To ask you...

[cheerupmaggie]

If you’re with ‘The one’, how do you know?

I know I need to get out but I don’t know where to start. My partner doesn’t think we have any problems at all (apart from the fact that I rarely want sex)

He’s just looked over at me and smiled. He has no idea how I feel.

When he’s happy it’s great. But if he’s in a mood we all know about it and he brings us all down with him.

And just like that he’s in a mood because I ‘don’t look happy’

I don't think he is the one for you. That is all you need to think. You don't need to stay with this fuckwit in case he is the one. He is most definitely not.
Yes you'll miss him
Yes, it may be tough at first
But you'll get over it and end up much happier and maybe meet the right one for you and your children

Ltb

Your relationship sounds awful, sorry.

I'm not a hearts and flowers type, and am not overly romantic. But I knew within a week that DH and I were going to be together, because I just couldn't envisage us breaking up. We only married 8 yrs ago (18 months after getting together) and are very happy. Again, we are not the overly romantic type but he is my best friend, and one of the best people I know. I trust and feel.safe with him, and respect him.and his opinions. He's a fabulous husband and father. The one? Depends what you think that is tbh.

The fact that he treats the children differently is enough to know that you need to move on without anything else being said . Please do not allow your first child to grow up in this environment, it's no fair and they are your priority .

I feel drained from the constant mood swings and how volatile everything is. It’s not like it’s every few weeks or days. It’s every single god damn day. Im so fed up. I don’t feel like m anymore.

I feel like I’m waiting for him to do something to majorly fuck everything up which would warrant me ending things which I know in itself is wrong.

@rightknockered I wish I could see that things will be ok but at the moment I just can’t see past the upset it will cause for everyone to start with.

So he got out of his mood because I looked unhappy and is now back in one and has walked out of the house because he went to kiss me and I gave him my cheek (I was busy cooking tea)

No idea why I’m telling you all. I’m hoping I can read through and see how wrong this all is.

He just said my eldest is stupid

OP, you know you’re not happy. I suspect your eldest isn’t happy either. Isn’t that reason enough to start the process of leaving?

What RL support have you got? Do you have parents or a close friend? If so, take the kids and tell them EVERYTHING. they'll help you make a plan to leave.

Don't put wooly notions of love above your child's need for a secure home.

I want to leave. I have no family nearby and no friends to turn to. The only people I have are his family really. I feel like I’m going mad because of how volatile it is as it happened numerous times on a daily basis.

*happens

Give womens aid a call. They will help you.

That's part of the abuse, it really fucks your head up. When he's "nice" it doesn't mean he has the potential to always be like that. Abusive twats ramp their behaviour up and up.

I'm in a bit of a similar situation OP. Feel like I want him to really fuck up so I have a good reason to leave. It's not a good way to be. Feel like I'm living in limbo. I think he is starting to sense that I'm detached, but he's sticking his head in the sand. I know it's only a matter of time now. And there will be a big shitstorm immediately after. But ultimately in the long run I want to be happy, I want my freedom and I want my DDs to know that you don't stay with someone that doesn't deserve you. It's hard though.

I knew exDH wasn’t the one as I just knew I wasn’t going to grow old with him, no matter how desperate I was for it to work. I remember thinking, if he had an affair I would have a reason to leave. We weren’t unhappy on the surface.
After he did have an affair 4 years later it struck me that I had never come first for him. His mum, his friends, his work. Something or someone else was always the priority at any given moment; while he loved me, he just didn’t love me enough. Sad really.
Anyhow, 15 years on and even though I have never had another relationship (my choice!) I know that it is far far better to be on your own than with someone who can’t put you and your happiness first.
You are tougher than you think, and I say this with kindness: do the right thing and put your children first.

It is so hard.

But I promise you it's harder to stay.

I left 3 years ago. It was a tiny tiny tiny thing that made me stop and I thought NO, you don't tell me what to do.

DS and I are so happy and I've been seeing new DP for 2 years. Our new life is the opposite to our old life.

They do a number on you so you think you can't live without them - you can. There's a lady on here who just passed her text at the age of 57 and leaving an abusive marriage. What an achievement.

You've posted before about him favouring his own child haven't you? If so: you need to get out now. If not for yourself then at least for your eldest. I can promise you that staying will fuck. him. up, if it hasn't already. Once he flies the nest he might very well choose to cut you off. What you are doing is unforgivable.

I know it's hard. But you have to leave.

Yes I’ve posted previously under a different username. He’s been off work for 4 days so I notice it more when we spend a lot of time together as a family. Weekends are awful and every time we go away (or when we spend a lot of time together over Christmas, Easter etc) I feel like this. I’m happier when he isn’t around to be honest.