Wedding - To think that bride and groom need can invite different number of family guests

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My wedding plans are going nowhere. My fiancé won't accept that my family is bigger than his. Thinks it will look 'weird' that the family member ratio will be 1:3. This is first level family so aunts, uncles, first cousins, siblings (plus their partners, children). No friends invited, family only is what we both want.

He thinks I should not invite some of my family to reduce the guest list on my side. He says it will be embarrassing for his family to be so small in comparison. Am I right to think his reasoning is absolutely insane and makes no sense? Please tell me who is being unreasonable because it's causing so many arguments. I want my entire family at the wedding! Will it look ridiculous??

My partner could only think of 7 people (close family) he wanted to come to our wedding initially and I had a list of about 80! We’ve evened it out a bit now but it’s still about a 2:1 ratio. We’re inviting my cousins (and I have a lot of them), because I was close to a lot of them growing up and it would be weird to not invite a couple of them (especially as they are the siblings of people I do want to invite), whereas he is as never really involved with any of his cousins so isn’t bothered. I am very aware that it might be a bit strange that I have loads of family there and he has less but he’s happy. Tbh he’s such a cheapskate that he’d happily not have any guests if he felt it would save on the costs!

Right. So does this ‘cheaper’ wedding mean that he still gets to invite all his family, but you have to cut your numbers? So essentially he’s just got his own way anyway by selling it to you differently?

Right. So does this ‘cheaper’ wedding mean that he still gets to invite all his family, but you have to cut your numbers? So essentially he’s just got his own way anyway by selling it to you differently?

Yes this!

We wanted close family.

My mam, her husband
My dad his wife,
Mil
Fil and his wife.
Siblings, partners and dc.

That’s all we wanted.

Problems occurred when my Dad thought his wife’s parents who I’ve met three times count as close family, that his wife’s sisters who I don’t even know the names of are close family and I’d be rude not inviting them, so then inviting them would mean inviting all our aunties because while not close, we do see them way way more than stepmoms family, and I absolutely know they’d be hurt if they found out my stepmums family were invited and they weren’t.

Dh has less aunts and cousins than me, on his mams side we see them often and we’d have liked them there but knew the ones on his dads side who I’ve never met after 18 years with dh would kick up a stink to fil

We both hate being center of attention so wanted small amount of guests. My dad is also known for getting drunk and being aggressive towards my Mum so in all honestly I wouldn’t want him there but he’d have manipulated and made me feel so guilty it was easier for me to be anxious all day than anxious in the whole build up and being made to feel like a cunt for years after.

In the end we said fuck it and went to registry office just me, dh and dd... Mam totally understood, she said she knew all my life I’d do that. Mil was furious and said she understood why we did it but that we should have just told her and allowed just her to come.

I had NINE from my side at our wedding, including my parents. DH has 30. The other 11 were mutual friends & their children.

We had a tiny wedding with only 19 guests. 16 were my family, the other 3 were DH’s! He didn’t mind in the slightest, you can’t help who’s in your family.

You may want to reconsider marrying him. He doesn't really seem right in the head.

I kind of get that if you've got say 5 guests at your wedding, and your fiancee has 40, it might feel like you are at their family party. And that this number is restricted to "family only" for some reason, so you feel you can't ask mates so it feels more yours too.

I can understand wanting an even smaller wedding in those circumstances.