DH doesn't want me to go on Christmas night out

[Sotuko]

I'm an introvert who tries to avoid socialising at all costs. However I've been invited to a works Christmas night out. I don't know anybody there apart from one woman who DH doesn't approve of. This is because last time I went out with her, she got horrendously drunk and tried to cop off with a number of blokes throughout the night, got us kicked out of a pub and got us kicked out of a takeaway. Nothing bad, just sillyness on her part (spilling drinks, taking shoes off, being loud etc). I remained pretty sober so was more of a bystander.

If I was to go to the Christmas night out I'd be going with her. DH is upset about it and thinks the night would consist of her trying to cop off with blokes and me becoming part and parcel of it basically.

He's never tried to stop me going out before and has asked if there is anyone else I could go on a Christmas night out with. He doesn't have a problem with any other friend.

Is he being unreasonable or does he have a point?

Read this before.

In my experience work xmas does are part of the job and to be endured. You should go but make it clear you have to leave at 10 to your friend and make sure you slip out no one will notice you've gone ( sorry ) but people dont remember when someone left unless they werent there for the drunken mishaps in which case you're better off at home. Anyone with sense would have left by then in any case

And the OP is an adult who is perfectly capable of assessing risk and her own level of comfort with it. She doesn't need a man telling her what she should do.
From the OP says he's not stopping her at all, just expressing his view. That's fairly normal in equal relationships It's called taking an interest and caring.

Why do you 'have' to go with her? Is it because of transportation? I wouldn't want to be out with someone who can't control their alcohol intake or who may put me in awkward situations. There's not much worse than being around a sloppy or uncontrolled drunk.

I'd use this party as a way to get to know other people in the company. I know it's difficult for an introvert, but you can still make the effort.

And I know this isn't fair, but have you ever heard the expression "Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas"? This coworker's 'antics' may be colouring other people's perceptions of 'who you are'.

From the OP; he is upset, thinks she will get involved with things she shouldn't AND doesn't want her to go. That is very different to saying, "sounds like a nightmare, your choice".

So OPs DH is not a cool DH

mrstp who mentioned anything about a cool wife?
My point was I've seen this story in reverse and posters made that comment why would you be married to a man who associates with a person like that.

He can express his concern but doesn't have the final say.

From the OP; he is upset, thinks she will get involved with things she shouldn't AND doesn't want her to go. That is very different to saying, "sounds like a nightmare, your choice".
I see it as being both though - DH is upset because he doesn't want OP getting caught up in her antics, doesn't want her to go because of that, BUT says that at the end of the day it's her choice. It's (in my opinion) a case of "I'd rather you didn't go" than "you can't go". The first says "I care", the second says "I control you".

Well it's fairly obvious why she associates with this person, isn't it, because she told us.

The problem with all the 'this thread would be different if it was a man' posts are that it's completely illogical. The OP knows the content of her own mind. When women talk about their DHs they don't and neither do we, so we are going on the information we know. And MN isn't a HiveMind. Different people post different answers to different threads.

If you want to go, go. it should be your choice but I'd reassure DH that you won't get ridiculously drunk too.

Of course you should go out if you want to go. Why wouldn’t you? What’s it got to do with your DH? You’re an adult who can look after yourself

So you need his permission? It's really not up to him.

This thread looks familiar. Anyway, Your can't control who they go out with. It's their personal life.