To ask what small things I can do to make myself happier?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I've had a bad time with depression and relationship break ups. Always the dumpee for some reason.

I'm a single parent to 3 dc but my youngest is nearly 8, so I'm starting to get a bit of time to myself. I'm anaemic and constantly exhausted and often don't feel like doing much.

I need a kick up the bum. I'm not going to feel any better if I keep wallowing.

What small or big things might help me to feel happier?

My cat is currently making me happy, purring away while nestled in the crook of my arm.

I think I'd quite like to do something completely decadent and self indulgent.

A visit to the library, something nice to eat when I get home and settle down with a new book. Nothing better really for me and it always makes me happy. Cuddling new grandchild is also good but doesn't sound like you are at that stage yet.

Go for a walk somewhere beautiful

I agree with Cpasta go to your local contraception clinic (google to find your nearest) explain about the heavy painful periods and discuss changing from the implant to a mirena coil (not just a contraceptive but a treatment for heavy painful periods) honestly life changing!

Glad you’ve had a nice day.

Do be careful at the gym. Don’t do anything too strenuous while your iron is so low, you will feel dreadful.
It’s the reason I went to the dr, I joined the gym and tried to do things like the bike and tread mill. I felt dreadful and thought I was just unfit. One day I was on the treadmill next to a very infirm man who was around 80. He was going faster than me. Went to the Dr and found out my ferritin was 12. The Dr told me to stop the gym until my ferritin had been retested in 2 months time.

Do they have gentle things like yoga or Pilates at the gym? (Or a lovely coffee bar to relax in)

I think they have yoga classes and things. They have a pool as well, so I could go for a nice swim.

Lovely, sounds fab!

Spa time iron supplement worked wonders for me

If you haven’t read them yet, use your spare week to devour the Neapolitan quartet by elena ferrante. Unputdownable!!
Another novel sequence I like, totally different in character, is the cazalet chronicles by Elizabeth Jane Howard.

Brilliant, I do love a good book and I've not been reading as much due to depression.
My kids had a dance show last night that was good fun and we went out for a lovely dinner today.

Only thing better than a good book is a good book knowing there’s another three is the series to look forward to!

Hi op do you have support with your dc other than your DH - working and 3 kids to manage sounds pretty full on to me - are you still suffering with depression do you take ads for this - I agree iron levels will be a significant factor _ is there anything else stressing you out that you haven't mentioned.

All on here will be good to help your mood - what did you use to enjoy before you had kids - after my marriage breakup I sat down and really thought about what I used to do - mine was dancing - I joined a salsa class - gave me several hits in one - learning something new, meeting new people, exercise and above all it was fun - used to laugh a lot -

What do you do with your night /we off from kids - do you make this completely self indulgent or do you try & catch up on house stuff- do you have any close mum friends who could have kids back one night a week to give you a bit more time - even just an hour for a class

I suffer with depression and my mainstay has been yoga - you have to focus completely on yourself, learn to know your body and it involves 10 mins of relaxation and meditation which helps you work from the inside out.

All these things on here will give your mood a boost but for me yoga has been the one thing I really commit too and it helps you work from the inside out

Also 3 things to be grateful for each day and they have to be different things_ when you realise how much you have that is good in your life it helps you to not dwell on the not so good -which depression wants you to do -

Just something completely random here - that you could do with your kids - maybe for next year - how about growing some vegetables!

ExH has them every other weekend. And a weeknight on the week he doesn't have them. The problem is that going out makes me more tired, so I often just want to watch Netflix on my own. I don't have a lot of other support really, so it is pretty full on.
I take anti depressants which help a bit, I think.
I wish I had some close mum friends nearby. My mum has said she'll have them while I go to a creative writing class, though she's not the most reliable.
The gym have play equipment and computers for the dc, so although expensive, I thought it could be an option.

Listening to your favourite music and singing along to it is very uplifting!

I try to do this every weekend when I am cooking .... Such fun.

Hi op just got back to this - maybe another trip to your gp - you need to get your iron levels sorted first although I understand this can take a few months?. I'm not sure on this.

There have been some good suggestions on here but if you are not ready for them they will just feed your depression. The clocks have just changed we are going into winter I know I just want to hibernate - as soon as it gets dark I want to get into bed - but there is nothing wrong with this it is how I am - when the suns out I am completely different.

Going out may just put added pressure on you _ go with what you feel you want to do - i.e. Watch Netflix - but make this a treat - get some nice candles, some hot chocolate, some cosy pjs and look at it as self care, self love, indulging in what your body is telling you right now.

I heard about a series 2 starting yesterday on something that caught my interest so I'm going to be doing exactly the same. If you can get outside during your day especially when we have bright sunshine this will help.

Put all the other ideas on hold for when you feel like it _ maybe in spring.

Without wishing to pry is there any possibility of the contact arrangements being amended so you x has them a bit more - also take advantage of your mum whilst she's offering - the class sounds good for you - and put it in your mind that you will get to the ones you can - sometimes we just can't commit to it all but some is better than none!

I think sometimes with depression we have to adjust the way WE look at things not try and fit in with how everyone else sees things. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves - the gratitude 3 things would help - maybe you could incorporate this into your writing.

I need to take on board some of what I am saying here too - you need to give yourself a pat on the back your are coping with a lot x

Thanks so much. I had a big setback actually. Last night at half ten I got a long text from someone I thought was a friend, basically saying that depression had made me self centred and that she was bowing out of our friendship. I had confided in her about self harm and how I was feeling a few weeks earlier, though we didn't talk everyday and I didn't think I had made myself a burden. I ended up in floods of tears and have slept maybe three hours all night

She sounds like a complete twat

Goodness me, she sounds dreadful! How horrible if her to “bow out” when you are feeling so low. She’s not a friend at all!

Don't blame yourself for her self-centred behaviour OP. She sounds horrible and doesn't deserve to be your friend.

I am hurt. She mentioned two online friends that I don't talk to anymore and basically said they thought I was self centred as well. It felt like playground bullying.
I'm going to look for something I can do on a voluntary basis to give something back. I want to prove that I am a good person.

Today I've been to the hygienist and had my teeth whitened which should help my mood.

I am sorry to hear that. It does sound like very bullying behaviour. Some people don’t deal well with others who are suffering, but rather than admit that, they turn it round and make out it’s the others fault.
You don’t need that sort of immaturity in your life. Better off without.

Thanks karlos. I do feel hurt but there's nothing I can do. There are a lot of people who aren't comfortable with depression

It’s not uncommon sadly for the flakier element to let people down when they’re going through tough times. Went through similar when ds was diagnosed with asd. Easier to blank me than endure the discomfort of talking about it.

Listen to this podcast with a cup of tea.
Then resist the urge to get rid of all your posessions...

www.theminimalists.com/p067/