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Original poster

Sex and new relationship

58 replies

thedarkprincess · 27/10/2017 06:24

I’ve been with my new boyfriend for nearly two months. It’s my first relationship after my marriage ended several years ago and he’s really lovely and special.

However we haven’t had sex yet. We’ve slept together and done other things and so there’s no doubt we fancy each other - but no actual sex. He doesn’t seem in a rush and says we can take our time and o agree with that, but there’s still a part of me that thinks at the start of a relationship we should be at it like rabbits?
But then the last time I was at the start of a relationship I was 21 and now I’m 44.
We both work long hours and he’s got children who he sees a couple of nights a week. So we see each other once a week.
Is it normal to wait like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
thedarkprincess · 27/10/2017 11:41

Lol. I didn’t have sex for the last three years of my marriage. Going without isn’t a problem for me.
He’s definitely not married and lives alone - like I do. We’ve been to each other’s houses. That’s partly way we have slept together o think as he lives the other side of the county to me and so if we want to spend a decent amount of time together it’s the sensible thing.

I’m not sure that posting on here was as useful as I thought it would be to be honest. I’m now starting to doubt our relationship when before I was just vaguely wondering if we were normal.

I slept with my exh on the first date so that’s what I was comparing it to. It feels different being with someone new in my mid 40’s, but my last experience of this situation is when I was very young and stupid and thought that sex equalled love.

OP posts:
haveagobletofblood · 27/10/2017 11:47

Sounds like he's lacking in confidence for some reason. You're going to have to go for it sometime and find out if there's a problem.

sailorcherries · 27/10/2017 12:18

Or he doesn't want to rush.

A women who doesn't have sex until the 7th+ date isn't tagged as being unusual, not interested, not a

sailorcherries · 27/10/2017 12:19

Or he doesn't want to rush.

A women who doesn't have sex until the 7th+ date isn't tagged as being unusual, not interested, not compatible, married or performance issues.

It isn't unusual to find a man who is the same.

Original poster
thedarkprincess · 27/10/2017 12:30

Thanks sailors! From some of the other responses I was beginning to think that I should end it.
From the err, activities we’ve done so far I don’t think he’s nervous!

OP posts:
GoingCrazy21 · 27/10/2017 12:36

You've only been together 2 months! In my personal opinion you're worrying without needing to.

I personally wouldn't be ready after two months of seeing each other once a week. Maybe if we saw each other more often, but not once a week.

I say take each date as it comes and when it happens it will happen naturally.

Original poster
thedarkprincess · 27/10/2017 12:44

Thanks going.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 27/10/2017 14:26

I agree with going and sailor - I don't think this is unusual at all. Plus the anticipation is fun!

sunandmoonshine · 27/10/2017 14:41

How old is he princess? Smile

messyjessy17 · 27/10/2017 14:41

You've been together 6 weeks but only meet once a week....so that is 6 dates?
It's hardly waiting for ever is it?

Original poster
thedarkprincess · 27/10/2017 14:44

There have been some weeks where we’ve met another night as well so probably about 10 dates as such. He’s 48.

OP posts:
Original poster
thedarkprincess · 27/10/2017 14:46

And we meet through OLD so was talking for about a month before we met. Think that’s why it feels longer.
That and the fact we just get on so well it feels I’ve known him forever. The only sticking point is the sex. But then it might just be me comparing him to my ex and this stereotype of men wanting to have it all the time

OP posts:
sunandmoonshine · 27/10/2017 14:48

Yeah I thought the same. Some people are like sex mad rabbits (not saying you are OP!) And I have heard people say (even on here,) that if their new man didn't try and shag them within the first 3 or 4 dates, they'd assume they didn't fancy them, or they were gay! Confused

Call me old fashioned, but there's more to a relationship than shagging! Grin

And I hate to say this and I don't mean it to be rude, but I think over 40's may tend to not just jump in and shag?

I wouldn't worry too much at the moment. You've not been together long.

(Can you initiate sex by the way?)

Hope you will both be happy. Smile

Holdtightdontletgo · 27/10/2017 14:54

It's not so much the amount of time you have been with him that would be the issue for me, more that you are spending the whole night together in the same bed and still not having sex. That sounds unusual to me. You have lots of opportunity.

HerOtherHalf · 27/10/2017 15:00

Is it normal? There isn't really any such thing as normal. Well, actually, normal in today's OLD world appears to be for a man to date a woman, convince her he's looking for a serious LTR then dump her once they have sex.

It's anyone's guess why your BF isn't taking it faster but I wouldn't be concerned at this stage, it's not been that long. Maybe he is genuinely looking for a life partner and doesn't want to have slept with a dozen different women before he finally finds "the one". Maybe he's trying to prove to you that he isn't just after one thing.

ElephantsandTigers · 27/10/2017 15:20

How sad that some people think there's something wrong with him, or you're not compatible because you haven't had PIV sex yet. Some men like to wait for numerous reasons. I can suggest some if you'd like but I suggest you carry on as you are. You both seem happy. Ask yourself why you've been bothered enough by this to start a thread and see whether it is a genuine reason. But relax.

lalalalyra · 27/10/2017 15:26

I don't think it's that long. Especially when you say the staying over/sharing a bed has partly been because of locations. So if you lived 5 minutes from each other you might not have shared a bed yet.

Sounds like he's just not pushy or rushing to me and that's no bad thing.

Talk to him. If you can't talk to him about it then you have bigger problems than sex.

sizenines · 27/10/2017 15:46

Sexual compatibility is really important in a relationship IME which is quite extensive Smile

The fact that you are wondering if things are alright and that he may not fancy you enough to want sex is a red flag, let's be honest.

If he is happy just cuddling then it may be that things change, or it may be that it's the way he wants things and my feelings it's the latter. For your typical man sex is sex and if the switch is off you should get the message.

Right now you are not to far in to a relationship and it's going to be easier to end it than further along the line where you could be facing the agony of a sexless relationship against your wishes which is a living hell.

sizenines · 27/10/2017 15:48

I think over 40's may tend to not just jump in and shag?

Oh what a sheltered life you have led sunandmoonshine Grin

Gottagetmoving · 27/10/2017 15:53

We have spoken and there is an assumption that it will happen but isn’t something he’s stressed about. However I can’t help but compare it to when I first met my exh

Well that's lovely for him but what about you? It IS bothering you, so tell him!
Tell him how you feel and that you are worried.

Itsonkyme · 27/10/2017 16:02

thedarkprincess
I wouldn't worry at all about PiV sex, it's very early days between you two.
He sounds really nice. If you don't want him, hand him over to me.Grin

Birdsgottafly · 27/10/2017 16:17

I' a bit older than you and I've met men around my age who would rather do what you two are doing than have to wear a condom.

Tbh, I find it better than a man who thinks sex starts and ends with PIV.

Anything that doesn't suit you (or him) needs to be discussed, so speak to him. Some men only get ED when they are having full sex, so that still could be the case.

BoobleMcB · 27/10/2017 17:59

Still don't understand why you don't initiate it if that's what you want...

BoobleMcB · 27/10/2017 18:00

Plus to be totally frank and crude, if you've had it in your mouth...

Original poster
thedarkprincess · 27/10/2017 19:57

Yes. I’ve done that !! He’s coming over tomorrow actually and we’re going to have a nice chilled afternoon and evening and then go to bed and whatever happens happens.

To g honest I started this thread because I was worried there was something wrong but I realise I would rather this relationship with no sex (or no piv) than a relationship with someone else where the sex is good but everything else is wrong.

OP posts:
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