Giving money to your parents for expenses

[summerbreeze15]

I sat down last night to go through me and DH accounts to see how we are with Christmas coming. We don't have a lot of disposable income due to me been on maternity at the moment so I have to budget carefully. Each month I've noticed a small sum of money transferred over to my mils account. I questioned DH on this and he told me he pays some money towards her bills. I can understand him doing this when we have a little extra cash but we don't really. Every week mil gets hair done in a salon goes out three/four times for dinner/drinks takes 3 holidays a year which I do not begrudge but it feels to me that she doesn't need us to be paying her bills for her if she can afford to live the lifestyle she currently is. I'm just wondering if IABU or for the sake of £20 say nothing.

That's weird.

Id be peeved he never said anything and start transferring £40 a month to my beauty salon.

I would ask him to stop, it's not a good precedent to set when you think how long this could go on for (ie the rest of her life, which presumably will run in to thousands of pounds).

It's still £240 a year which if nothing else could be put in a savings account for dc.

Your mil obviously has a nice lifestyle, I don't know any working people who have their hair done weekly, have dinner out 3 x a week as well as 3 holidays. so as pp have said she shouldn't be accepting it, unless as pp said your dh hasn't been straight with you and he's actually repaying a loan.

Not many grandparents in her situation would argue with your dh saying to her that the money is better spent on xyz for her grandchild, even if it's a savings fund for educational stuff in the future.

Oh do you have my mil who never puts her hand in her pocket if she can help it. Goes under the guise of being a bit dotty and forgetful but isn’t.

If it’s £20 a month or even a week why are you prepared to upset your partner over such a small sum.

It's quite normal in Asian cultures to do this - is your husband Asian by any chance? Me and my siblings do this, and my parents did it for they parents etc so I don't see a problem with it - but I grew up with that being the norm so I can see how other would think it's a little odd. Maybe have a word with dh to say you really can't spare the money? My mum always tells me if I can't afford to give her money then I don't have to.

Sounds like he owes her money.

Doesnt make sense at all otherwise the amount is way too low for it to be help with bills based on her lifestyle

It is not unreasonable for him to give his mother money. It's actually lovely. It is unreasonable for her to accept it if she doesn't need it.

I also think your DH is repaying a debt and not being straight with you. Nothing else makes sense

20 a week or 20 a month.

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. 20 is nappies for a month.