Tattoos

[DaisyRaine90]

DP doesn’t want me to get any more (I have 3 In discreet places)

I want a cuff tattoo to cover self harm scars and a Phoenix to symbolise me rising from the ashes on my back.

Would I be U to get them done anyway even though he doesn’t want me to?

And AIBU to have one in a visible place (cuff)
Would it be better to have a tattoo or self harm scars on show?

I might enter a social work or academic profession and would like to run a shop one day. Would a tattoo hold me back at all or are we in a modern era?

I already had the tattoos before we met (and the two planned which I wanted)

Do you have tattoos? Do you regret them? Has it affected your work in anyway?

Thanks 😊

[Mustang27]

Omg I have had piercings since I was in my early teens. I qualified as a nurse then did all my financial studies to qualify as a financial advisor. I worked with people that had more money than most could imagine and never once did my nose stud get even a funny look. Regardless of that I’m sorry but piercings and tattoos do not tell of what sensibilities or iq level you have. That makes me cross that some still have that opinion or wait no ever had that opinion. It just ridiculous.

My grandfather fought in ww1/2 and had tattoos, there are people you owe your life too with these do you think less of them.

[Gilead]

People who sport tattoos and nose rings have very little common sense. Again, son was a bank manager, now an HCP. People who make this sort of comment appear to have little common sense and are overly judgemental.

Tats are ugly. I would seriously question employing someone who has one on permanent show as it shows, in my opinion, a complete lack of judgement. See above, and note that my other children with tattoos are going to be/are lecturers in the arts and science. They can be lacking in common sense, but that's generally speaking their ASCs rather than their decisions to have tattoos. Fortunately though, their really rather large brain capacity and well taught coping strategies enable them to stay away from judgemental folk who have a boring tendency to be a touch snobby about that which they have little comprehension.

[Dippydippydora]

Flouncydoves please let me know where you work so I never apply for a job there.
You would judge people and not employ someone for having a tattoo? Says more about you I think then the person with a tattoo.
You would not employ a great candidate because they had a tattoo, yet you go on about lack of judgement. Ok then

[cardibach]

Coriander a lot of what you say is judgemental nonsense, but this bit is just rubbish: Anybody who has children will know that no sort of any facial decoration will last for very long. Earrings and nose rings and lip rings will fall foul to a lot of pulling and tugging and investigative attention Are you really suggesting that nobody who is a parent can have earrings because they’ll be pulled out by their child?

[DaisyRaine90]

*LemonShark
*
Thank you for being honest 😊
I think maybe long sleeves or cover up makeup might be a better idea than a tattoo until I’m established in my career and therefore going to get work on merit > appearance
I’m going to be temping and possibly doing an internship as well as on the job training so I think DP is probably right

I had a spray tan once and you could hardly see the scars. I know sometimes it brings them out Burt mine aren’t deep. Mostly shallow razor marks and a few cigarette burns from when I was struggling with MH 7/8 years ago (before kids) x

[DaisyRaine90]

*Mustang27
*
It’s not that he doesn’t like them
He likes the ones I have and is up for me getting the one on my back but he worries that visible ones will impair my employability x

[LemonShark]

People saying you won't be discriminated against for visible self harm scars are naive. It's a nice sentiment but there are places that will discriminate. It's all very well saying 'but it's a protected characteristic so they can't!' which belies a deep lack of knowledge in the many ways one can be discriminated against covertly and within the law. If a boss finds out you're gay and slowly over time conducts lots of little microaggressions like giving promotions to someone else equally qualified, leaving you out of important meetings 'accidentally' and all sorts of things that can have an innocent explanation, that's not something anyone is going to be able to prove. I'm not saying live your life in fear of that or hide your scars, but it's deeply naive to assume everyone is enlightened and understanding and empathetic about something like self harm.

FWIW I'm a MH professional and my left forearm is heavily scarred.

[Mustang27]

Tattoos will not hold you back.

Tell your dh kindly that you hear and accept he does not like them but it is not his decision to make and for you the tattoos symbolise something very deep and personal. To stop you from getting them is to stop your continual healing from previous mh issues.

I’d say visible self harm scars will have a negative effect on you but to be able to look at your cuff and know you fought and continue to beat your demons would be inspiring for you.

[LemonShark]

PhilODox the kind with a wealthy partner or family, and no decent state schools in their area, perhaps?

[PhilODox]

What kind of social worker would send their children to "prestigious prep and boarding schools"?

[olliegarchy99]

I'm quite surprised by this thread, where it has been observed by one pp that 'everybody has at least one tattoo'

Not one of my older relatives, mother, father, aunt or uncle, older cousins, friends of the family, nobody has a tattoo.
None of my own peer group, friends, relatives, brothers, sisters, or any people my own age have any tattoos. And none of my (grown up) children or their friends or their husbands or wives or significant others have any tattoos.

I must live in an alternative tattoo free universe.

^^ This
I must live in the same universe.

[FlouncyDoves]

Tats are ugly. I would seriously question employing someone who has one on permanent show as it shows, in my opinion, a complete lack of judgement.

[Dippydippydora]

People with tats not people with tarts

[Dippydippydora]

I know a brain surgeon who is covered with tats, he is one of the best in the country. Wonder how many of you judging people and saying people with tarts have no common sense would refuse to have him operate on you?.
Also would rather been seen to have no common sense then a judgmental arse

[Dippydippydora]

I have a tattoo and since I got it it has been great to identify aresholes
I have no issue with people who don't like tattoos but keep it to themselves but those who have a go at you for it and use tramp, common, chav and judge people because of them are not the kind of people I would want to be around.
I also would not want to work for someone who judges people on tattoos or pearcings so it's been quite useful

[BalloonDinosaur]

@Coriandertasteslikesoap

People who sport tattoos and nose rings have very little common sense

Hmm. I wonder if you’d tell that to emergency services responders/police/fire/ambulance or doctors/nurses/midwives etc if you ever have the misfortune to need their help?

If you have tattoos and nose studs and those massively ugly ear things, then you have to accept that nobody is going to take you seriously.

Thanks for your input but that has absolutely not been my experience.

And I made no mention of ‘massive ugly ear things’ as you so delicately put it. I occasionally wear studs in my ears and a small one in my nose.

My tattoos are easily (but not always covered) as my workplace, colleagues managers etc are thankfully nowhere near as judgemental as you.

[LemonShark]

Bit harsh speakout. Sounds like most of us before we figure out our paths doesn't it? I said similar in my early twenties and surprise surprise did enter SW/MH field and as I'm only 29 could still easily jack it in and open a shop in a decade or two! At least she has ambitions, though I agree it'd serve her well to start thinking about how to get there.

[speakout]

I might enter a social work or academic profession and would like to run a shop one day.

I admire your cohesive strategy.

[Jeffers3]

Please have some career guidance, you're all over the place with that. Most new shops fail so just 'getting a shop' isn't really doable.

I'm indifferent to tattoos, some I like, some I don't. I've worked in Primary schools for 10 years and can't think of a single colleague with a visible tat so I don't think it's as common as some think. Perhaps those with visible tats stand out more so they're remembered more easily?
I say get them if you want them and can afford them but go somewhere good and get a good job done.

[pringlecat]

Our staff handbook quite clearly says tattoos aren't considered to be professional and all tattoos have to be hidden. Tattoos can hold you back - some workplaces won't accept them.

Self-harm scars are evidence of surviving mental illness, which is a protected characteristic in employment law. No one is allowed to judge you for a scar. They are allowed to judge you for a tattoo.

If you're happy to accept you are limiting future career prospects - and you will be, but you might decide the sort of places that won't have you aren't the sort of places you would want to work anyway - go for it. Just have your eyes wide open first!

FWIW, I don't like tattoos generally. But I do have respect for tattoos that actually mean something to the person who had them done. Sounds like your ink is significant to you, rather than generic.

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

have facial piercings (ears and nose) and 6 tattoos, 5 if which are on my arms. I have never had any problem getting a job, my tattoos are all coverable if necessary

My dd interviewed five candidates for a customer facing tech job.
There were 3 men and 2 women.

It came down to a woman who had face decoration. She was the best suited to the job. A fresh graduate with a first in maths. She was ideal. At interview, she was told that her face decoration would have to go. She agreed to take out her facial pins to look a bit normal in a customer facing situation. But then she didn't.

And then she claimed that she had a right to express herself.

But the company isn't in the business of 'her' expressing herself.
It's the business of having professional people meeting together and making some agreements. People who sport tattoos and nose rings have very little common sense. It puts serious business people right off.

If you have tattoos and nose studs and those massively ugly ear things, then you have to accept that nobody is going to take you seriously. Unless you are already very rich and you don't give a shit.
Very rich people, whom we all waent to emulate, have tattoos, botox, nose studs, all manner of unnatural interventions. Because they can.
People follow the like sheep. Make like 'that's normal'

Folks. It's not normal. What's normal, is what we all do every day.
Do our best to look after our kids as best we can.

Anybody who has children will know that no sort of any facial decoration will last for very long. Earrings and nose rings and lip rings will fall foul to a lot of pulling and tugging and investigative attention.

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

Just massive admiration that you can show them off without worrying what people think. Stuff 'em.
.I'd put tattoos on the back burner. I bloody hate tattoos[

[Coriandertasteslikesoap]

I'm quite surprised by this thread, where it has been observed by one pp that 'everybody has at least one tattoo'

Not one of my older relatives, mother, father, aunt or uncle, older cousins, friends of the family, nobody has a tattoo.
None of my own peer group, friends, relatives, brothers, sisters, or any people my own age have any tattoos. And none of my (grown up) children or their friends or their husbands or wives or significant others have any tattoos.

I must live in an alternative tattoo free universe.

But to actually answer the question from OP. There are a couple of people I've worked with whom I've admired and got on with really well, and then noticed, when the summer comes and sleeves get shorter, that they have some fading self-harm scars. One of these was the manager of the shop I work in.(He is mid thirties)

The only difference it made was that I admired him even more.
He is a lovely person, considerate towards his employees, and very good at his job. And he's obviously come from a pretty bad place to a really good place.

A tattoo up his arm wouldn't have told me that. A tattoo up his arm would have told me that he wanted to decorate his body.
I'm as old and judgemental as you like, but I'm far less judgemental about self-harm scars than I am about tattoos.

What I'm trying to say, and probably not doing it very well, is that
self-harm scars don't come as a shock to us oldies nowadays.
It's just another part of your history. Not one person of my age that I know would judge you for it. I've seen loads of people with them.

I don't know what my generation did when they became anxious or frustrated. Certainly nobody 'cut themselves' I don't know where 'cutting' came from. It just popped up in the 90s.
Or maybe it was a 'thing' in certain circles and it just got more popular in the 90s.

My own daughter has claimed to have 'cut herself' when I have forbidden her to go to a late party. Cos 'cutting yourself' is a 'big deal' And then hopefully, I will let her do as she likes.

Turns out that she dragged a pin across her arm, and had a bit of trouble drawing some blood. Didn't fool me at all. Really no blood.
Pinprick.

There's self harm, and then there's just jumping on the bandwagon.
Having scars on your arms would not make anybody think less of you. Don't have a tattoo just to hide self harm scars. Self harm scars are YOU. They show your strength. They show that you have known some bad times and that you have come through them.

I would admire you for them.

[BalloonDinosaur]

I have facial piercings (ears and nose) and 6 tattoos, 5 if which are on my arms. I have never had any problem getting a job, my tattoos are all coverable if necessary.

Of the 5 managers at my workplace, 3 of them have tattoos that are regularly on show.

I work for the emergency services and a large percentage of the road staff have visible tattoos and there is a policy that they have to have bare forearms at work.

Those who say they would never employ people with tattoos are spectacularly short sighted IMO, but their loss as I see it.

I presume they wouldn’t refuse help from the emergency services if the responders who attended were tattooed? Given some comments on here about lack of foresight and self discipline they probably should...

Obviously I’m probably being petty (or will certainly be accused of that haha) but I think some of these comments are ridiculous.

If you don’t like them, fine, don’t get one

[NeganLovesLucille]

I'm a teacher and I have been asked by a head teacher in the past to cover my tattoo. It is on my leg and not at all offensive. The professional dress code stated that offensive, racist or swearing tattos should be covered, but she still wanted mine covered. When she left the new head was fine with it so I could wear skirts again in the summer.

It seems to depend on who is your manager and their opinion of tattoos. All of my others are in places that would not be on show in professional attire.

My 17 year old daughter wants her first one now. I have told her to think very carefully about what she will have and where as she wants to teach. She also has to have a job to pay for it herself!