To show you all the unbelievable mess I just made :(

[Rebeccaslicker]

Tried to open the shower screen door to let out DD's bathwater and the whole bloody thing shattered - this is halfway through the clearing up!! I'm daunted.

Tell me about times you've made a huge mess so I can feel better whilst I sweep and poor DH goes through the toilet water with a sieve please!

Also - I spilled a small tin of blue gloss paint on my bedroom floor when I was 18. Ruined the horrible 15 year old moss green carpet. Mum used to point it out to people when I was in earshot.

My worst was one of those big glass bottles of passata. I was about to use it in the meal I was making, left it too close to the edge of the counter and knocked it off whilst reaching for something else. It was like a big tomato bomb going off in my kitchen.

It went everywhere, I had to bin my slippers as they were swimming in sieved tomatoes and glass. I kept finding little splodges of it for weeks afterwards.

My dad... he'd just poured an after-dinner glass of red wine, carefully carried it over to his armchair, put it on the side table, sat down and reached out to pick it up... he knocked it with his hand, grabbed to catch it and just managed to clip it with his finger, sending the whole glassful in an arc that started at his ankles, went right up him, over the cream lampshade /walls / ceiling behind him. He was still finding small purples splashes several months later.

I can believe the placenta mess!

My biggest mess was probably giving birth to DS2. I only went for a shit, but out he popped and then my waters broke, spattering the entire bathroom.

Did you at least know you were pregnant, PickAChew? It would have been one hell of a shock if not!

Don't envy you OP, Dh nudged our wall-mounted fireplace accidently and it dropped and smashed all over the place, was finding random bits of glass for weeks after

Um yeah, I was a couple of days over. I'd only had a few random contractions!

We live in a small cottage with an absolutely tiny kitchen. I am also unbelievably clumsy. A couple of weeks ago, our Tesco delivery arrived and DH and I unloaded it. There isn't room to put all the bags in the kitchen and unpack them, so we plonked them in the carpeted dining room while unpacking one bag at a time. Unfortunately, there was one bag I hadn't noticed and I tripped over it. As I steadied myself, my foot stomped on top of another bag, which contained a litre carton of soya milk. The bloody thing burst, and our (mercifully old) carpet got covered in a whole litre of the stuff. It took ages to clean it up. Maybe I can use it as an excuse to get a new carpet.

I once dropped a chicken tikka masala taking it out of the microwave. It may not sound much but I'm still finding bits of it years later.

I was ambitiously attempting to make a piñata cake by covering a large balloon with melted chocolate. The balloon burst covering me, the entire kitchen including ceiling and a somewhat startled cat with molten chocolate. 4 years on I can still see the evidence.

Not me, but a friend, opened the ring-pull on a tin of cat food that must have had a small hole in it already from an existing dent that she hadn't seen. The tin immediately exploded and my friend, the kitchen surfaces and the kitchen ceiling were covered in rancid cat food (which doesn't smell that great even when 'fresh').

I dropped a lasagna in a pyrex dish when taking it out of the oven. Smashed instantly, shards of glass everywhere coated in lasagna goo to make the clean up even harder.

I had sweated over that dinner as well, we ended up going to the chippy instead

Guys some of these are killing me!

Put 3 eggs on to boil
Went to answer phone, got chatting,
For a good solid 30-40mins heard some banging popping noises, went back into kitchen to investigate, pan has boiled dry and burned freakin eggs had exploded!
Smell was horrific, pan had to be thrown away, you would not believe how far 3 exploded boiled eggs can go!
Luckily I live alone so had no one to rib me about it.

A few months later my mate did the same thing, similar circumstances and didn't tell his mom, days went by and she said to him is that egg on my ceiling !

Good grief, I had a bouncing glass of red wine which necessitated a repaint of our rented kitchen so we'd get our deposit back, but it just sounds so tame in comparison to placentas etc

I remember making jam once in a fit of domesticity

Phone rang, answered it, it was my mum. 45 minutes later I suddenly remembered the jam. It was like a volcano had erupted in the kitchen. Hot, sticky jam boiled over the pan, all over the hob, the work top, oven door and the floor. Took hours to clear up

DH dropped a bottle of wine onto our ceramic tile floor tonight. Which the baby has joyfully just learned to start crawling on. Two hours later and I could really use that effing wine!

My old boyfriend bought himself a new Audi TT 3.2l car which he LOVED. He was very precious about it keeping it immaculate.

One day he bought a huge bag of bean bag balls to refill his bean bag. I Sat on the passenger seat with the bag and made lots of jokes about the tiny balls spilling in his car which completely wound him up. We parked, I lifted the bag off my knee and the buckle of my handbag caught the plastic bag, ripped a hole and all of the balls poured out. The balls seem to pour out in slow motion. He was horrified, I was laughing my head off. Took him hours to calm down.

We have got French doors and a Juliet balcony in our bedroom

I woke up in the middle of the night to a loud bang and then gentle tinkling noise
When I opened the curtains in the morning, one of the lanes of glass had shattered completely
Luckily it was double glazed and only the outside pane was shattered so nothing on our (carpeted) bedroom floor.

So what did I do?
Opened the doors (inwards) to take a closer look obviously, at which point a pile of glass about the same size as in your OP dumped itself all over the bedroom floor

It was touch and go whether we would have to replace the entire carpet because the shards were so tiny and sharp

Dropped can of paint.
Up high ladder.
Over the car.

Sorry but I can’t tear my eyes away from your loo seat IT’S UP! 😲

I dropped a whole bottle of red nail varnish on my white shiny tiled floor. It splashed everywhere and it took a lot of remover to get it out of the grout.

I have eczema and greying hair.

The landlord has used cheap matt paint in the bathroom.

There are little spots of dye and oil on the walls. Not a major disaster, you may think.

However, as I can't find the specific shade of magnolia the painter used and there are no part used pots of paint left behind, I have to paint the entire bathroom!

Nice bathroom, btw.

Dd27 was cleaning her bedroom when she shouted me urgently, I ran upstairs thinking it was going to be a really big spider. She had picked my mums ashes up (she like them there, while we all get together to sprinkle her) and the plastic urn had just dissolved in her hands. We managed to collect them all and ended up ringing the undertakers, who came and droped another urn off.

Haha I have already explained the toilet seat - it's only up because we were halfway through cleaning it after the disaster. It's normally firmly down. DH knows better than that!!

Some of these sound far worse than my issues tonight. Pesto and placentas...

This is a gross one, but on holiday my toddler developed diarrhea in the night, removed his nappy, shat in the bed next to me, climbed over me (leaving shit all over me and my hair and the mosquito net) and toddled out of the bedroom (at this point I woke up to see his bare phooey bottom disapppearing in the direction of the living room) followed him to find him doing what I can only describe as a shitting tour of the living room and kitchen. I had to coral him in the bathroom and hose both of us down before figuring out how to deal with the rest of the apartment. On the one hand poor little mite. On the other.... aaaargh