Mothers little fib

[Blankuser1992]

Sorry for the click bait title guys but you know how it is!

I AM SO ANNOYED

So bit of a back story so get your snacks!! – I like cherry coke-

So I have recently moved out of my parents’ house after a brief three month stay due to moving to the other side of the country.

Could not at the time live with boyfriend in his flat due to renovations being done etc

So fast forward the three months to moving in with boyfriend and all happy families.

NOW, I had asked my mother if I had any mail come to her house to please just drop me a text and ill come get it (sounds reasonable enough right?)

I also advised her that I would be changing my address after October because the role I’m starting in November has her address while it goes through referencing.

Just to reiterate –

She knew I would come get the post

She knew the role I’m getting requires
myself to be referenced through her house etc

I was going to change living address with the bank after October passed

SHE AGREED TO ALL OF THIS – before someone says its her right to decline, she said it would be fine

TODAY – I go into my local shop and pick up some food for the weekend and go to check out to not only have my card declined but to get a good telling off from the shop assistant because they were busy.

Que be being mortified and confused because I KNEW I had money in that account, so I go home and go through the banks automated not helpful service to find out that my mail had been returned to sender!!

The bank said that my account wouldn’t be activated for at least 48 hours!

I have multiple things on tonight and tomorrow that require me to draw out money.

Partner is putting up the rest but I’m so annoyed at my mother for just sending it back without a second thought of how it might affect her daughter, I get if she had said no in the first instance that she did not want post coming to her house but she didn’t and now I’m scrambeling to just get stuff in order.

I know worse things happen in the world but I don’t think im unreasonable to think that if someone says they are going to do something..they do it?

[knobblykneesandturnedouttoes]

Have you checked she has your new address written down correctly? Maybe she sent it on to the wrong new address?

[DeadGood]

This is getting a little odd.

So she did forward two letters on to you? Did you get them?

What exactly was the letter from the bank? Was it a new card? I don't see how a RTS letter would cut your card off.

As a PP said, it should be very simple to access your money, just go to the bank. They are not in the business of leaving people stranded without cash for a simple post error.

The job reference thing is an odd red herring.

And finally, your mother has said she dealt with all your post correctly, so why not believe her?

[CocoPuffsinGodMode]

It seems a bit odd and I don’t think you’ve enough information to blame your mum. How would the bank know it was returned from her address? I mean that’s the address on the envelope but I’ve received post for same house number, X Road instead of Avenue or post for No 123 instead of 23, the postie can make a mistake!

How long since you moved out and have you had any post from her? Would you expect much to have gone to her address and have you asked if there’s anything there you need to pick up? I think you may be jumping the gun tbh.

[WineAndTiramisu]

Redirect via post office for 6 months, solves the issue.

[ZeroFuchsGiven]

So I have recently moved out of my parents’ house after a brief three month stay due to moving to the other side of the country

Are you sure it wasn't sent to your previous address and not your mothers?

[minisoksmakehardwork]

I would pay Royal Mail for a redirection from your parents address to your new one. It will save you the angst of wondering did your mum return it, was it send to your old address etc. It’s £30 ish for 3 months which should be enough time to sort everything out.

[CocoPuffsinGodMode]

Zero that does seems much more likely doesn’t it? Simple admin error in the bank ie not having updated your address or updating one but overlooking a linked account.

There’s nothing here to link card declined to spiteful mum wouldn’t send me my post

[ZaphodBeeblerox]

It sounds like there’s a huge backstory but why are you assuming your mum returned your mail?

She agreed to receive it? When asked she says she has been receiving it and passingit along?

Why assume she is maliciously screwing your over on a fairly trivial note rather than assume the bank fucked up?

Btw I’ve lived in my current place for 3 years, have changed all my financial info ages ago. Have received all my Bank letters at this address for 3 years. Two weeks ago out of the blue Bank decided to send a letter to my old address, it got declined and they blocked my joint account as DH was on his way to airport. Can only be unblocked with both of us calling. So no debit card access for either of us until he could call in as well and sort it out mid business trip. And they still have no idea how it randomly reverted to a previous address for no reason! Bank systems are quite shite.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Ok so that's a little odd, but why didn't you just get your mail re-directed?

[Maursh]

It seems more probable that the bank sent mail to your OLD address (the one that you left three months ago).

[BertrandRussell]

"Ok so that's a little odd, but why didn't you just get your mail re-directed?"

Because why would you if your mother agreed to send your post on or hold on to it until you collected it?

Amazing how "evil manipulative mother" is considered more likely to people than "bank/post office cock up"

[CotswoldStrife]

Why does the referencing need to go through your mother's address?

[WipsGlitter]

Agree just get your post redirected. You can do it online.

Also why was your card declined? That only happens if there’s insufficient funds? What were the back writing to you about.

You sound from your posts a teeny bit like a drama queen...

[Glumglowworm]

Post does get returned to sender sometimes for no clear reason. But it's a hell of a co-incidence that it's happened now.

I work in financial services and when we receive mail back we would try and contact customers by phone or email before stopping their account, so I would be asking your bank why they haven't done this, and making sure they have your up to date phone number and email address

YANBU, but i doubt your mum will admit to it now

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

"Ok so that's a little odd, but why didn't you just get your mail re-directed?"

Because why would you if your mother agreed to send your post on or hold on to it until you collected it?

Snarky. Because you're an adult and don't still expect your Mum to sort everything out for you?

[Thymeout]

When I moved, Barclaycard managed to leave out a line in my address, meaning my new card was delivered to a betting shop half a mile away. The call centre was in India and it took ages to sort out with someone who had no idea of local geography, or even what a betting shop was.

Your mother's forwarded some post. Why on earth would she withhold a communication from your bank and send it back to them? You've just been living with her for 3 months. Surely your relationship can't be that bad.

I agree with Bertrand. The most obvious reason is most likely to be the right one.

[MerryMarigold]

Why does the referencing need to go through your mother's address?

For a DBS, I think you need to have been a resident at the address for a certain amount of time.

[MerryMarigold]

Is it possible the mail was sent back from your previous address before you moved in with parents? Did your receive any bank mail whilst you were at parents?

[BluePancakes]

Annoying, but you live and learn. If you're not going to confront you mum, to prevent a fight, then you have no choice but to simply move on.

I lost a £40k job, thanks to my dad. At uni, my finals were late, so I was applying for jobs before I even had taken them. As I had to give my permanent address, I had to use my dad's address, and asked him to open any post for me, and phone me in case it's job-related. I applied for loads of jobs, as you do, had a fair few interviews, some of which I heard back from, some I didn't. Eventually I accepted a job I was offered, a graduate position with a not-bad salary, and found somewhere to rent nearby.
After finals, I returned to my dad's house, to find a stack of letters, including a job offer for the £40k position. Even though I had spoken to my dad in-between, he never mentioned the letters, and when I confronted him, he said that he thought it was all junk mail(!). By this point, it was 3 weeks after the offer-open-until date, one week before the job I'd accepted started, and I couldn't pull out the rental agreement, so I couldn't reasonably change my plans.
You live and learn... not to trust parents

[hikikomore]

I've had a bank account suspended because a letter was returned to them marked 'not known at this address'. But that was because our postman's shite and seems to have great difficulty putting letters through the right doors.

[Darlingsof]

Are you sure it didn't go to the wrong house - we get stuff for next door in our ,mail box quite frequently if the postie isn't careful? And they reposted it? Or maybe she wasn't thinking? If she says she didn't do it then I'd believe her and move on.
Clearly it's a bit inconvenient for you but you did stay with her for 3 whole months so perhaps keep things in perspective?

[lottiegarbanzo]

Just pay for postal redirection for three months. Gives you time to update everything.

Also deals with this problem at source - whatever the problem is, be it neighbours, postmen or unreliable mother.

Maybe raise it in conversation with her later as a 'curious incident' that you've dealt with effectively. Just leave it there.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Burning bridges?

What bridges exactly?

Because she sounds like a nasty arse who you tiptoe around otherwise she will attack you. And she doesn't support or listen to you or have your best interests at heart, obviously.

Moving out and moving on like this seems the perfect opportunity to redraw your boundaries.

Why not let her know that actually, you're now a grown-up, a person in your own right, and if she treats you like shit, YOU'LL walk away?

One day you'll have a family of your own perhaps, children. Stop tiptoeing now. You'll be glad you did!

Don't contact her.

Let her contact you.

Then tell her you're just having a bit of space as you've had so much hassle over the post issue, with the bank having mail DEFINITELY RETURNED TO SENDER - haven't had a moment to get in touch, it's been soooo stressful.

Her- 'What are you saying, not my fault, are you saying I messed up your post, blah blah'

You - 'I'm not in the mood for this' :) - phone down.

Repeat until she respects you as an adult!

[Scaredycat3000]

Oh dear. My DM has hit this point, I just can't work it out, I don't consider her elderly, she's not, but her common sense suddenly makes no sense and seems to have gone out of the window. And woe betide you if you dare question her about it, hugely defensive, and somehow I get the blame. It's been a bit of a shock TBH. It's ruined our relationship, DM is constantly in a mood with me for showing her up her mistakes. MIL on the other hand has always been like this. I once found the postman and my neighbour having a chat about what this letter says and who it might be for, it was OH's redirected letter containing his tax disc. That was years ago and several car related legal letters have been redirected by MIL, that is OH's fault, he has had years and years of it, MIL has always lied, fudged and not done as promised, so don't trust her!
My glass of Cherry coke was very nice.