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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH doesn't want me to go on Christmas night out

63 replies

Sotuko · 31/10/2017 12:21

I'm an introvert who tries to avoid socialising at all costs. However I've been invited to a works Christmas night out. I don't know anybody there apart from one woman who DH doesn't approve of. This is because last time I went out with her, she got horrendously drunk and tried to cop off with a number of blokes throughout the night, got us kicked out of a pub and got us kicked out of a takeaway. Nothing bad, just sillyness on her part (spilling drinks, taking shoes off, being loud etc). I remained pretty sober so was more of a bystander.

If I was to go to the Christmas night out I'd be going with her. DH is upset about it and thinks the night would consist of her trying to cop off with blokes and me becoming part and parcel of it basically.

He's never tried to stop me going out before and has asked if there is anyone else I could go on a Christmas night out with. He doesn't have a problem with any other friend.

Is he being unreasonable or does he have a point?

OP posts:

cakecakecheese · 31/10/2017 12:54

I got kicked out of a club once for being a drunken nightmare (absinthe is work of the devil) but I'm not usually that bad and I'd be horrified if my friend's were banned from going out with me due to one ridiculous evening. Unless this happens every time she goes out.

I'm hoping it's more your husband being concerned for you rather than telling you what to do? If it's the first one then maybe agree that you'll leave if things get out of hand. If it's the second one, does this happen a lot?

Theresamayscough · 31/10/2017 12:55

Mmm got to say a night out with her sounds more fun than a night in with your dh.

whiskyowl · 31/10/2017 12:57

I think it's bizarre that he would assume that because you are with someone who is trying to get laid, you would also try to do so. It sounds like he fears moral contagion from this woman when you've given him absolutely no reason to doubt your fidelity or commitment.

KeiraC · 31/10/2017 12:57

Pretty sure I ve read your post about her before. I kind of agree with your husband, I wouldn’t want my husband to socialise with someone like that. She sounds like an idiot. Surely there comes a point where getting thrown out of pubs and take out places are neither funny nor clever? It’s not my idea of “fun” But ultimately the decision and the choice is yours

mrsharrison · 31/10/2017 12:57

I've been in an abusive relationship but i dont see your dp's view as unreasonable.
I wouldnt want my partner going out with the male equivalent of your friend. Its not just the copping off, its being chucked out of pub etc. Its behaviour that can lead to drunken violence, arrests etc.
if you do go maybe recognise when its the right time to leave (before it gets messy).

reachforthestarseveryday · 31/10/2017 13:01

Your h sounds controlling. Why does he think you'd try to cop off with other men? He doesn't get to tell you where you can go or who with. You're an adult.

Bet he likes you being an introvert...

Shoxfordian · 31/10/2017 13:03

He's completely out of order

He doesn't get to tell you whether you can socialise with certain people or not. He doesn't get to say if you can go out or not.

FloControl · 31/10/2017 13:06

This story sounds familiar. I'm sure I've heard this one before but I can't remember my response.

Nettletheelf · 31/10/2017 13:09

If I were you, I’d go. Really, what is the worst that could happen? You’re a grown up. You’re not suddenly going to turn into an alcoholic crack monster nymphomaniac, are you?

Your friend sounds like a riot, actually. If you’re quite introvert, that’s the type of friend you should be going out with!

Branleuse · 31/10/2017 13:11

Your husband can have an opinion, but ultimately its up to you.

AuldHeathen · 31/10/2017 13:11

If you really want to go, then go. But what’s the great attraction? Friend sounds dreadful.

mrsharrison · 31/10/2017 13:11

But her DP isnt telling her she can't go (he has no right) and he has no history of doing so. He is genuinely concerned about his wife's safety being out with someone who likes getting pissed in public, copping off and getting chucked out of pubs and takeaways - classy!

MissingPanda · 31/10/2017 13:22

Go! It's a work's christmas do so there will be other colleagues there if this woman does behave like last time which she may not do. Even if she does it doesn't mean that you will and you can leave/chat to other colleagues if she does.

ArcheryAnnie · 31/10/2017 13:22

You are a grown woman. Your DH doesn't get to decide who you do or don't socialise with. Go if you want to, or go alone if you'd rather not hang out with this friend.

Arealhumanbeing · 31/10/2017 13:25

You’re his wife. Not his infant.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 31/10/2017 13:25

Yeah, if your husband had a reckless friend like this, you probably wouldn't want him hanging around with him either.
He could be concerned for your safety, or he could be worried you'll end up copping off with someone too. You know better than us.

Nikephorus · 31/10/2017 13:28

I wouldnt want my partner going out with the male equivalent of your friend. Its not just the copping off, its being chucked out of pub etc. Its behaviour that can lead to drunken violence, arrests etc.
This ^^. It's not a controlling DH, it's a DH who doesn't want his wife getting dragged into god knows what by drunken colleague. Who's to say that OP won't get suddenly abandoned by colleague copping off with some stranger and heading back to his for a shag? Or dragged into the middle of a drunken argument? She doesn't sound like great fun to me - I'd be rejoicing at staying in.

Butterymuffin · 31/10/2017 13:48

You really need to get to know some of the others. Don't get stuck with loud friend. Surely you can reassure your husband that you have no interest in any involvement with other men at this do?

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2017 13:52

It's not a controlling DH, it's a DH who doesn't want his wife getting dragged into god knows what by drunken colleague. Who's to say that OP won't get suddenly abandoned by colleague copping off with some stranger and heading back to his for a shag? Or dragged into the middle of a drunken argument?

And the OP is an adult who is perfectly capable of assessing risk and her own level of comfort with it. She doesn't need a man telling her what she should do.

He can say, "I wouldn't" but not "you shouldn't".

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 31/10/2017 13:57

I've read this before. I'm sure of it.

So now the DH is controlling but yet when the reverse is posted posters question why OP would be married to a man who would associate with a person like that 🤔

user1499333856 · 31/10/2017 14:04

Have you posted about this woman before?

Theresamayscough · 31/10/2017 14:06

I used to worry about my teenagers being influenced by others!

Now they are adults I know they are quite capable of looking after themselves and neither persuaded to get pissed or ‘cop off’ whatever that means as they are you know adults.

Get yourself a frock go out and have fun op. Get to know the others and probably this woman will rein it in a bit this year.

Birdsgottafly · 31/10/2017 14:13

"She's very popular, centre of attention type, everyone loves her. I like her too and she's hilarious to be around"

I'd say go, based on that.

You don't have to stay until she's at the throwing out of takeaway stage.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2017 14:16

So now the DH is controlling but yet when the reverse is posted posters question why OP would be married to a man who would associate with a person like that

Really? My DH went to Vegas with his utterly dreadful friend (who does worse than the OP's friend). I had no idea I was a cool wife. I think the responses on the opposite would be, "do you trust your DH?". The OP says she's trustworthy so we don't have to ask.

gillybeanz · 31/10/2017 14:23

If you want to go then you should.
It has nothing to do with your dh what you do, he sounds lacking in trust, I wouldn't put up with this tbh.

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