Office tea making etiquette

[abbijay]

I am developing a special kind of rage for a colleague who has fairly recently joined my team about not getting involved in "brew rounds". I should, at this stage, probably point out I work in construction - tea is to builders what flour is to bakers - we don't function without it and it is a core value within any construction team. We have a nice kitchen in our office with unlimited tea and coffee so it's not like you have to pay for your drinks.
I've been here for a couple of years and if you want a drink you always offer those in your part of the office a drink too, maybe the nearest half a dozen people but not everyone will say yes every time. I probably end up drinking half a dozen cups a day and making one or 2 "rounds". (Water is an exception to this, you are "allowed" to get yourself a water without the need to offer - this is historical before my time and is openly discussed in the office).
When the "new boy" started he joined in with us, made brews and accepted our offers however over the course of 3 months he has changed his attitude (particularly following an unrelated boll0cking). Now if any of us offer a brew he declines!! But worse still once you return from the kitchen he will then toddle off on his own to make a drink just for him!! My inner builder finds this the HEIGHT of rudeness. And he, now, NEVER offers anyone else a drink.
I have taken to not very subtly hinting by making him a drink without asking or asking if I have missed out on a brew when he returns with his drink. Anyone else would have started getting back in on rounds by now but not "new boy".
This is starting to affect my working relationship with him and as his (non-supervisory) senior it should not be. Our boss is the same and it is driving us up the wall - as a team we have discussed it, as you do in office politics!
So who IBU? Me or "new boy"?

YABU! In my first job everyone took turns to do the tea/coffee round... I didn't even drink tea or coffee back then but was made to do it!

And 6 cups of tea per day?

That's a sure fire way to damage your bones and teeth.

I have taken to not very subtly hinting by making him a drink without asking or asking if I have missed out on a brew when he returns with his drink.

That's pretty passive aggressive. Look, either accept he doesn't like joining in on rounds and leave him to it or USE YOUR WORDS.

"Hey Bob, I've been meaning to ask, why aren't you joining in on the tea rounds? Do you like your tea a special way?" You could add "around here sharing tea at the same time is a way we connect so it makes me feel odd not to include you."

But then leave it there. It shouldn't be required to join in all the time, even though it changes the dynamic.

You are. Grow up. It's tea.

(I used to work in an office full of people like you, where there was constant angst and politics and feuds and muttering about the tea and coffee fund, tea and coffee making ettiquette, birthday/ wedding/ leaving collections, use of the break room space, improper use of the microwave, whether we should have washing up sponges or dishcloths in the break room, emptying of the dishwasher, etc etc etc. The office manager was one of the worst and the building was full of passive aggressive laminated signs directing us as to how to use the microwave/ wash up/ flush the fucking toilets/ ensure we paid in to the tea fund... People from other localities used to visit our office and laugh. Just remembering the way such petty things were treated as a big deal has made me so irritable I'm going to take a smoking break now).

My God, tea round etiquette is the dullest bit of office politics there is (and all office politics is dull). The last place I worked banned tea rounds for this very reason - you were allowed to make tea for yourself and one other person, and that was it. It was a much better system!

This has to be a wind up. I could understand if he was taking tea when you made it but not taking a turn but he's not.

The fact he's making his own tea is affecting your working relationship with him

Ffs grow up and get a grip

This has to be a wind up. I could understand if he was taking tea when you made it but not taking a turn but he's not.

The fact he's making his own tea is affecting your working relationship with him

Ffs grow up and get a grip

No, no you've go this very wrong. He's choosing not to participate. He did. But now he doesn't. He doesn't HAVE to. Its not a rule.

We are 6 in this section. We all make rounds. I get about 6 cups of tea per day. Its fab.

Tea is a very personal thing and his reluctance to have others make it for him may come from that. As far as coffee is concerned, we have a coffee machine and you just help yourself from the pot (which I make every morning) and add your own milk and sugar, but we all stop and have a coffee at the same time.

The American in our office is NEVER allowed to make tea.

YANBU. He is being deliberately anti-social in a fairly blatant way.

He's not OBLIGED to participate in tea rounds and he is breaking no rule. But he is using the tea round to emphasise that he is NOT one of the team, doesn't care about his fellow workers and is generally an entitled oaf.

Do not make an issue of the tea rounds. Just wait until he actually needs some help that YOU are not obliged to give (i.e. a small but normal favour and not directly part of your job). For example, he needs his car moving in the car park when he's already gone on site and can't easily get back to it.

Then offer to do it, but remind him with good humour and a smile that he's a bit short on favours since he ostentatiously won't participate in the tea round.

That way nobody has violated their professional duties or their o obligations to their employer, he has been paid back for his ostentatious rudeness and given something to think about, you get rid of your rage and job done.

Oh good lord. If he isn't accepting drinks made for him every time someone puts the kettle on and is making his own without making for others at the same time then what the hell does it matter? It might not be in the spirit of things, but who cares?

Where I used to work it was rounds of 11 every time, but this was once or twice in the morning and once in the afternoon so you only actually had to go to the kitchen a couple of times a week. There were others who didn't participate but no one made a big deal of it.

Read the OP @Mantegnaria - he owes no favours as he declines when offered a brew.

My god Mantegnaria, I'd hate to have someone with this behaviour you suggest working for me.

But he is using the tea round to emphasise that he is NOT one of the team, doesn't care about his fellow workers and is generally an entitled oaf.
Being a member of a team is not centred around participating in ridiculous tea-making rituals.

Just wait until he actually needs some help that YOU are not obliged to give (i.e. a small but normal favour and not directly part of your job). For example, he needs his car moving in the car park when he's already gone on site and can't easily get back to it. Then offer to do it, but remind him with good humour and a smile that he's a bit short on favours since he ostentatiously won't participate in the tea round.
Disgraceful behaviour.

That way nobody has violated their professional duties or their o obligations to their employer, he has been paid back for his ostentatious rudeness and given something to think about, you get rid of your rage and job done.
And you'll come across as a passively-aggressive imbecile.

What the fuck mantegnaria it's attitudes like yours that make some people's work lives so miserable

YABVU, and so is mantegnaria.

Leaving the tea rota in my office is one of the best things I ever did

OP not sure if YABU or not but it does sound a bit like a mountain out of a molehill. Although I do work in an office where the "brew round" is a thing.

I haven't been in that situation for years and, TBH, if you had asked me three years ago I would have said that it sounds like a PITA. In fact it is OK here. We are a very small office so whoever is making offers to everybody. It is just workable at the size we are but if we take on any more staff we might have to split it as the tray won't be big enough. ATM it would look really, really, really standoffish not to take part.

Mmm. Better get off mumsnet because I think it will be my turn soon.....

Eurgh I hate rounds. When theres less staff i always offer but I'm not standing for what feels like forever making drinks.

Tea rounds at work used to be the nightmare of my existence. I don’t blame him for wanting to not be a part of it, I used to start getting a dread feeling in my stomach when it was my turn!

I also had a team mate who insisted on ‘team paracetamol’ and ‘team mints’

I used to work with someone who admitted he made bad rounds on purpose so he was never asked again, which explained my coffee flavoured tea 😳

If you;re his senior I'd be very careful of making a point of commenting every time he makes a cup of tea - could be seen as bullying imo. I'm with him - I like my tea my way and I wouldn't want anyone else to make it for me. I also don't know how you can get any work done if you're making half a dozen cups of tea twice a day.

Honestly it seems like no one has enough work to do if this is something people are getting annoyed about.
Let him get his own tea. Stop being ridiculous.

YANBU. He is being deliberately anti-social in a fairly blatant way.
Cos he makes his own tea and doesnt expect anyone else to do it? Ok.

He's not OBLIGED to participate in tea rounds and he is breaking no rule. But he is using the tea round to emphasise that he is NOT one of the team, doesn't care about his fellow workers and is generally an entitled oaf.
Unless he is hired specificaly to make tea for op and colleagues then he is under no obligation to make tea for anyone. With all the fuss over 'tea rounds' I have seen on MN I dont think I would want to join in either!

Do not make an issue of the tea rounds. Just wait until he actually needs some help that YOU are not obliged to give (i.e. a small but normal favour and not directly part of your job). For example, he needs his car moving in the car park when he's already gone on site and can't easily get back to it.
Then offer to do it, but remind him with good humour and a smile that he's a bit short on favours since he ostentatiously won't participate in the tea round.

How old are you? 5? The tea round has feck all to do with his actual work, that he is paid to do. You can hardly call him out for not caring about his team and then tell op to do that like a spoilt child when she is in a senior role! Good grief it sounds like nursery. "You didnt play cars with me so I am not playing house with you, nyah, nyah"

That way nobody has violated their professional duties or their o obligations to their employer, he has been paid back for his ostentatious rudeness and given something to think about, you get rid of your rage and job done.

Ostentatious rudeness! For not wasting his time making 6 or 7 cups of tea when he could be, you know 'working'!

The mind boggles at how things run in your office Mante

Come to think of it, are you sure he even drinks regular tea? Are you sure he isn’t making himself something like green/decaf/herbal tea that he’s brought from home and doesn’t want to get into complicating the tea round?

I have a medical issue that means I can’t have caffeine, so I have to bring in my own decaf teabags. That’s another reason why I don’t do ‘tea rounds’ as I hate having to ask people to make a special extra cup for me.

I’ve noticed that some people seem to take it really personally when I turn down tea or coffee though. I hate having to give them my medical history just to explain why I don’t want a brew, thanks!

Oh come on

Really?

Tea rounds are ridiculous and the biggest waste of office time. People only do brew rounds to take the piss and have a chat in the kitchen for 15 minutes!