. If she doesn’t want to use it for whatever reason she’ll just be embarrassed or irritated that you are nagging her.

DP’s dad got us a voucher for lunch at the Shard one year. We live 2 hours from London, I am disabled and can’t use the underground so that would mean another 1.5 hour on the bus each way or £££ for a taxi. Also the Shard doesn’t allow under 5’s so we’d need someone to babysit. I was dreading him asking about it but it would have a huge hassle.

How do you know the voucher hasn't been redeemed? Is there something online that tells you or you're "certain" because she's not told you she's gone.

If you have a way of confirming independently with the restaurant that the voucher hasn't been used, then I'd mention to my colleague that you got a notification for its expiry date by mistake (as it should've gone to the recipient.)

You can tell from her reaction what to say next but I'd say something like... gosh with xmas coming up, would you prefer I swapped it with something local down the street from you or maybe for an amazon voucher?

Rather than asking her if she's used it, why don't you tell her it has an expiry date. Then the ball is in her court.

Maybe just remind her it expires and that the restaurant has a waiting list of x weeks (if it does), and offer if she doesn't want to go three you can exchange it for something else as you really would like to thank her properly.

I would have to say something just because of the value of it. I would try to word it as "do you want me to look into extending the voucher or if you are not a fan of that place can I get you one for somewhere/something else?"

Oh god I’m dreadful like this.

I worked a lot of unpaid overtime once and work got me a spa voucher to say thank you. Valid during working hours only and I’ve never been to a spa in my life so I never used it and now I feel terrible for being ungrateful.

Boyfriend once bought me a sushi making for two lesson. We broke up but he insisted I kept it. Never used that either... think that was £100.

My brother bought me £100 of theatre tickets for my birthday in September 2016. He MADE me use them by going to the theatre with him a few days before they expired this year.

Then he fucking bought me more theatre vouchers for my birthday this year!!! Aargh!

The guilt and sense of obligation is just awful. People spending their hard earned cash on me makes me feel so low.

The problem is that I don’t like ‘stuff’ and I’m hard to buy for. Just get me champagne ffs.

offer if she doesn't want to go three you can exchange it for something else as you really would like to thank her properly

Noooooo! That would be so awkward! She will fell like you've got the huff that she hasn't used it!

Oops!

I would keep quiet about it. You bought the voucher with the purpose of making her happy and showing her how much you appreciated her help. That piece of paper fulfilled its purpose when you handed it over, she was happy and she realised how grateful you were. There could be any one of a dozen reasons why she hasn't used it - from not being able to afford any associated extras, to the restaurant not serving food she enjoys to her having lost it and feeling terribly guilty whenever you ask etc etc. So, every time you mention it her pleasure at the gift is chipped away with the stress generated by the weight of your expectation. Just leave it now and move on.

I don't know, she sounds like such a lovely and close friend, that maybe you could talk to her about it, find out what she wants to do. I would also be tempted to call the restaurant and ask about the possibility of extending the voucher.

I thought this was about me too. Just disorganised.

I really wouldn't mention it. I've got a spa voucher. I hate spas. They make me feel old, flabby, inadequate and poor. I really, really don't want to go but it was a present from a lovely friend. I'm a bit stuck.

Don't say anything. She may have regifted the voucher. A restaurant voucher (or any sort of "going somewhere" voucher) wouldn't appeal to me. I'd rather have Amazon, m&s or even Iceland vouchers.

Sorry but these vouchers are a pain in the arse.

We very kindly got some from someone as a gift who doesn't know what to get us. We went along to the cinema as by then that was the only one showing the film we wanted to see. We used the money left on the voucher to buy ice cream.

Cost to us: pay to park at train station, pay for return train station tickets, walk to cinema we'd never been to before, pay for our meal because the meal voucher which was part of the same gift didn't work, taxi back to train station so we didn't miss the last train.

Then there's the saga of the restaurant voucher that didn't work. So I sheepishly ended up giving it back to the giver to say it didn't work. They then went ten rounds with the voucher company and got me one that did work.

I used it at one café to check it works by buying a small item. OK, it works now. I then used the rest of the credit elsewhere just to use up the goddam voucher.

The same person gave me a very generous voucher for entertainment earlier this year. To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement.

We now feel, duty bound, to go ahead and use it. So again, let me get this straight to use this voucher we will have to:

Get a taxi to the station. Get a train to the city. (Or use a tank of petrol on the round trip and then pay for city centre / hotel parking.) Pay for a night's accommodation. Pay for dinner. Pay for drinks before the show and any other snacks/drinks. Pay for public transport when we were in the city. Make sure we are on the pre-booked, pre-paid train home the next morning. Taxi back home and wonder where our weekend went.

To hard.

We've decided to use the entertainment voucher when we visit another city next year. I feel a bit embarrassed that the voucher was meant for us to see a popular entertainer in a stage production. I was only half interested when I mentioned it in conversation but the gift giver must have pounced on that idea.

I just don't know how to tell the giver, 'no more gift vouchers please'. How do you even do that ?

Oh and what I wanted to say is the gift giver gave my OH an entertainment voucher. That particular chain of theatres is not in our town but 50 miles away.

So, how much money will we have to spend to use the voucher.

AAARRGH ! Enough !

Maybe she regifted it and doesn't want to admit it?

I'm not into fine dining places (especially with kids- so stressful keeping them quiet!) and wouldn't use a voucher like that. It was a lovely gesture though.

I think you have to just let it go