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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking dd to a party only ds has been invited to?

41 replies

Pesha · 14/04/2007 13:31

My ds (3.8) has been invited to a party this afternoon by a friend from playschool. He can be quite manic so I wouldn't want to leave him there, for their sake more than anything! I had intended to get someone else to look after my dd who is 6 but completely forgot (baby due on monday so was half expecting to have had it by now and so not be going anyway!).

So I have told dd that she can come but cannot eat party food, wont get a party bag and has to play nicely, not trying to take over or anything and come and sit with me when I tell her to. I wont dress in her party clothes just normal clothes and was thinking Ill spend slightly more on a present than I normally would. Its in a big hall with lots of soft play blocks etc, have held 2 parties there myself for dd, so I know there's no limit on guests or things provided IYSWIM.

I know i wouldnt mind if someone did this to me but I feel ever so cheeky doing it. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

OP posts:

niceglasses · 14/04/2007 13:32

Well, I wouldn't mind but some pple do. I'm afraid I have done it (have 3 so sometimes necessary). I never mind if pple do it at mine - most are polite and don't expect food/bags as you say. I'm sure it will be fine.

Trinityrhino · 14/04/2007 13:33

I wouldn't mind in the least

Marina · 14/04/2007 13:35

Have you rung the partygiver to check they are OK about it?
I wouldn't mind at all but I'd appreciate being asked first.

Polgara2 · 14/04/2007 13:38

Why would anybody mind? You've made it quite clear to your dd that she's not 'going' to the party - what else are you supposed to do when you've no other option. Happens all the time here - no one minds in the least.

princesscc · 14/04/2007 13:39

I think under the circumstances its perfectly acceptable. The party is a pre-schoolers one after all. I think had they been school aged and you took another child its a bit off tbh, but not at this age.

IdrisTheDragon · 14/04/2007 13:41

I wouldn't mind. And wouldn't be worried about being asked before either.

misdee · 14/04/2007 13:43

i would be a bit peeved if you just showed up with your dd, but if you had called ahead first then it would be fine.

deepinlaundry · 14/04/2007 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hercules1 · 14/04/2007 13:47

Tbh if I knew you had a 6 year old I would expect you to bring her along and would be a little surprised if you'd gone to the trouble of arranging childcare.

I dont take ds now 11 to parties for my 3 year old dd but that's too much of a difference and he'd be bored stiff.

jampot · 14/04/2007 13:48

i would be a bit miffed and I have had this happen to me as regardless of your good intentions its actually very hard not to feed a non invited child nor scramble together a party bag. Plus of course if everyone did it ......

Greenleeves · 14/04/2007 13:49

What would you do then, jampot, if you were heavily pregnant, had no-one to look after the older child and the younger child knew about the party and was looking forward to it?

It's not ideal, obviously, but most people would understand the predicament and not bat an eyelid IMO.

mears · 14/04/2007 13:50

I would say to the mum concerned because although you have told your DD she will not get a party bag etc - the mum won't know that. I am sure she won't ming.

Tutter · 14/04/2007 13:51

lol at being sure she won't ming

powder28 · 14/04/2007 13:52

I think you are being perfectly reasonable as you have no alternative.
It wouod be unreasonable for the host of the party to object to you taking your 6 yr old.
If it was my party I would make sure that your dd was included and given a party bag etc. She should also be free to help herself to food, but thats just my opinion! Don't know what the host is like....

jampot · 14/04/2007 13:55

Well as I have only 2 children I have never been in that exact predicament. However if the party was at home I would leave the 3.8 year old or possibly leave the older child with her father or of course get father to take the younger child to party. Im sure if all the other parents were staying then you could collar someone to be his "point of contact"

mears · 14/04/2007 13:59

oopsa

mind even!

Greenleeves · 14/04/2007 14:01

Perhaps the children's father is at work? My dh certainly would be at the time most children's parties are held.

jampot · 14/04/2007 14:04

i didnt see that it was in a hall - not sure really.

Why do you feel cheeky pesha?

deepinlaundry · 14/04/2007 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Freckle · 14/04/2007 14:10

I had the mother of one of DS3's friends call to ask if she could bring her daughter to DS3's party. I said that, as it was being held in a soft play centre which was open to the general public and not booked exclusively for the party, I was sure that it would be fine.

She and her dh turned up, told the play centre staff that I'd said her dd could be a party guest (I hadn't - I was expecting her to pay and amuse her dd herself) and just left. I'd never met the child before and she didn't know anyone other than her brother. I didn't even know her name. She spent the entire time following her big brother around who clearly didn't want her there and kept hitting her. I ended up paying for her because it wasn't fair on the staff.

The mother later tried to do this the following year, but I made sure that she couldn't that time.

I think if she'd called and said she was heavily pregnant and her dh was working, I'd have been more than happy to accommodate her dd, but as neither was the case I was extremely angry that she'd just dumped her dd on me so she and her dh could have a nice lunch together (she told me afterwards that's what they'd done).

MintChocChippyMinton · 14/04/2007 14:11

I have had to do this myself, at a similar style party, was but hostess was fine about it (I did drop in a thank you note the next day though)
On the other hand, i don't mind extras at my DC parties, usually send them home with a packet of smarties and slice of cake.

jampot · 14/04/2007 14:12

Freckle that would have made me so cross.

Original poster

Pesha · 14/04/2007 17:07

Sorry to just disappear, read a few responses, went off to phone the mother and noticed the party started half an hour earlier than I thought so had to race off to tesco and buy a present!

They were absolutely fine about dd being there and she actually said I could leave them both and go home for a kip if I wanted! I didnt though, ds has a tendency to get abit over excited and i did have to tell him off for pushing a few times and wouldnt like to expect someone else to deal with his temper. He was no worse than any of the other boys mind which was reassuring They also offered her food (there was loads there) and gave her a party bag which I tired to turn down but she said 3 children hadnt turned up and she had spare anyway.

DP is at football which isnt the greatest reason for him not to have dd but its something he's commited to.

I felt cheeky because although I personally wouldnt mind I realise it is an imposition as she's not been invited and worry it might put them out if they had only just enough food or whatever.
Also dont like the idea that they might be annoyed but then wouldnt want to seem unreasonable so say its fine and then bitch and moan behind my back about it!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pesha · 14/04/2007 17:09

I also spent about twice as much on a present than I normally would as I was taking 2 guests

OP posts:

powder28 · 14/04/2007 17:11

Pesha, you don't live in frome do you?

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