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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your scared of death?

112 replies

Babababababybel23 · 03/11/2017 23:23

I was lying in bed last night and for some reason I imagined myself having a heart attack and dying. And I'm only in my early twenties Confused
The thought of it absolutely terrified me. I don't usually think about this kind of stuff, it just came out of nowhere. I then started thinking about an article I read about the fact that your brain still works after you die so you can still hear things. I think that is what put the most fear into me Sad

OP posts:
HarHer · 04/11/2017 07:15

Like many other posters, I am less afraid of death itself and more afraid of how my death and dying may affect others. In particular, I am afraid that if I died suddenly and soon, my sons (who have quite serious mental health problems) would not be able to cope. However, this fear motivates me to take care of my health.

megletthesecond · 04/11/2017 07:21

Yes. Although I think a lot of it is because I'm a LP with school age children.
I have dreadful 4am panics about it. Huge health anxiety too.

shouldaknownbetter · 04/11/2017 07:42

No. I'm intrigued to find out what happens next! What I fear most though is my children growing up without a mother ( if I were to die whilst they were young)

streetlife70s · 04/11/2017 07:42

I’ve become aware of my mortality since turning 40 and finding myself with an unplanned pregnancy, 4th child and didn’t find out till too late to do anything about it.
My whole world has been turned upside down, career in tatters and I think every day how many years will I have after bringing up yet another child with my husband to enjoy life with some freedom. I’m as terrified of him dying more than I’m terrified of my own death. Life just isn’t long enough.

solittletime · 04/11/2017 07:56

mummyoflittledragon Flowers

I'm scared of knowing- I would not be able to be "brave" in the face of a life limiting illness such as cancer. I'd rather not know.

I the George Michael documentary he said something that really resonated. Since his berievements there was this constant undercurrent fear of someone close dying or if his own death.

Since watching my mum pass away I've had the same. It's there every day.

On a good day it helps me enjoy life more and be more careful of not doing things I don't have to/ want to do.

In a bad day it just makes me incredibly sad.

No one in my close family has lost a clise loved one so I watch them skip along in some sort of ignorant bliss and I'm a bit jealous of it!

Reppin · 04/11/2017 08:04

Yes. I don't want to be nothing. But that is nothing compared to the fear of losing those close to me, especially my children.

Ethereall · 04/11/2017 08:05

Since watching my dad die of dementia in a very long drawn out horrifying process, it has weighed very heavily on my mind although I am convinced that there is an afterlife and we will meet our loved ones again and get to experience another life.

Eolian · 04/11/2017 08:10

I think that anxiety about death probably often occurs when you've just had your first child. Life feels more... precarious and vulnerable somehow. I had it after my second child because I had such high blood pressure that I was convinced I was about to drop dead. I didn't of course. It was health anxiety kicked off by a difficult birth and worries about ds (who had surgery at 5 days old). I took a long time to get over it. I'm not scared of being dead at all though. I'm an atheist and believe there is nothing after death.

Catalufa · 04/11/2017 08:15

No, I’m not afraid of death.

It helps me to think of myself as a minuscule speck in the enormity of the universe. So really, my life and death (and, similarly, the impact of my death on those left behind) is nothing really - it’s meaningless in the context of the wider picture.

Maybe it won’t help you to think of it like that though Smile

Catalufa · 04/11/2017 08:16

Not sure if my philosophical musings will help when I’m actually facing the reality of death!

ThomasRichard · 04/11/2017 08:17

I’m afraid of dying and I’m afraid of what would happen to the DC were I to die while they’re dependent on me but no, I’m not afraid of death in the sense of being dead.

Vitalogy · 04/11/2017 08:26

Not death itself. Wondering what my dying process will be though.
I believe in reincarnation.

Vitalogy · 04/11/2017 08:29

It helps me to think of myself as a minuscule speck in the enormity of the universe. I believe the opposite, an ocean in a small drop.

Fairylea · 04/11/2017 08:32

I think about death all the time. I’ve had a year of being incredibly unwell and diagnosed with a chronic and life long illness and it’s made me very aware of my own mortality. I think I probably need counselling to be honest, I’ll look into that soon. I have a lot of pains with my illness and I constantly worry I’ll drop dead with a heart attack etc etc. Awful. I nursed my Gran through terminal bowel cancer and the fear of death has never left me since then.

BornInALighthouse · 04/11/2017 08:44

I'm not scared of the dying part. I am scared of leaving my dd and not having time to get shit sorted.

werewolfhowls · 04/11/2017 08:52

I completely agree that it's after the birth of children that it hits you.

From experience of older relatives of the war generation I did notice that as they because very elderly they seemed a lot more excepting of death and sort of at peace with the whole idea. Perhaps because previous generations saw death more often in the home, open caskets and other traditions, whereas now death is something that happens elsewhere, and people fear what they are unfamiliar with.

Sahara123 · 04/11/2017 08:54

I read that article too and I must say it has affected me and made me scared of the process of dying. I had assumed that at the point of death that would be it, not that your brain would possibly take a bit longer .Plus I have a daughter who needs permanent full time care and the thought of me leaving her floors me completely. I spend too much time trying not to think about these things but it’s hard.

FlakeBook · 04/11/2017 09:03

Terrified to the point of panic attack. The thought of not existing any more is just terrifying. I do fear falling asleep if I allow myself to think about it too.

latebreakfast · 04/11/2017 09:04

Yes, very scared. The thought that one day will be the last that I get up, see a sunrise, feel the wind on my face, talk to somebody, read a book, eat a meal etc etc for all of eternity, and I'll never do any of those things ever again does really frighten me. I know it has to happen and that was what it was like before I was born, but I can only rationalise by not thinking about it. If anything I think I'd prefer an eternity in "hell" to not existing at all...

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 04/11/2017 09:10

Not scared of death in any way but I can't bear the thought of leaving my kids alone in this world.

Exactly how I feel, @insideoutsider. I cannot bear that thought. Death itself.. I don’t like the loneliness idea of it, of the necessity of it being a pure solo act, but I like the Steve Jobs response of saying goodbye to his family, and then his gaze shifting and saying, ‘wow’. That lends a sense of wonder to it all.

But that can all definitely wait, please. Until I know I’m not needed and my children would be grown and adjusted and ready for life without me.

littletike · 04/11/2017 09:19

Yes scares the shit out of me - just not being here anymore as others have said

Ttbb · 04/11/2017 09:23

No-why? It's not like I'd know.

Financialconund · 04/11/2017 09:45

I am not so much afraid of death but would be afraid of dying young for my dc. What terrifies me is a slow and painful death because the law says I have no autonomy to choose how I die. Ie terminal, let's stop this now rather than dragging it out m

FineSally · 04/11/2017 10:19

I do not believe in any form of afterlife.

As others have said it's the process of getting there that scares me, rather than the thought of actually being dead. I think we all hope for a dignified death that's quick and painfree. I'm in favour of assisted dying and I hope that, should I ever be in that position, someone could help me without facing criminal charges.

What does scare me is thinking I could die at any time and leave so many things unfinished or before I have time to do all those things I keep putting off. I'm sad thinking no-one in my family is interested in my genealogy research or will cherish the same things I do.

TheVanguardSix · 04/11/2017 10:54

If you let go of the ego and truly embrace- without any bells and whistles- that we exist in tandem with something marvellous beyond comprehension: Life itself, the universe, all of that, then you really stop fearing the inevitable. It's not really about 'me'.

Yes life is short.
Yes, we want to be around to grow old with our friends and family and watch our children evolve into adults.
These are normal, healthy desires and we should be granted these wants.
But we come with an expiration date and just have to be grateful for the time we have. You just have to make peace with this and not let it keep you up at night.
I believe we are part of something greater and this is a journey of the soul. I could be totally wrong and I have to accept that we just don't really know what it's all about.

But there's enough wonder and there are enough moments which make me feel connected to something greater, something 'other'. This fuels my belief that we are on a continuous journey.