Tattoos

[DaisyRaine90]

DP doesn’t want me to get any more (I have 3 In discreet places)

I want a cuff tattoo to cover self harm scars and a Phoenix to symbolise me rising from the ashes on my back.

Would I be U to get them done anyway even though he doesn’t want me to?

And AIBU to have one in a visible place (cuff)
Would it be better to have a tattoo or self harm scars on show?

I might enter a social work or academic profession and would like to run a shop one day. Would a tattoo hold me back at all or are we in a modern era?

I already had the tattoos before we met (and the two planned which I wanted)

Do you have tattoos? Do you regret them? Has it affected your work in anyway?

Thanks 😊

[DownstairsMixUp]

On the contrary, most people don't have any.

Says who? Sorry but no one here has questioned the whole country and no one has any studies or surveys substantial enough to compare to the whole population so I do think you are talking absolute rubbish tbh.

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

Says who? Sorry but no one here has questioned the whole country and no one has any studies or surveys substantial enough to compare to the whole population so I do think you are talking absolute rubbish tbh

If you'd read the whole thread you would be more informed.

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

if someone told me they were in tears because of what I had 'done to my face' that would have more of an impact on my abilities, to be honest

Well then you should have thought of that before you stuck a hole in your face and took a job face to face with the public.
I wasn't upset. I wasn't in tears for any emotional reason, not coping, family problems, or anything else. I don't give a bugger if someone wants to punch a hole in their nose for no good reason.

My eyes water when I see people with self-inflicted holes in their faces. It's just really ugly. So as not to sound 'too' unreasonable, I wouldn't have turned a hair if it was just a neat little nose stud.
Some can look quite neat. But they still make my eyes water.

This particular one had eyebrow pins, those big earlobe discs, several nose hoops and a few in her bottom lip.. And to top it all, she was 15 years younger than my SEN daughter who she was supposed to be giving me a bit of advice about. Advice I neither asked for nor do I need.

She was the one who needed a bit of advice about how to go about things if you ask me. I was coping perfectly well 10 years before she was born.

[Ollivander84]

But your eyes watering is YOUR issue. If my face makes your eyes water, that's not my issue. My body, my choice what to do with it. You might see it as an appalling decision but again, that's your view
Judging that someone isn't "normal" or has nothing to teach you, on the basis they have a facial piercing is a bit extreme

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

But your eyes watering is YOUR issue

I've never claimed it's not. It's a reaction to holes in noses and eyebrows. I can't help it. It's out of my control. I avoid it. I have as much right to not look at holes in noses as people have the right to disfigure their faces. Fill your boots. Deal with the ensuing infections that commonly arise from piercings. Exacerbate the overuse of antibiotics. I say this as someone who comes across this regularly in my field of work.

Judging that someone isn't "normal" or has nothing to teach you, on the basis they have a facial piercing is a bit extreme

I never claimed that either. I do, however, reserve the right to doubt their common sense.

[TheHeraldOfAndraste]

And this is why it would be good to have a board for tattoos and mods. So that people with them can talk about them without having aspersions cast on their morality, common sense and socio economic background. Or that they make some people weep.

[DaisyRaine90]

Got a nose stud too so I guess I’m unemployable screwed 😂

[chillipip]

Do what YOU want to YOUR body! My ex told me he’d break up with me if I got any piercings or tattoos and I left him that day!! Never let anyone rule you. Also I have a visible tattoo on my wrist and it doesn’t affect my work one bit

[ToriaPumpkin]

I have a nose stud, rings all the way up my ears plus a double orbital and five tattoos of varying degrees of visibility, with a sixth booked for December.

I work for a very small, successful, private sector company with 12 other people. Off the top of my head four others have visible tattoos/piercings and are customer facing. We're a mix of socioeconomic backgrounds, all own our own homes and drive nice enough cars. Some of us are university educated.

I've worked in places where I was regularly asked to cover the only tiny part of one of my tattoos visible in uniform, or remove earrings. It made me feel unvalued and unappreciated, so I moved on quickly. At my current place I am regularly told how I'm appreciated, thanked for working hard and going beyond the call of duty. Because my employer is a sensible human being who sees beyond consensual modifications we have decided to partake in. I've even had leave approved in December so I can let my new tattoo heal up.

Incidentally, I know lots of teachers. Lots and lots. And I know lots of them have visible tattoos and piercings. Including my husband who is a HoD. And I know solicitors and GPs who have tattoos and piercings. And social workers, nurses, police officers, midwives, accountants, engineers, speech therapists, dentists, childminders and staff from chefs to wait staff in a Michelin starred restaurant. None of them seem to have been held back!

[DaisyRaine90]

Would it stop me working as a receptionist or temping? X

[LemonShark]

In some places yes. If you can cover it up easily you'll normally be okay, but some places may have a uniform that exposes them.

[LemonShark]

A receptionist at a law firm, yes it'd be a problem (usually not always). At a hairdressers, usually not a problem (usually not always). If you struggle for work and don't have much clout in terms of getting decent jobs you might wanna play it safe. Once you are able to set your own terms and are more desirable/sought after you have more leeway.

[Gilead]

Good grief there are some judgemental folk about.
DS1 Was a bank manager, now an HCP. Tattooed.
DS2 Has a Masters, apparently unemployable, must remember to tell employer.
Ditto Dd1.
Dd2 I guess her MSc may hold her back a bit, oh no, just judgemental twits...

[marymoosmum]

It is your body, he can't dictate what you do with it. I have a tattoo on my wrist and I work in a shop, never impacted on my job or life at all. I still love all three of my tattoos.

[DaisyRaine90]

Only while I’m at Uni and temping. Once I’m gainfully employed in my chosen end career then I think I’ll go for it x

[LemonShark]

Great idea! I earn well in a professional career and have two professions and a lot of success. It's never held me back one iota. Still wouldn't get one I couldn't cover though. Nothing below the elbows.

[DaisyRaine90]

Apparently my self harm isn’t even noticeable. I’m going to focus on My confidence about it and my counselling, and get a tattoo later if I still want one.

I’m getting the Phoenix on my back though:!

Not concerned about the money or pain, just employment and fitting in socially at prep schools etc. X

[IvorHughJars]

Can't imagine anyone would care at a university, given that some of my lecturers appeared to have dressed themselves in whatever they might have found in next doors' bin, without visible harm to their careers.

This is me Have had an absolutely shit time of it so far this semester and keep boring on to friends and family that I may jack it all in and retrain as something else. The dress code, or lack of, is one of the few remaining ticks in my academic column.

[NeganLovesLucille]

I'm a teacher and I have been asked by a head teacher in the past to cover my tattoo. It is on my leg and not at all offensive. The professional dress code stated that offensive, racist or swearing tattos should be covered, but she still wanted mine covered. When she left the new head was fine with it so I could wear skirts again in the summer.

It seems to depend on who is your manager and their opinion of tattoos. All of my others are in places that would not be on show in professional attire.

My 17 year old daughter wants her first one now. I have told her to think very carefully about what she will have and where as she wants to teach. She also has to have a job to pay for it herself!

[BalloonDinosaur]

I have facial piercings (ears and nose) and 6 tattoos, 5 if which are on my arms. I have never had any problem getting a job, my tattoos are all coverable if necessary.

Of the 5 managers at my workplace, 3 of them have tattoos that are regularly on show.

I work for the emergency services and a large percentage of the road staff have visible tattoos and there is a policy that they have to have bare forearms at work.

Those who say they would never employ people with tattoos are spectacularly short sighted IMO, but their loss as I see it.

I presume they wouldn’t refuse help from the emergency services if the responders who attended were tattooed? Given some comments on here about lack of foresight and self discipline they probably should...

Obviously I’m probably being petty (or will certainly be accused of that haha) but I think some of these comments are ridiculous.

If you don’t like them, fine, don’t get one

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

I'm quite surprised by this thread, where it has been observed by one pp that 'everybody has at least one tattoo'

Not one of my older relatives, mother, father, aunt or uncle, older cousins, friends of the family, nobody has a tattoo.
None of my own peer group, friends, relatives, brothers, sisters, or any people my own age have any tattoos. And none of my (grown up) children or their friends or their husbands or wives or significant others have any tattoos.

I must live in an alternative tattoo free universe.

But to actually answer the question from OP. There are a couple of people I've worked with whom I've admired and got on with really well, and then noticed, when the summer comes and sleeves get shorter, that they have some fading self-harm scars. One of these was the manager of the shop I work in.(He is mid thirties)

The only difference it made was that I admired him even more.
He is a lovely person, considerate towards his employees, and very good at his job. And he's obviously come from a pretty bad place to a really good place.

A tattoo up his arm wouldn't have told me that. A tattoo up his arm would have told me that he wanted to decorate his body.
I'm as old and judgemental as you like, but I'm far less judgemental about self-harm scars than I am about tattoos.

What I'm trying to say, and probably not doing it very well, is that
self-harm scars don't come as a shock to us oldies nowadays.
It's just another part of your history. Not one person of my age that I know would judge you for it. I've seen loads of people with them.

I don't know what my generation did when they became anxious or frustrated. Certainly nobody 'cut themselves' I don't know where 'cutting' came from. It just popped up in the 90s.
Or maybe it was a 'thing' in certain circles and it just got more popular in the 90s.

My own daughter has claimed to have 'cut herself' when I have forbidden her to go to a late party. Cos 'cutting yourself' is a 'big deal' And then hopefully, I will let her do as she likes.

Turns out that she dragged a pin across her arm, and had a bit of trouble drawing some blood. Didn't fool me at all. Really no blood.
Pinprick.

There's self harm, and then there's just jumping on the bandwagon.
Having scars on your arms would not make anybody think less of you. Don't have a tattoo just to hide self harm scars. Self harm scars are YOU. They show your strength. They show that you have known some bad times and that you have come through them.

I would admire you for them.

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

Just massive admiration that you can show them off without worrying what people think. Stuff 'em.
.I'd put tattoos on the back burner. I bloody hate tattoos[

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

have facial piercings (ears and nose) and 6 tattoos, 5 if which are on my arms. I have never had any problem getting a job, my tattoos are all coverable if necessary

My dd interviewed five candidates for a customer facing tech job.
There were 3 men and 2 women.

It came down to a woman who had face decoration. She was the best suited to the job. A fresh graduate with a first in maths. She was ideal. At interview, she was told that her face decoration would have to go. She agreed to take out her facial pins to look a bit normal in a customer facing situation. But then she didn't.

And then she claimed that she had a right to express herself.

But the company isn't in the business of 'her' expressing herself.
It's the business of having professional people meeting together and making some agreements. People who sport tattoos and nose rings have very little common sense. It puts serious business people right off.

If you have tattoos and nose studs and those massively ugly ear things, then you have to accept that nobody is going to take you seriously. Unless you are already very rich and you don't give a shit.
Very rich people, whom we all waent to emulate, have tattoos, botox, nose studs, all manner of unnatural interventions. Because they can.
People follow the like sheep. Make like 'that's normal'

Folks. It's not normal. What's normal, is what we all do every day.
Do our best to look after our kids as best we can.

Anybody who has children will know that no sort of any facial decoration will last for very long. Earrings and nose rings and lip rings will fall foul to a lot of pulling and tugging and investigative attention.

[pringlecat]

Our staff handbook quite clearly says tattoos aren't considered to be professional and all tattoos have to be hidden. Tattoos can hold you back - some workplaces won't accept them.

Self-harm scars are evidence of surviving mental illness, which is a protected characteristic in employment law. No one is allowed to judge you for a scar. They are allowed to judge you for a tattoo.

If you're happy to accept you are limiting future career prospects - and you will be, but you might decide the sort of places that won't have you aren't the sort of places you would want to work anyway - go for it. Just have your eyes wide open first!

FWIW, I don't like tattoos generally. But I do have respect for tattoos that actually mean something to the person who had them done. Sounds like your ink is significant to you, rather than generic.

[Jeffers3]

Please have some career guidance, you're all over the place with that. Most new shops fail so just 'getting a shop' isn't really doable.

I'm indifferent to tattoos, some I like, some I don't. I've worked in Primary schools for 10 years and can't think of a single colleague with a visible tat so I don't think it's as common as some think. Perhaps those with visible tats stand out more so they're remembered more easily?
I say get them if you want them and can afford them but go somewhere good and get a good job done.