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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to move into a place that suits US not my FIL?

33 replies

marieg76 · 13/04/2007 12:18

We have sold our house and as our buyers want us out ASAP, we haven't found anywhere to buy yet. We have found a 2 bed flat that looks perfect - right location etc. As we are expecting DC in October, it will be our last chance at having a posh flat so we're quite excited about it.

FIL has a dog that normally stays with us when he is up in our neck of the woods. SIL is getting married in June and as we want to be in a flat, we have said to FIL that it's best that the dog goes into kennels this time as we won't have a garden for him to be in. FIL is now refusing to come to the wedding as he doesn't want to put the dog into kennels. Nothing wrong with the dog at all.

We feel that we're being backed into a corner and being forced to move into a place that we don't want to be in order to accommodate FIL's needs this one time! DH's sisters don't like pets so won't want dog staying with them (we always have to deal with it).

OP posts:
MintChocChippyMinton · 13/04/2007 12:30

Not unreasonable, not your dog, not your problem. Why won't he put the dog in kennels? Is there anyone else who could have dog during the wedding?

nailpolish · 13/04/2007 12:33

he is being childish

continue to be excited about your flat. carry on as if you arent bothered he is being huffy.

good luck with the move! x

compo · 13/04/2007 12:35

it truly is ing the way some people carry on isn't it?!! What does mil say about it?

WigWamBam · 13/04/2007 12:36

I can understand why he wouldn't want to put the dog into kennels (I won't put my cat into a cattery) but as it's his dog it's his problem, and it's up to him to find someone else to look after it. It sounds as if he has come to rely on you to have the dog and is taking it forgranted that this will continue, so he's acting like a spoilt child trying to get his own way. And like a child, the only way to deal with him is to stick to your guns and not give in!

You have to plan your new home for you and no-one else.

hippipotami · 13/04/2007 12:38

Agree with others. FIL being unreasonable, not you!

Continue to be excited about YOUR flat, enjoy it, and don't worry about FIL.

mumto3girls · 13/04/2007 12:40

God, imagaine planning a home around one visit from a relative!!!

NO WAY - just continue with your plans - it;s completely up to him if he wants to miss the wedding!!

nailpolish · 13/04/2007 12:40

it sounds like my friend who threw a strop when, after her father died, her mother had to downsize her house to a one bed. my friend was annoyed becuase her mother wouldnt be able to have her grandson to stay overnight.

ridiculously selfish

suejonez · 13/04/2007 12:42

like WWB I can also understand him not particulalry wanting to put dog in kennels but he still doesn;t have the right to guilt trip you. He needs to find another solution. WHen you have DC you may not feel up to having his dog for a whle anyway so he;ll need to find alternative arrangments then probably. He can get a dog sitter to look after the dog rather than a kennel - very popular aorund here and some vetinary nurses will dog sit - get him to ask at the local vet.

BizzyDint · 13/04/2007 12:43

not your problem. you carry on as you were.

Original poster
marieg76 · 13/04/2007 12:46

Just re-read my message and realise that it sounds contradictory. The flat that we have found is for rental and the minimum term is 6 months which is fine for us - gives us time to find a place we want to buy whilst enjoying a maintenance free time prior to DC.

There is no MIL (he's twice-divorced and incredibly tetchy and lazy) so no one to talk sense into him.

However, the really upsetting thing is that if we don't find a way to look after the dog, he won't come to the wedding and then we'll end up being the bad guys. Our family know that we don't need the stress; pregnant, moving house twice in the next few months, both working full-time etc. It's very frustrating.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 13/04/2007 12:48

if he doesnt come to the wedding

ITS UP TO HIM ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

surely everyone else can see what a tosspot he is being. if htey cant they are as bad as him

jesus, i cnat believe a dog would prevent a fully grown man going to a wedding

compo · 13/04/2007 12:49

has he got a neighbour/friend who might look after the dog? Are you getting married a long way from FIL's home?

compo · 13/04/2007 12:50

totally agree with np but would have added to last sentence his son's wedding

nailpolish · 13/04/2007 12:50

tell him to put a friggin dickie bow round the dogs neck and it can be his date for the night

WigWamBam · 13/04/2007 12:58

You won't be the bad guys if he doesn't go to the wedding. There are alternatives (dog sitters, another relative), he is just chosing not to use them. You say that your family know you don't need the extra stress; they will also be bright enough to work out that it's not your fault if your FIL acts like a spoilt toddler.

He is holding you to ransom - he expects you to give in to his blackmail. But if you don't, he will have no choice but to find someone else to look after his dog.

Original poster
marieg76 · 13/04/2007 13:01

I am sitting here giggling to myself (and worrying my colleagues no doubt) with nailpolish's comment - thank you. You've brightened up my day

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 13/04/2007 13:07

You say that other relatives won't do it bcause they don't like dogs..well how come they are not considered the bad guys then??Just tell him straight that unfortunately it's hs problem. Perhaps he could leave his dog with a friend that night?

saltire · 13/04/2007 13:09

Is it his own daughter's wedding he's refusing to go to?
Sounds like my PIL, that's the kind of thing he would do, he acts like a child who's had his toys taken off him. It's you and your DH that matter, not him. You are pregnant and don't need the stress and hassle. Stick to your guns

nailpolish · 13/04/2007 13:10

my pleasure

QPootle · 13/04/2007 13:23

There are times, really very rarely, when MNet makes me grateful for mine and Dh's parents. That's shocking. Stuff him.

Original poster
marieg76 · 13/04/2007 14:30

Mumto3girls - his daughters have always been upfront about not liking dogs so we've always looked after him when FIL is up. What has bugged me though is that when FIL has been up, he chooses to stay with one of his daughters (they wait on him hand and foot) and during his visit never comes to even see the dog :-(

The dog has been put in kennels before (he was a rescue dog and the place that FIL has used before, is actually the rescue place so they treat the animals very very well).

It's a rather sad situation I suppose because he doesn't really have any friends. He moved over 100 miles away from friends and family in his early 50's when he and his second wife split up. He was so bitter with it all, he didn't really try to make any friends - just wallowed in his bitterness.

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 13/04/2007 15:17

God, the fact that he actually wants you to have accomdation for his dog and not even for him is incredible - just say NO and be done with it.
After all if you had no choice but to move into a flat then he would have no choice either would he?he sounds like a completely selfish person ayway - would he even be missed if he didn't turn up?

mumto3girls · 13/04/2007 15:19

Actually if your SIL is getting married will she be staying at home the night of the wedding - coiuld he not stay thee with his dog?

expatinscotland · 13/04/2007 15:24

No.

Screw that!

If I'm paying for it, then I pick where I want to live.

If it doesn't suit his needs, well then, he's welcome to find a place that does and pay my rent.

LowFatMilkshake · 13/04/2007 15:30

Tel FIL tough - if he wants to miss the wedding just because the dog can't stay in a house he's being totaslly unreasonable and a little childish.

A house is a huge investment and you will have to live there long asfter the dog has gone home!

Dont let him make you feel bad. I am sure your SIL will blame himnot you for not coming to her wedding for such a ridiculous reason!

PS to really get out of it - no question is to say you have developed an itchy skin condition - often occurs in PG my SIL had it, so to be looking after a dog is a real no no anyway!

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