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AIBU?

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Original poster

To call 101 about neighbour?

77 replies

wotabastard · 31/10/2017 09:51

My downstairs neighbour went absolutely ballistic at my toddler having a tantrum this morning as I was getting my children out the door to school and nursery this morning and I was actually scared to come back in my flat on the way home.
We generally walk on eggshells already, creep about and don't use the room above her bedroom in the morning. She has shouted and screamed at us before and sent her very calm and pleasant boyfriend up to ask us to be quiet, however he sympathised with me and was clearly embarrassed to be at my door. We make usual family noise and I try and modify it to the best of my ability. We do not play loud music, tv, stay up late or get up early. We were only up and about from 7.45am this morning (school at end of street). The noise she complains about is footsteps even when it is barefoot tip toeing, I really don't know what to do. The floors are laminated and I am saving up for decent rugs to hopefully muffle some sound.
My toddler wakes at about 6am and I creep through and quietly bring her to my bed where she bf's til we get up to get ready. At approx 8.40am we were due to leave and she started having a tantrum. I had opened the front door as her wellies were out there but it was such a wrestle. Suddenly I heard downstairs neighbour screaming at her to shut up at the top of her voice and viciously slamming her door. My toddler was shocked and even more upset after! It was horrible. As I came down the stairs I saw her standing in her doorway holding her phone out as if recording us. Then she glared at me and flounced inside, again slamming the door so the whole frame rattled. I found her behaviour so aggressive and threatening. My 10 year old daughter was with me and she was clearly shocked too.
I really want some advice as this cannot continue. When we first moved in last December the smell of cannabis sometimes drifted up and filled our hallway and I never complained! I also hear music/tv etc from them. I appreciate people do their own thing in their homes and I try to manage my expectations for communal living. My flat was empty for a long period before we moved in so I gather she has become used to utter silence.
My daughter got off my bed one morning months ago and ran across the floor once at about 8am and in retaliation she went round the whole flat banging on every ceiling in a really threatening manner. My ex was home so I went down stairs and knocked on their door to try and calmly discuss but she refused to answer her door even though I could hear tv and smoothie blender going. That's just once instance. We haven't heard a peep from them in ages til this morning. I feel anxious and stressed in my own home when my children are just being children and I hate constantly telling them to be quiet, especially when they are not being noisy in the first place!
Is 101 an overreaction to maybe get someone to speak to her?

OP posts:
SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 31/10/2017 09:52

Have you raised this unreasonable behaviur via your LL ? No one should be living like you are.

Eragonsegg · 31/10/2017 10:00

Sounds horrendous! Do you have a community liaison officer in your area? I might be tempted to call 101 too.

Fuckit2017 · 31/10/2017 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blue25 · 31/10/2017 10:05

101 is an overreaction. Children running around in a flat above you is extremely irritating. I've been there.

Cheeseontoastie · 31/10/2017 10:07

Tbf and I'm not excusing her behaviour but living below someone with laminate is horrendous. Did you put it down or was it already there?

Original poster
wotabastard · 31/10/2017 10:12

I'm renting and it was already there. I'm saving up for thick rugs but the rooms are very large so I'm not sure how effective they'll be as I won't be able to cover a lot of the floor. Sad

OP posts:
Mantegnaria · 31/10/2017 10:19

Sounds like you are trying hard to be a good neighbor, but not communicating it to her. She’s behaving aggressively because you are a stranger. Her behavior is not good, but you have to think carefully and calmly about how best to change it.

Don’t let it get worse. Go and speak to her. Start from her point of view (even if you don’t agree) to get the conversation going.

Ask her how noisy it is, and what things irritate her. Let her vent a little and tell her you understand.

Tell her you are going to get rugs but can’t afford it immediately.

Then bring it round to her frightening your child. Don’t blame her, just state it as a fact. By that time, if you have done things right she will probably apologize. And it won’t happen again.

Crisis management is all about communication and defusing anger. If you can communicate with her, she may be much more forgiving and less angry.

Legally of course she has not got a leg to stand on. Your domestic noise is not unreasonable or extravagant and her reaction is over the top and unreasonable. But if you go down the legal route by involving outsiders / the police and talks Ng about your rights you will lose the opportunity to sort it out by communication and compromise.

Try that first. If it doesn’t work you may need to be more emphatic about your rights.

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 31/10/2017 10:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2017 10:22

I know this isn’t ideal, but we don’t live in an ideal world. But one of the benefits of renting, is you can move quite easily if it doesn’t suit. It’s unlikely to change so I would look to move.

Cheeseontoastie · 31/10/2017 10:24

I do think 101 is an over reaction aswell. It was shouting. My old neighbours in my flats use to harass me on a daily basis, call me names, threaten me etc. I was told by the police that it wasn't a crime. So a one of incident I doubt will be taken seriously.

cathyclown · 31/10/2017 10:24

Swop flats.....

Original poster
wotabastard · 31/10/2017 10:24

I've tried knocking on her door before and she never answers. I always smile and say 'hi' if we pass in the stairs and she glares and turns her face. Her bf is the polar opposite and I invited him in and we had a good chat about it in May. I showed him around and explained my stance and he agreed with me and he didn't find our noise a problem. He was actually wincing about it. I said to him that she frightened my toddler before when she had done the waiting til we come round the stairs then slamming her door violently in our faces before, and he apologised and said she was fiery.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 31/10/2017 10:27

If you have laminate floors and young children, her life is probably a bloody nightmare.

Doesn’t excuse aggressive behaviour of course, but people can only put up with so much.

My upstairs neughbours (rental) has stripped floorboards in an old tenement building. After 8 years of constant night and day disturbance, I’ll be selling soon.

I have sympathy for both of you but there is a reason laminate/original flooring is banned in rental properties in some areas.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2017 10:28

Nothing wrong with speaking to 101. They may send a pcso. Could you contact your ll as well? If it’s private rental perhaps they’d be willing to change it for cheap carpet. Or let you change it. You’d have to grip it down I think so it would damage the laminate. Double sided carpet tape would be ideal but I think will cause slippage. Carpet is quite possibly cheaper than rugs. Especially if your ll pays.

Cheeseontoastie · 31/10/2017 10:32

People deal with noise differently though. Maybe he didn't want to do it so was just agreeing with you to keep the peace. As someone already said laminate flooring and children really is a nighmare.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2017 10:34

I’d agree, if you can hear their tv there is significant sound proofing issues in thr building, and the laminate, especially with kids running round, is ptobably like some form of microphone into her flat.

It’s not your fault, and she’s behaving terribly. But as said, I’d look to move, relations are not going to improve. Carpet would alleviate some of the problem though, but not all.

bluebell34567 · 31/10/2017 10:34

its hard for you.
why don't you contact your LL to put carpet everywhere?

RB68 · 31/10/2017 10:35

I would def approach landlord and explain the issue and that if nothing can be sorted you may have to move, this may get them to pay for some cheap carpeting with underlay. She is being unreasonable in some ways - ie her reaction and is out of order to be shouting and screaming at or in front of children and if she is swearing or being abusive it may also be illegal. IF you don't get anywhere with landlord I would use 101, they could ask someone to go and have a word and explain the law regarding the way she behaves particularly towards children and you could actually take out an order to stop her approaching the children - but this would definitely up the anti between you. Is your landlord her landlord? Or are you able to contact her landlord about her antisocial behaviour. Noise between flats is to be expected and so long as you are not unreasonable then despite how annoying she might find it that is the way of things

Original poster
wotabastard · 31/10/2017 10:38

Thanks so much for the advice, going to get on to the letting agent today.

OP posts:
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 31/10/2017 10:40

But what is op supposed to do with the floor??

She can't afford rugs, and if her LL is anything like the ones I know, they might get round to it sometime in 2019.

And as for the move suggestion....honestly some of you on MN live on a different fucking planet!
If op can't afford rugs, she's hardly likely to be able to afford to move, with all the attendant extra costs.

Plus why should she move because her neighbour is a cunt? (and yes....anyone who goes out of their way to frighten a toddle is a cunt- no matter how noisy said toddler is, ffs)

When you live in a place with neighbours, you have to accept there will be noise.

If said neighbour can't handle it- she should fucking move to the Outer Hebridies or wherever she wants.

OP has not written anything that suggests the noise is more than daily life noise.

OP I don't know what to suggest really. Depends what your LL is like.

JaneEyre70 · 31/10/2017 10:41

I'd initially talk to your LL and mention you are worried about the noise coming from the laminate. But equally, to have someone screaming at a child like she did is completely unacceptable and I'd pop a polite note through her door saying you appreciate that the noise disturbed her but that under no circumstances is she to scream at your child like that again. If it happens again, I would report her to 101. She sounds unhinged. I also wonder if you could involve your local EH department and say you are concerned about how agitated your neighbour is getting, and they may have some sway with your LL about changing flooring.

astoundedgoat · 31/10/2017 10:43

Are you renting from the council or a private landlord? I would start logging every single instance of aggression from her with your landlord. Complain complain complain. You are supposed to have quiet enjoyment of your home, and you DON'T. You are being bullied by a neighbour and your landlord has to intervene.

Make it your landlord's problem. Make your landlord pay for carpeting or rugs if you are being harassed.

We have a noise-fixated neighbour too (not as bad as yours!) and his many (frivolous) complaints have to go through the landlord/agency - he never comes near us. On the one or two occasions when the agency has contacted me, they have accepted my response without question (one memorable complaint was that he could hear the whooshing noise of our dishwasher) and I have always brought up that we can clearly hear our neighbour's impressive television sound system well into the night, and if he wants to discuss noise, perhaps we could address that? #tumbleweed

However, as a result of our neighbour's complaints we got a brand new washing machine (the old one was ancient and very loud by anyone's standards) and sound-proof matting under the washing machine - both paid for by the landlord of course - and I believe that they're pricing up soundproofing the kitchen now too (the rest of the flat is already soundproofed).

You don't have to deal with this on your own!!

Cheeseontoastie · 31/10/2017 10:44

No it's not ok but she's probably at the end of her tether.
Laminate flooring shouldn't be allowed in upstairs flats. Not the ops fault though.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 31/10/2017 10:46

^^^^ astoundedgoat has some excellent advice there.

Ignore the idiots who think that despite living in flats/terraces there should be complete and utter silence. Hmm

ButchyRestingFace · 31/10/2017 10:46

OP has not written anything that suggests the noise is more than daily life noise

But “daily living noise” on laminate/original flooring IS excruciating for anyone living below. Unless you’ve experienced this, you can only imagine what it’s like.

That’s why this type of flooring is banned in upper flat rentals in some areas.

It’s the landlord’s fault so he/she should be the one to fix it. I wouldn’t hold my breath on that front though.