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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smelly work colleague

60 replies

Heckneck · 04/11/2017 09:14

I have to work with a lovely lady however she absolutely pongs. I'm not sure if it's her clothes or what but it's like she doesn't wear any deodorant. It's so strong you can be walking a few paces behind and can smell it as you walk into that space. I obviously can't broach the subject cos how do you do that. I tried to talk about clothes washing the other day as maybe that's the reason why and she didn't participate in the conversation. AIBU to mention something to management? How do I broach it?

OP posts:
SoozC · 06/11/2017 22:14

This was me twice in my life Blush. Once as a teenager and it fell to a family member my age to tell me after my aunts had been gossiping about me, once a few years later in my first job and my manager told me. In my defence I was suffering from depression and, unbeknownst to them all, was self-harming at the same time. I just didn't see the point in looking at my ugly body in the bath or shower.

15 years on I am much more aware, even if I am feeling unhappy, at being clean. I didn't take it well either time and the memories still live with me. I am paranoid about smelling and very conscientious about washing and deodorant.

MilfordFound · 06/11/2017 23:31

I used to work with someone that had a medical condition that made her smell like fish. She always smelt really strongly of fish. Obviously she tried to cover it up with perfume but it mingled with her smell and it was vile. The poor poor woman. It wasn't due to hygiene or anything. It was really hard to have a conversation with her because it was overpowering. I can only assume she must've had 'the talk' from managers in the past. Must've been mortifying for her.

RhiannonOHara · 07/11/2017 09:54

Sounds like it was handled quite well for you, laurzj. I think you were entitled to stomp around in a mood for one day Grin

LemonShark · 07/11/2017 10:57

I've had several colleagues in the past Milford with BV (bacterial vaginosis) that smelled incredibly strongly of fish. One lady in particular I remember using the toilet about ten minutes after she'd been in and the smell was so bad/strong I physically gagged and wretched until I got out.

I've had it before (as have many women) and it is completely beyond me how anyone could smell that and think it's a normal smell for their vagina. I remember at school people would tease each other saying 'fishy fanny* so perhaps some women grow up and just assume it's normal to smell like fish? When it really truly isn't, and it can be treated pretty easily!

MilfordFound · 08/11/2017 13:59

lemonshark that really is grim!
My colleague had a genetic condition that meant her body couldn't process a protein or something. So it was excreted out, in sweat, and smelled of fish. I can't remember the medical details. I remember there being no treatment other than avoiding things in her diet with the protein. So she was stuck with the problem, forever, poor woman!

QuizzlyBear · 08/11/2017 14:45

I had this issue a couple of years ago with a charity volunteer who worked in our office. An older (not elderly) lady, she smelled seriously... eggy? In an enclosed environment / small office it was overwhelming and actually made a couple of us feel very sick.

She also had food stains down her clothing so she definitely wasn't taking good care of herself. People muttered but nobody wanted to cause offence. The breaking point came when she was sitting at my colleague's desk and suddenly said 'oops, my pad just overflowed' but continued to sit there for about 15 minutes before going off to the loo, leaving a large piss stain on the seat (which she ignored when she returned).

Eventually the office manager / HR had to sit down with her and quite firmly tell her that if she wanted to continue coming in, she would have to adhere to the 'dress code' (smart office wear). They got occupational health involved too and they visited her at home. Apparently it was in a shocking state and the bathroom had been out of commission for some months. Sadly we came to the conclusion that her working in the office was the only 'normal' thing left in her life. We opened a window from then on if she came in a bit whiffy...

hanahsaunt · 23/11/2017 12:52

Ok lovely people! I get that the answer is tell management - I am management and haven't the first idea of how to solve it!!! How would you like it done if you were the person receiving the conversation? Please help Smile.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 23/11/2017 12:57

I think I would send out an email to all staff, reminding everyone of the dress code and the need to be clean at work. I'd spell it out that I'd expect a daily shower or bath and clean clothes for work. That way everyone gets the email and it's not personal to anyone.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 23/11/2017 12:59

I had someone smelly in my class once and they were all going out on work placement. We had a talk about having a shower or bath every day for the placement and wearing clean clothes etc. When I dared look at the smelly one, they were staring at something out of the window - clearly didn't think I was talking to them at all!

JamPasty · 23/11/2017 13:16

send out an email to all staff - please don't do this. It insults all the people who have done nothing wrong, and the person it is aimed at doesn't realise it applies to them. You have to take the specific person into a private meeting and just tell them straight.

PhatSlag · 23/11/2017 15:48

I have to work very closely every day with someone with very poor personal hygiene (not through their own fault)
They really smell and I have to turn my head when they speak in my direction as their breath is so bad. It makes me dread every day but I just hold my breath and carry on.
If someone is determined not to change their ways though, what can you do?
You’re not alone OP!

MrsKTx · 23/11/2017 16:10

I was in the same situation and told my manager. I was basically told they couldn't do anything as they would need more than one person to say something before they could do anything... this person even wore the same jumper every day for two weeks - surely that was enough?!
I was really angry as I share an office with this person but hey ho!

Ginseng1 · 23/11/2017 16:13

I had a colleague like this once - a guy. 3 of us brought it to our manager who brought him in & had a word. He took it bad apparently got very upset, cried :( he’d no idea lived on his own bit of a loner. However the following Monday he came in like a new man. Clean shaven, clean clothes & whiff gone & long as I worked with him he remained so & he gained more friends & confidence as a result!!

Rebeccaslicker · 23/11/2017 16:39

Does anyone else click on a thread like this with a secret dread it will be about them?! I know I am mostly pretty fragrant but- what if I am kidding myself???

IslingtonLou · 23/11/2017 16:51

Does anyone else click on a thread like this with a secret dread it will be about them?!

Hmm

Absolutely not as I wash multiple times a day, practise good dental hygiene, wear perfume/deodorant and put on fresh, clean clothes. That’s all it takes! Confused

hanahsaunt · 23/11/2017 16:55

Thankfully it was better today and whilst I am content to ride out until personal circumstances are more settled for the colleague in question (known to be within the week), I do appreciate that I am not the person who has to sit in the same confined space each day. Psyching up for a tricky conversation ... (it's not a big office so I would really rather not go down the email route).

Rebeccaslicker · 23/11/2017 17:01

So do I! But it's quite clear that some people have no idea that they smell. I don't want to be one of them!

I have a friend who won't use deodorant or antiperspirant because her mother had breast cancer and she thinks there might be a link. She never smells too great if she's been busy as the organic stuff doesn't cut it, but I can see why she does it.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 23/11/2017 17:01

I've been on both ends of this. A friend had to have A Chat with me as a teenager, where she told me privately, kindly but firmly that I smelt sweaty and that I needed to do something about it. I'm a sweaty person generally and I started using better deodorant.

We had someone in our department who smelt really awful a couple of years ago. Although I wasn't technically her manager, I was the only other woman there, so it fell to me to have a word. She did have problems and I tried to help her with solutions, and made a few allowances, but in the end she just got more and more defensive. And smellier. She was let go eventually for something unrelated.

Ellie56 · 23/11/2017 17:05

Does anyone else click on a thread like this with a secret dread it will be about them?!

Er no. Some of us are scrupulously clean so know it couldn't possibly be about us. Hmm

If you think the thread could be about you, maybe you need to review your personal habits. Or are you the person from the other thread that only washes twice a week?

JamPasty · 23/11/2017 17:32

That's twice today I've seen that other threat mentioned - link please for the curious? Ta!

Rebeccaslicker · 23/11/2017 17:33

Christ you really can't say anything light hearted around here without the funsuckers taking it literally.

Have your Hmm back and a Biscuit to go with it. Might sweeten you up a bit!

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 23/11/2017 17:39

Does anyone else click on a thread like this with a secret dread it will be about them?!
Not overly so, but then the people who smell seem to be oblivious, so what if I think I'm clean and fresh but actually humm?! After all you can't smell your own stink after a while, just as you stop smelling the perfume you're wearing. I'm pretty sure I smell nice but what if...

Rebeccaslicker · 23/11/2017 17:41

I'm sure you smell lovely and nothing like an old bollock Grin

DownstairsMixUp · 23/11/2017 17:44

Rebecca the fun police are out in full force on mumsnet lately, hence every post needing a light hearted warning incase thickos take it seriously

Lovestonap · 23/11/2017 17:55

I absolutely do click on threads worried it will be me, as I do those ones titled 'to tell this mum she's really annoying' or 'to let my staff member know she's really bad at her job'.
Being self aware means being aware you have blind spots!!

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