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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at this road rage incident that was more or less my fault

109 replies

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 02/11/2017 15:10

I was driving somewhere unfamiliar and I turned right in front of a car. This car was driving round a bend very fast, and I swerved as did the driver and apart from being very shaken, everyone was unhurt and no damage at all to our cars.

It was completely my fault and I pulled over to apologise. What happened next was just so shocking and scary.

He ran over to my car screaming and shouting at me, I apologised, said it was completely my fault and asked if he was OK.

He had completely lost the plot and two men in a van pulled over as they could see what was going on. One of them cracked a joke about women drivers trying to lighten things I think, but the driver just wouldn’t calm down and continued ranting, he was flailing his arms around and it was pretty scary.

I accept he had every right to be upset and I apologised several times. I also had my 10 year old DD with me so she witnessed all this. My best friend was behind in her car and she and her daughter also witnessed this.

Next thing a boy in his dressing gown appears out of the angry drivers car, he looked around 10. He approached my window and got right in my face and called me a fucking twat.

The men in the van said that’s not on to angry man and went to get out of the van. Angry man then turned his anger onto his boy!

I just can’t stop thinking about it and I’m so angry with myself for making the mistake. But AIBU to think to think his behaviour was out of order, I’m just grateful the van men stopped as I’ve a feeling it could have been worse.

OP posts:
araiwa · 02/11/2017 16:56

there is also a big fucking difference between me t-boning a car at 70 mph on my bike and a 2mph bump between cars at a junction ffs

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/11/2017 16:57

Anyone - a young male driver (21 or 22) ploughed his car into the back of mine while I had stopped at traffic lights a couple of years ago.

He had been on his phone, not looking at the road at all, and had completely failed to spot either the traffic lights changing colour or the cars in front slowing to a stop. He was also travelling at roughly 50mph on a 30mph residential street.

My car was written off (as was his which pretty much fell apart on impact) and I suffered back & neck pain which necessitated an ambulance being called to the scene (thankfully nothing too severe).

I still managed to stay reasonably polite somehow. Rage rarely helps me. IME angry people get angry.

AmIAWeed · 02/11/2017 17:04

It doesn't help now after the incident but this is exactly why I have a dash cam, accidents can and do happen.
When you've had a scare you aren't always thinking straight, That applies to both the person at fault and the person caught up in someone else's mistake.
The dashcam would have caught the registration plate so you could have looked at the footage later to see, once everyone had calmed down, if the incident was as bad as it seemed. It would also given you the evidence you needed if you need to involve the police of his road rage and help them track him down.
Yes you made a mistake, but his response was also unreasonable

Ceto · 02/11/2017 17:04

Araiwa yes, it is unacceptable conduct to shout and scream expletives and threaten other drivers who have apologised to you repeatedly and at length so that other drivers feel they have to intervene to protect the other person. If you have so little control over your anger that you can't stop yourself from doing this, you need to think about whether you should be out on the roads.

Slimthistime · 02/11/2017 17:04

Mittens "But I somehow don’t think he would have reacted like that if it had been a man in the car."

given the road rage incidents I see in London I would guess that he would.

OP was he speeding at all? I presume not because you'd have said in your post otherwise?

Tbh I'm not sure how I'd react in a near miss, I might go off ranting as well. he didn't physically threaten you in any way, that would be different?

Anyoneanytimeanywhere · 02/11/2017 17:07

Araiwa even your posts sound angry Angry

derxa · 02/11/2017 17:08

Op you were in the wrong.

Storminateapot · 02/11/2017 17:08

Somebody drove into the back of me a couple of weeks ago at traffic lights. He damaged his car but mine was unscathed. There was a jolt and I had my kids in the car so was a bit shaken. He was very apologetic, said it was his fault & asked it I was ok. I said yes I was, we shook hands and got back in our cars.

That's how you deal with an actual accident, let alone a close shave. Screaming, swearing and using threatening body language is never ok and I'm appalled at those of you who think it's an acceptable way to react.

PandorasXbox · 02/11/2017 17:11

The OP knows she was in the wrong. That doesn’t absolve the man from his actions though.

Mittens1969 · 02/11/2017 17:12

*Somebody drove into the back of me a couple of weeks ago at traffic lights. He damaged his car but mine was unscathed. There was a jolt and I had my kids in the car so was a bit shaken. He was very apologetic, said it was his fault & asked it I was ok. I said yes I was, we shook hands and got back in our cars.

That's how you deal with an actual accident, let alone a close shave. Screaming, swearing and using threatening body language is never ok and I'm appalled at those of you who think it's an acceptable way to react.*

This 100%. We’ve all coped with bad driving on the road. The OP isn’t saying she wasn’t in the wrong. Actually so was my FIL, according to the reports we saw. He’s dead. The consequences can be really serious. The OP herself was shaken up.

SelmaAndJubjub · 02/11/2017 17:15

anyone thinking the OP should contact the police as the one wronged are completely off-key legally and are taking a very strange social stance

Where did you go to law school? Wherever it was, you clearly skipped the lectures on what constitutes abuse and assault...

PoisonousSmurf · 02/11/2017 17:17

Pity your friend didn't get the reg number. But I've had run ins with men like this even when it had nothing to do with me. Mainly because I may have told them off for speeding, they think they can bully me because I'm a middle aged woman.
I carry FARB spray. It seems to concentrate their minds and they back off.

araiwa · 02/11/2017 17:20

i have never threatened anyone, noone has ever had to intervene.

you fucking cunt, you nearly killed me is my usual response to people nearly killing me- i feel that it is an entirely appropriate response

people who pull out on others shouldnt be allowed on the road- no matter how much they apologise. its fucking dangerous and can have ultimate consequences

FlooOOOooomplet · 02/11/2017 17:20

You made a silly mistake which you acknowledged and apologised for. The man had no right to act like such a dick and it sounds like he acted well out of proportion as there was no damage and nobody was hurt. He’s a bellend. Forget he even exists.

reflexfaith · 02/11/2017 17:22

Mr Angry intended, by his abusive behaviour to frighten and intimidate the op, to punish her for her bad driving, we have a criminal justice system to deal with that, he should not retaliate in that way and if he did he is in the wrong.

Whether his behaviour was more 'wrong' than her negligent driving is neither here nor there
as the saying goes...2 wrongs dont make a righ

permatiredmum · 02/11/2017 17:23

You come within a hair's breadth of killing his child, I think any parent would lose it under those circumstances.

tentative3 · 02/11/2017 17:25

It was more than a silly mistake. She could have killed the occupants of her car and the other car. If nobody was hurt so it didn't matter what the OP did, then it doesn't matter what he did either, since no one was hurt.

It was a mistake for sure, and I've already said that he was unreasonable but I'm uncomfortable with some of the 'there, there OP' posts.

Madbengalmum · 02/11/2017 17:27

There are alot of men who think it is ok to be threatening and abusive like this. I suppose he never made a mistake in his life!

disahsterdahling · 02/11/2017 17:28

I'm wondering if it even was your fault. If he came speeding round a bend, you couldn't just disappear if you were already in the process of turning. Perhaps he should have been driving a lot more slowly. Maybe the road needs a mirror.

We are often so conditioned as women to think we are in the wrong.

You said your friend was behind you - did she think you were in the wrong? 50-50?

Insomnibrat · 02/11/2017 17:28

We all fuck up and inwardly cringe on the roads now and again. I find a quick admission of fault and a 'sorry' nearly always placates the other driver.

His reaction speaks to who HE is as a person, please don't take it to heart.

RB68 · 02/11/2017 17:29

Airiwa or whatever your name is - t boning at 70 - you are speeding insurance wld likely 50 50 it. Others are right your posts show poor anger management even in creating words. I would 1 slow down and 2 take up yoga and do the breathing thing

a junction over another part of road would only appear on dual carriageway with a speed of likely 50 at most 60 and not on a motorway to T bone

araiwa · 02/11/2017 17:31

a silly mistake

one example

RB68 · 02/11/2017 17:34

sorry that shld say would only appear on roads up to as obviously they appear on lower speed roads.

And its not like the pulling across or out is done deliberately to trap and kill you. The reasons could be poor sightlines, poor periphery vision or any number of other reasons - whilst obviously a mistake is made you shouldalso be driving at a speed appropriate to the road and conditions and where a driver is pulling across your road driving at 70 even if it were within the speed limit is clearly not appropriate.

Its people with attitudes like yours that give bikers a bad name

LakieLady · 02/11/2017 17:36

you fucking cunt, you nearly killed me is my usual response to people nearly killing me- i feel that it is an entirely appropriate response

I think if I rode a motorbike (instead of just riding pillion), I'd feel the same. If they said "Sorry mate, I didn't see you" I'd probably spontaneously combust with rage.

I see so many drivers completely oblivious to the presence of bikes, I reckon DP must be clairvoyant to have managed 37 years of biking without an accident.

woodhill · 02/11/2017 17:37

People constantly turn right in front of others or do the wrong thing on the roads. It's not right but it happens. He totally over reacted.

OP try to forget his venom and keep going

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