FB related, SN and family drama.

[Herestoinsanity]

Gonna be an extremely long post, fb related if you want to whinge about how people shouldn't post anything on FB leave now, I have very tight security and only have very close family and a handful of friends on mine, I am going through a lot of stress with my DS having mental health issues.
I also have a lot of issues with chronic illness so FB is my sounding board
My sister has a son a year younger with autism and has a lot of struggles.

Below is a following exchange all names have been changed or omitted, if you recognise me I don't care anymore if this outs me.

I'm posting here because try as hard as I can to forget it I am still so angry days later.

AIBU to think my sister is a total bitch?
As a side note a week before she told me I wasn't allowed my wheelchair at her wedding as there was no room so I was already annoyed.
Side note 2, I cannot take any responsibility for DS dad and his comments that's none of my business.

My Post:
Absolutely fed up of child services, Cahms, GP, point one, the school and the school nursing team!
No one knows their arse from their elbow and everyone keeps saying how DS needs support but not one fucker is providing it!
How many bloody referrals and arguments does it take because Im 8 months in and still at square bloody one.
If my son does commit suicide as he keeps saying I am going to hold every single one of the above responsible.
How many times does he need to threaten to hurt himself or actually beat his siblings up before anyone will listen. No wonder he gets so frustrated when no one is willing to help.
Not like we even have any family or friends for support either.
Don't keep telling me to keep on it because I have. How many times can I smack my head off a brick wall?!

Sister:
Unfortunately there is no cure for the side effects of ASD. You do have to just keep on it. Take it from someone 8 years in. Its hard work an a 24/7 job. Xx

ME:
It's not just autism that we are dealing with unfortunately, a 9 year old boy being suicidal is not a side effect it's a mental health problem, I don't want a cure but a child who isn't so desperate that he considers suicide a viable option.
Trust me I am fully aware it's a 24/7 job Im living it x

SISTER:
Then you really need to stop expecting people to help or do something about it imediatly.. thess things take time Unfortunatly you can only watch him nd make sure he dont. Unfortunatly they cant do nothing about it but give drugs or councilling. And mental health is effected by ASD. Xx

MY DH:
It's been months / years of trying to get support / advice / recognition. We've been round the houses with departments and have got absolutely nowhere. No one wants to know!

DS DAD:
We've been at this for just over 9 years, we are doing everything we can to get DS the help he needs it's just extremely frustrating when the ones that are there to provide that help drag their heels or just don't bother.
Every child and every situation is different!
And if ME wants to vent on fb that's up to her she doesn't need negative comments

SISTER:
ill comment wat i want when i want ive been dealing with all this for 8 years aswell nd i understanding what she is going through nd i obviously knoe every child nd situation is differnt as ive been dealing with this alot longer then you an i dont need none of your oiopns on something you actually no shit about. ME can block me if SHE has a problem with my comments.

SISTER
DS aint commited suicide so clearly ME is doing everything she possible can so mind ya buisness!

D'S DAD
As I said ME and I have been as you say "dealing with it" for over 9 years so how the hell did you come up with you've been at longer, ME and I have researched everything we can get our hands on regarding autism
You know nothing of DS situation
As for mind ya business this is my son your talking about how about you keep your nose and your opinions out

SISTER:
I know as much as she shares on facebook and im entitlled to comment on what i want when i want for a good few years i done it all alone there are 3 of you supporting DS nd as i stated before he aint done nothing so SHE is doing well. Nothing you can do but deal with it and if she wants to vent then she can nd does no one is stopping her but ita fb its a social network there is a comment bar for a reason if she wants private venting she should use a diary.

ME:
^^ this is half the problem, you see what is shared not what happens off Facebook, DS DAD is. You have never done it all alone, you have mum, MIL and whoever you are with at the time.
I have done this alone, and I thank God I don't have to again.
I didn't post this for criticism or arguments, I posted it because Im sick of not getting any support from anyone...
No one knows what I deal with, or how to deal with it.
YOUR SON has his needs which are no less difficult but are very different and unless you have lived with how DS needs show no one can comment, hence why I don't ever comment on how you deal with YOUR SON because I have never lived it.
Yes it's great my 9 year old hasn't killed himself, but let's be fair that's setting the bar rather low... making sure my kid is alive.
These services are there to provide support, my working taxes pay for them.
It shouldn't take 8 months to get one person to listen, Im not expecting special treatment just what they are meant to provide.

DH:
You know the best help we've had so far... 'here's a couple of flyers for services that can help and are within an hours drive of you' ... open up both and are for over 16s only.... fan fucking tastic!

ME:
Fucking hell if you don't like my moaning on my Facebook page delete me simple. Again if you read I have not said my life is harder I explicitly stated it's not just different.
By the same flip of the coin exactly I am his mother, I have to do it all too. If I want to rant I fucking will.
Whoop de doo you don't make it public I don't really care.
Youre purposely being inflammatory.

SISTER:
Wow what a load of bollocks.. im voicing my opinion same as you did. I got inflammatory coz DS DAD decided to have a dig and yes you are his mother so stop acting like someone else should be doing this its your job no one elses same as me nd thats your problem you dont care about anyone else only you nd your problems. Everyone knows it nd just dont say it. Nd i will be deleting you now coz im sick of seein your moaning everyday.

Completely inappropriate of you to post that on FB in the first place. you say its only close family and friends but are ranting about how you have no family or friends for support?
Were you trying to piss people off or did you not care? Who were you even talking to?

I think you're probably wasting a lot of your time and energy ranting at people you never see and who give you no practical help - your sister even says secretly people are sick of reading moaning every day.
I think you'd be far better to use Facebook as a social tool and find some closed groups where you can post this stuff and people can actually relate or maybe give you a tip to help.
You've all 3 just caused yourself a load of stress. Your husband was really embarrassing and doesn't care about making things worse with your family.

Why post if you don't think you're being unreasonable?

I think you all need to grow up and stop using Facebook as a place to post personal details of your life and argue all over.

There was nothing wrong with what your sister said. She was trying to be supportive, despite the fact that your original rant was really disparaging to her and the other people who would have read it. When you write “not like we have any family or friends for support” presumably to an audience of family and friends, you are going to get limited sympathy.

Close family and friends as in people who are related or pretty much related to those who are related. As well as my very few close friends and family who wouldn't take it personally and would know Im venting.

Your first post was not ‘polite’ and ‘just explaining’. It was an aggressive and ill- advised public rant. It all went down hill from there.

Good lord. Step away from FB.

Social media is not a 'sounding board' for your problems and it's always going to go tits up if you insist on airing all your dirty laundry in public.

Your husband was commenting with information on leaflets etc that you’d received so he’s obviously been involved but you then say again how no one has supported you! You’re so rude OP! Your poor DH!

You don’t come out of it smelling of roses, no matter who you think got shirty first.
None of it was polite. You basically told her to F off in your first response, then your DH and DS’s dad both piled in too.
If you wanted to rant then you should have just posted and walked away for a couple of hours. Get it off your chest and move on for a bit. Instead your sister got the brunt of it because what she said wasn’t what you wanted to hear at that minute.

I genuinely can't see what your dsis is doing wrong. I think your own stress and anger is making you see and hear things that are not meant. Please stop blaming your sister. Ye need to support each other. The amount of horrible bitter language from you and your dss dad is dreadful. Get support elsewhere. Maybe your sister is not the right person as there is obviously stuff between ye but l preferred her tone to yours.

Maybe go out with your sister for coffee & get support/discuss these issues.

FB drama just leads to more sleepless nights than your original problem.

Also what about confidentiality issues for your son? Maybe adding to his problems having his diagnosis/current mental state on the internet?

I also don’t understand how DS Dad says you’re been looking for support for ‘over 9 years’ but you said DSon is only 9 years old?

Ah well fair enough Im unreasonable.
Just had my mum call me a vile, inhuman piece of shit over it all, she's my sister's best friend and her love for me has been learnt well by little sis. But what the hell any chance to stick a knife in me.

Poor you Op, is that what you want us to say?

You mentioned that you have been requesting help for 8 months - is the depression and aggression fairly new behaviour? Has he suddenly acquired any other new symptoms such as regression or OCD?

Feels like you're playing 'Woe is me' Top Trumps. You're both dealing with a lot but you seem to be determined to make it seem like you're worse off.

Oh christ, I literally just unfriended someone that posts all this kind of personal dramatic crap daily. It's exhausting just reading it. Post whatever you like but understand you make it other people's business when you do.
A lot of us are dealing with difficulties that we manage not to post about in great detail on social media.

I posted a rant, I don't have any support from friends or family, - what, the same close family and friends whom you have on your FB so you can vent on there?! You can't have it every way, if they don't support you in real life, they aren't suddenly going to step up because it's online. In fact, you will all post things where the meaning may not come across as intended and just perpetuate misunderstandings and resentments.

You do realise you basically implied your sister is a slut in your response

I don't think you cover yourself in glory tbh OP. You do have support, your DS's dad and your DH but you seem very 'woe is me, I'm doing it all alone'. It comes across as a top trumps of ASD and who has dealt with the most shit. I hate this kind of 'rant' on Facebook and unfollow people who do it. It's really not the place. Your sister has a point in that if you will put these things up, you are inviting comments and you cannot pick and choose between them. You just don't like your sister.

I think competitive Autism sufferers and parents of are similar to Competitive sleep deprivation in the parents of newborns, there will never be a winner, because the winner is always a loser, and that hurts.

Just make sure she cannot see any posts about this in future. I always block a lovely lady I adore and care deeply about from posts about me drinking or drink in general, posts about halloween and anything else I think may offend her. She is a retired Salvation Army officer, was very important to me in my teens but totally disapproves of these shenanigans. She is never offensive, just expresses her upset, so I shield her from it. And myself from her upset. Might be an idea to do this for you and your sis!

Jeez, did it never occur to either of you to take the conversation over to Messenger instead of keeping it on a Facebook status for everyone to see? Do people have no concept of privacy these days?

Your sister responds a lot more normal than you do. Your writing style is pretty aggressive and I'm not sure if you realise how you come across. Reading someones words can be very different than talking to someone.

You both sound like you are struggeling. I think that being in this situation for so long clouds your judgment a bit and is giving you a very short fuse. It is understandable but not very helpful.

I hope you get help soon.

I don't really care for peoples opinions on what I post on facebook thats my business.

You can’t have it both ways. If you don’t want comments on it, don’t put it into the public domain.

I understand your frustration. Alot of parents are going through the same and ultimately they must put in most of the work. The services are bad.

I also say YABU for noting such personal information on FB. I dont think you can claim it is your personal business when you put it on Facebook.

It comes across like a contest, I thought your sister was supportive in her comments.