Mothers little fib

[Blankuser1992]

Sorry for the click bait title guys but you know how it is!

I AM SO ANNOYED

So bit of a back story so get your snacks!! – I like cherry coke-

So I have recently moved out of my parents’ house after a brief three month stay due to moving to the other side of the country.

Could not at the time live with boyfriend in his flat due to renovations being done etc

So fast forward the three months to moving in with boyfriend and all happy families.

NOW, I had asked my mother if I had any mail come to her house to please just drop me a text and ill come get it (sounds reasonable enough right?)

I also advised her that I would be changing my address after October because the role I’m starting in November has her address while it goes through referencing.

Just to reiterate –

She knew I would come get the post

She knew the role I’m getting requires
myself to be referenced through her house etc

I was going to change living address with the bank after October passed

SHE AGREED TO ALL OF THIS – before someone says its her right to decline, she said it would be fine

TODAY – I go into my local shop and pick up some food for the weekend and go to check out to not only have my card declined but to get a good telling off from the shop assistant because they were busy.

Que be being mortified and confused because I KNEW I had money in that account, so I go home and go through the banks automated not helpful service to find out that my mail had been returned to sender!!

The bank said that my account wouldn’t be activated for at least 48 hours!

I have multiple things on tonight and tomorrow that require me to draw out money.

Partner is putting up the rest but I’m so annoyed at my mother for just sending it back without a second thought of how it might affect her daughter, I get if she had said no in the first instance that she did not want post coming to her house but she didn’t and now I’m scrambeling to just get stuff in order.

I know worse things happen in the world but I don’t think im unreasonable to think that if someone says they are going to do something..they do it?

[RedSkyAtNight]

OP's mum has denied returning the mail to sender. Why not believe her (others have suggested alternative scenarios that may have happened).

Also, remember that OP's mum has let her stay for the last 3 months. That hardly puts in her in the nasty person category.

[BlackBanana]

Because she sounds like a nasty arse who you tiptoe around otherwise she will attack you. And she doesn't support or listen to you or have your best interests at heart, obviously

She just let OP live with her for 3 months and you made the rest up yourself?

Why are people so damn nasty on here? Their own issues and frustrations I guess?

[Percephone]

I have had mail returned to sender when my mother scored out the old address and just wrote on the new one. I think this could have happened.

[Thymeout]

It's news to me that you can't forward mail by putting a line through the address and writing the correct one. Since when? I've been doing it all my life and never had any problems.

[BeachyKeen]

Wait, so she let you luve with her for months, says she didn't return your bank stuff, (it could have been returned from anyones house) and she did forward other mail of your s that had shown up.
Unless there is a massive backstory, why did you think she wasn't to sabotage you?

[BoredOnMatLeave]

I expect this happened

The two letters your mum posted to you? Did she put a line through her address and write your new address on the front?
If so sometimes these letters cannot be sent on and will be returned to sender by royal mail.

[Corcory]

I would fill in a post office redirection form and get everything redirected A.S.A.P.

[JWrecks]

Double post, sorry, but this...

The two letters your mum posted to you? Did she put a line through her address and write your new address on the front?
If so sometimes these letters cannot be sent on and will be returned to sender by royal mail.

Yes, do you think this is possible? Could you ask her if she remembers anything about the items she posted to you? Have you received them?

[JWrecks]

Is it possible the mail was sent back from your previous address before you moved in with parents? Did your receive any bank mail whilst you were at parents?

This is a good question, because... would she really go through with that, after an explicit conversation about simply holding onto your post? She would have to deliberately read the post, see your name, strike out the address, write "return to sender" or whatever, and put it back in the post. That's much more to do than simply leaving it on the table with the rest of the post.

Would she really go out of her way to sabotage you like that? I'd hate to think she would do all that, if your relationship is fine. If she really did that, that's just awful!

[jellycat1]

The shop assistant sounds bloody U for giving you a 'good telling off' when your card was declined. Wtf do THEY get off

[Bunnyfuller]

Just pay to have your post re-directed, your way sounds uber complicated

[statetrooperstacey]

The two letters your mum posted to you? Did she put a line through her address and write your new address on the front?
If so sometimes these letters cannot be sent on and will be returned to sender by royal mail.

[BertrandRussell]

Just ask the bloody woman. Then you'll know if she's a manipulative horror or if the bank/post office screwed up. If the first, the bridges are burnt anyway.

[kateandme]

say "oh but the guy from the bank said it had been returned to sender from my previou address,that being your???"

[Ambonsai]

What's cherry coke got to do with it?

[MinervaSaidThar]

question did you return to sender any of my mail

Sorry but this made me lol. Why start asking a question with 'question'? Surely a question mark at the end will do?

[BellBookandCandle]

Just set up a postal redirection for you so post can still be addressed to your mother's house, but will come to you at your new address.

Really quick and easy to do on line and no drama!!!!!

[Scaredycat3000]

Oh dear. My DM has hit this point, I just can't work it out, I don't consider her elderly, she's not, but her common sense suddenly makes no sense and seems to have gone out of the window. And woe betide you if you dare question her about it, hugely defensive, and somehow I get the blame. It's been a bit of a shock TBH. It's ruined our relationship, DM is constantly in a mood with me for showing her up her mistakes. MIL on the other hand has always been like this. I once found the postman and my neighbour having a chat about what this letter says and who it might be for, it was OH's redirected letter containing his tax disc. That was years ago and several car related legal letters have been redirected by MIL, that is OH's fault, he has had years and years of it, MIL has always lied, fudged and not done as promised, so don't trust her!
My glass of Cherry coke was very nice.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Burning bridges?

What bridges exactly?

Because she sounds like a nasty arse who you tiptoe around otherwise she will attack you. And she doesn't support or listen to you or have your best interests at heart, obviously.

Moving out and moving on like this seems the perfect opportunity to redraw your boundaries.

Why not let her know that actually, you're now a grown-up, a person in your own right, and if she treats you like shit, YOU'LL walk away?

One day you'll have a family of your own perhaps, children. Stop tiptoeing now. You'll be glad you did!

Don't contact her.

Let her contact you.

Then tell her you're just having a bit of space as you've had so much hassle over the post issue, with the bank having mail DEFINITELY RETURNED TO SENDER - haven't had a moment to get in touch, it's been soooo stressful.

Her- 'What are you saying, not my fault, are you saying I messed up your post, blah blah'

You - 'I'm not in the mood for this' :) - phone down.

Repeat until she respects you as an adult!

[lottiegarbanzo]

Just pay for postal redirection for three months. Gives you time to update everything.

Also deals with this problem at source - whatever the problem is, be it neighbours, postmen or unreliable mother.

Maybe raise it in conversation with her later as a 'curious incident' that you've dealt with effectively. Just leave it there.

[Darlingsof]

Are you sure it didn't go to the wrong house - we get stuff for next door in our ,mail box quite frequently if the postie isn't careful? And they reposted it? Or maybe she wasn't thinking? If she says she didn't do it then I'd believe her and move on.
Clearly it's a bit inconvenient for you but you did stay with her for 3 whole months so perhaps keep things in perspective?

[hikikomore]

I've had a bank account suspended because a letter was returned to them marked 'not known at this address'. But that was because our postman's shite and seems to have great difficulty putting letters through the right doors.

[BluePancakes]

Annoying, but you live and learn. If you're not going to confront you mum, to prevent a fight, then you have no choice but to simply move on.

I lost a £40k job, thanks to my dad. At uni, my finals were late, so I was applying for jobs before I even had taken them. As I had to give my permanent address, I had to use my dad's address, and asked him to open any post for me, and phone me in case it's job-related. I applied for loads of jobs, as you do, had a fair few interviews, some of which I heard back from, some I didn't. Eventually I accepted a job I was offered, a graduate position with a not-bad salary, and found somewhere to rent nearby.
After finals, I returned to my dad's house, to find a stack of letters, including a job offer for the £40k position. Even though I had spoken to my dad in-between, he never mentioned the letters, and when I confronted him, he said that he thought it was all junk mail(!). By this point, it was 3 weeks after the offer-open-until date, one week before the job I'd accepted started, and I couldn't pull out the rental agreement, so I couldn't reasonably change my plans.
You live and learn... not to trust parents

[MerryMarigold]

Is it possible the mail was sent back from your previous address before you moved in with parents? Did your receive any bank mail whilst you were at parents?