Three months into my marriage and I discover that my new husband hasn't done a day's work since the day that I met him. After dating for two years, commuting to see each other at weekends and then spending a week at each house to accommodate the stepchildren, I discover, to my absolute horror, that my husband hasn't done a day's work since the day we met!
How so, you may ask? I ask that myself too, over and over. It seems that he was freshly redundant when we first dated, had a grievance with employer and took them to court, obviously hoping to win- no such luck, so that takes him six months down the line without work and living off some income support/child benefit. At which point we have been dating six months and things going well. So then, some how or another, he survives, we go on holidays, we travel home to meet the parents etc etc. At which point I am showing off my new catch of whom I am extremely proud.A year on, we discuss marriage, both of us equally excited, he proposes, I say yes!
As we are both a little older and family are most important to us, we settle for a small overseas affair, my family and friends flying out. Throughout this time, much of wedding has gone on my card (more because I had handbag at the right time) and thought we were together forever, so things would even out, so not really keeping a running total.
To cut a long story short, I buy us a house and a visit from his old landlord illuminates the fact he is 6 months behind with rent- I go ballistic and ask how this could be- especially as he has savings. I pay this off, he promises to repay me. I had always known he earnt less than me, but just thought he was paying a lot out on step children costs.
After this event, he realises that he has lost my trust as I am livid that he hid his debts from me and life continues... until a week or so later, when he disappears. Anyway, his conscience has got the better of him and he realises that he can no longer live the lie. He messages me, he has travelled off to the mountains to clear his head and then in the same message explains that he has no job, hasn't had a job since the day that we met and has been 'shuffling money to survive!'
Well, had we not been married, I would have been out of there like a flash and not returned.
As I live overseas, I went to see in-laws, they were mortified and took my side.
So the upshot is- he's back! He has apologised. I have called him all the names under the sun. He has promised me that he will make it up to me. He has sold all of his worldly goods and is busily renovating the house that I bought us in a bid to show he is reformed, whilst applying for jobs. Credit where due, he is applying for anything and everything and has a part time job while still applying that covers the bills.
A good friend said to me this week- so do you really think it will all be over when he has a permanent job and is an equal and a professional again? I couldn't answer. I know what he has done in the last two years, loved me and lifted me up and made me feel alive. He has seen me through stressful times in my demanding job as I am overseas without family and we have had fun and made memories and I LOVE HIM.
His bad choices have totally screwed up my financial situation and there is no way that he can stand on his feet for a while nevermind pay of the 10K plus that he owes me...,
Can I really love and forgive a man who has lied for me for all of the time I have known him? Do I even know who he is???