Sorry this could get long, I will try to keep it short as possible. Name changed as this would be very outing.
I have an old friend I have known since I was about 13. We have kept up with each other sporadically through the years, especially as when adults we ended up living far apart (Scotland - mid England). Until recently we hadn't seen each other in nearly 10 years but have been in touch alot recently due to both having our first child.
He is getting married next year (to the mother of his child). She has significant mental health issues one of which is a tenancy to paranoia in friendship meaning that she has no one who she feels close to. I have some experience in this area. Because of this, my friend asked if I would be maid of honour for their wedding as he thought I would be supportive to her and be a calming influence on the day. She was in agreement btw.
I agreed but also said to him that the distance could make it difficult. Not least because I hadn't even met the bride, but also because as a sahm I had very little funds and no childcare so they would have to come to me. He agreed with this.
Since then me and the bride have chatted lots online sending pictures back and forth of suggestions and they also travelled down and i was able to meet her (on a day when another friend B of mine was visiting and she is now also involved in group chats).
Since then alot has started to be asked of me. Several meetups have been suggested, many of which I've had to say no to as they would have been expensive (going to events in London, needing a hotel stay) or needing childcare as children aren't able to go (nail art shows etc). The bride asked when we could go shopping and we arranged a wedding dress trip close to me but unfortunately had to cancel last minute as she was ill. I've always tried to suggest alternative suggestions that I can do, closer to home, when dh has a day off etc but none were taken up.
Bride then asks that i come to her for shopping for her and my bridesmaid dress and fittings and for the girls as she now wants my daughter to be flower girl. I'd have to stay in hotel for these as no room with them. She also wants a hen do of a spa day and shopping day in a far city (from both of us) needing two days of hotel stay. I keep trying to explain to her that I can't do these. I have no childcare and no money. I suggest again things that I can do e.g. I can stretch to the spa day but only if it is close to home and I don't have to pay for the hotel.
I find she is just not 'getting' it so I open up a chat with my friend (groom) and her to explain things. I then find he questions why I can't afford it - on paper we are alot better off than them. On the day we met up he and my dh had spoken about things like the whiskey he likes to drink etc and he says if dh can afford them why can I not afford to treat myself too? At that point I blew up and pointed out that all that they were asking would add up to well over £1500 and that's before we even get to hotel etc for the wedding day! It doesn't really compare to a bottle of £20 whiskey every month or so. I calmed and said that I am happy to be MOH still but that I can't do more than I have stated so if they want to find someone else who can do more then that is fine, that I will still come as a guest and even help her get ready on the day.
They went away and thought about it and said (unfortunately!?) that they do still want me to be MOH they just think that it's really sad that I'll be missing out on the bridesmaid treatment. We agreed that she will do her dress shopping up there, we would re think the hen do and I would shop around for dresses and send pictures as she doesn't want to do online. I asked for a budget for this and they said £30 as they can't afford more. I pointed out that tart is quite low for the full on bridesmaid style she is wanting but said I'd do my best. Since then she has continued to message telling me to go to various shops, most of which I don't have here and that I need to go asap as they have sales on NOW ado i am still feeling the pressure.
Now my aibu, friend B has obviously been witnessing all this. She says that I am being really unfair to be like this. That I wouldn't have wanted to shop for my wedding dress alone so it's mean to suggest that she do this. If I really tried I could probably manage to do these things but it would mean spending pretty much all our savings.
Soo.... aibu? Or are they?