She sabotaged my toothbrush. AIBU...

[BaldricksTrousers]

To feel really hurt, and also worried?

Last night I used my toothbrush and noticed it tasted really soapy. It was awful. I asked my 7yo daughter this morning if she knew anything about it and she burst into tears and said she was mad at me last night and put soap on my toothbrush. We didn't have an argument, the only thing I can think of is that she was tired and bothered that I made her go upstairs to change out of her PE kit into her onesie. Like, nothing.

I know she's just a kid and I did stupid petty stuff when I was young too, but this just strikes me as so vindictive and vengeful for no good reason. Should I be worried about this behaviour? I know it's rather mild but still bothers me. When she admitted it I didn't shout or yell, and told her I was glad she told me the truth. I said we might have to cancel our bonfire night plans as I didn't feel like doing anything fun anymore. Pretty even response. But it took the wind out of my sails to be honest.

So...aibu to feel this bothered or is it just kids being kids?

I am hoping your dd's behaviour is a one-off and your having dealt with it, stops it in its tracks. I would be a little disturbed, like you are, at such underhanded petty vengeful behaviour from a small child. I would not be able to help myself monitoring signs of similar behaviour in the future.

She was a bit naughty, but showed remorse. I just think kids do these funny things sometimes and it needn't be a big deal unless we make it into one. A stern word and a hug and then no more said about it. I hate the tactic of cancelling big events as a "punishment", I just find it really sad (and no, I'm not a soft touch with wild, spoilt kids, quite the opposite!)

My little brother is a decade younger than me, and we were very, very close growing up. When I was about 14/15 he sneaked into my room and covered it in lotion - it was squirted all over my bed, my clothes, my desk, everywhere! I had no idea why and he gave no explanation, he just cried and said he was sorry. He must have been mad at me for some mysterious reason. Just thought I'd share that as a similar example of small child weird " vindictive " behaviour which really had no great significance in the long run. I still bring it up now when we see each other though

I peed on my mothers so she’s not too bad

I'm totally not laughing at this . That is definitely worse but at least you admitted to it before she used it!

Heh. One of my sons did this when he was the same age. I just told him that it tasted disgusting and not to do it again. I didn’t punish him, this is truly comic book stuff.

I remember putting salt in my mum and aunt’s wine with my cousins when we kids. We thought we were hilarious. It wasn’t spite it was a practical joke.

If you feel you must punish then it should fit the crime really, so a natural consequence of what she did would be to clean all the toothbrushes/buy you a new toothbrush from pocket money or similar. Missing out on bonfire night is well OTT.

When I was about 7-8 years old I was cross with my parents and I poured loads of crushed up biscuit crumbs onto their bed to punish them. It was the only time I did something like that, never did it again, and I grew up to be a well balanced, decent human being. She probably got lost in the heat of the moment and now regrets doing it - I don't think it means she is about to turn into a vindictive horrid child, it was just a solitary moment of madness. Children don't process the effects of their actions the same way we would. She probably doesn't fully understand how upset you are.

Cancelling bonfire night might actually do the trick, esp if she sees the ounishment as a way to get at her and take revenge.....
So how we punish out children should be about one upmanship and taking revenge on them?

I mean yeah, don't go on about it for days, but she is though. It happened last night, when are they going out? It is drawing it out for maximum effect. It was naughty but not horrific.

I have to say as well that there’s lots of projection of children being mini adults on this thread, as if their brain processes are the same. They’re just not! Something like this from an adult would be entirely different, it would come from a different place as hey would know how disgusting it tastes, that it could make the person sick, etc etc. A 7 year old would probably imagine that bubbles would come out of your mouth.

I think your DD did a silly thing which she clearly regretted and was sorry about because she owned up straight way.
It’s spiteful and manipulative to hold cancelling Fireworks over her because ‘she made mummy feel sad’.
If you’re gong to punish bad behaviour then do it or don’t leaving it dangling is a power play and mean.

I am puzzled by some people's responses to this. It seems like quite a small thing to do. She has said sorry.

Sit down with her ASAP, explain that what she did was pontentially dangerous, she might have made you sick and that in families no matter how angry you are you have to be able to trust one another to keep each other safe. Make an appropriate punishment like losing pocket money to buy the new toothbrush. Then say you don't want her having done one silly, thoughtless, naughty thing to spoil your bonfire night so let's put it behind us and go out and have fun.

My little brother is a decade younger than me, and we were very, very close growing up. When I was about 14/15 he sneaked into my room and covered it in lotion - it was squirted all over my bed, my clothes, my desk, everywhere! I had no idea why and he gave no explanation, he just cried and said he was sorry.

One of my younger siblings once threw away something expensive of mine, I'd worked hard to earn it myself and was one of my most treasured possessions. I apparently wronged them in some awful way (told them off when caught somewhere they shouldn't be) and they threw it in the outside bin the night before collection. I didn't notice until it was too late.

The difference here - zero remorse. When confronted, it was 'I was going to take it out but forgot', 'you told me off that wasn't fair' and 'it's gone now, can't do anything about it'. Losing the item was shit, but not being sorry or instantly apologising was so much worse. You can't undo mistakes, whether they are small and inconsequential or have long term effects. How a person reacts to the mistakes they've made is certainly more of an indication to whether they are likely to be just childish or have a 'vindictive streak'.

Nothing the op has said about her daughter suggests she's a mean little girl who needs watching. The op herself said it's likely just some silly thing she picked up elsewhere. If the daughter had showed no remorse or tried to blame her mother, that's a very different situation.

Good point. Bonfire night is only on Sunday, right? Is the event on Saturday?

She's only 7. Punishments should be immediate and as direct consequence of the act.

It's nasty of you to drag it out over the weekend. It was only soap, she admitted to it and apologised.
If you were going to cut a treat it should be no later than lunch time.

I'd be more inclined to tell her that I accepted her apology because she had said the truth, but that next time she'd suffer consequences. A consequence could be having to brush her teeth with soap, as she did to you, so she could know how it felt.

When my dd was 8 I told her off. I was pottering about and an hour later I could hear water running. She had blocked the plug hole with toilet paper then sat back and waited. It was running through the bathroom floor down my newly papered walls and through the light fitting.

By all means cancel pocket money or assign more household chores. Be firm and fair as it wasn't a nice thing to do, but really it is comic book stuff.

Your threat, and emotional blackmail over being sad was way OTT. Also you're dragging it out, and making it more painful by threatening, maybe, to cancel a big event. That's mean.

I would be worried what else she is doing.

When my sister was 10 she rubbed our older brother's toothbrush in the loo and then put it back.

It's why I started taking my toothbrush to my room with me.

Thanks for the responses everyone. And for sharing similar experiences/past behaviours. I'm going to try to look less seriously at this because I don't actually think she's a budding serial killer. For those who think I'm being emotionally manipulative, I hope I'm not really...I am only human and it did make me feel upset and weird. I was trying to be open with my feelings and I've not dealt with something like this from her before.

I won't cancel bonfire night but I will talk to her about getting me a new toothbrush. If it was a joke gone awry I don't want her to think that she's in a house where we can never have fun with each other, but I want her to know that anything that goes in the mouth is off-limits, and how we can better manage our feelings of anger towards each other before they turn into revenge.

I also used to do things like this (with my cousin) because of reading about them in Enid Blyton. Pepper in coffee, washing up liquid in olive oil etc. we thought we were HILARIOUS and amazing. Get her to brush her teeth with soapy toothbrush and see how she likes it, that should deal with it.

I did this as a child as well, after reading about it in a book. From what I remember it was kind of a prank in my mind - even though the idea was definitely to get back at my parents.
I remember being very disappointed the next day when it seemed like they didn't notice

Baldricks i would just have a stern word with her, she can't do it and it could have made you sick. My dd never done anything like that again, I think she was quite shocked at the damage she caused

Oh dear, I see I’m alone in finding this hilarious! blush my sister did stuff like this all the time, clingfilm on the loo, marbles at the top of the stairs shock she was always up to mischief. She is a perfectly normal and sensible human being now, is kind to animals and children, never been arrested, doesn’t even drink! yes it was naughty, a telling off, apology and buying mummy a new toothbrush would have sufficed IMO.

Me too. I was a little shit, and so was my brother. I shudder when I think of the tricks we got up to as kids!

We are little Angels now though.

Don't take it so seriously OP. She is just acting like a normal kid.

I'd find it secretly funny too.

Keep your eye out for one of these Op if you cancel the bonfire celebrations.

Any punishments especially for little kids should be immediate so you’ve made the right decision. I don’t think I’d even bother about a new tooth brush. She’s apologised and you’re going to explain to her why soap was such a bad idea.