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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my sisters (im so done)

71 replies

mammabear27 · 26/10/2017 10:40

ok so all my life my sister have been a nightmare, they were always ganging up on me and just making me feel very uncomfortable in my own skin, ok so fast forward to now, my mom made us have a family meeting to clear the air and try and get things back on track for her sake (fine id do anything for my mom) anyway this meeting ended in me getting hit from both my sisters leaving me with bruises, anything i was saying wasn't good enough i could stand on my head and it wouldn't be enough for them!
Im nearly 30 and have my own little family i have an amazing partner who would do anything for me (my sisters do'nt like him mainly because he stands up for me) and I have a young child who has additional needs so my life is busy, but we are very happy.
is it wrong that i no longer what my sisters in my life? I don't want them to play any part in my upcoming wedding either ( as I feel they will just try and ruin my special day)
i really need the advise! sorry for the long post

OP posts:

Creampastry · 28/10/2017 13:48

Do NOT apologise to anyone! No fing way! Your sisters are out of order and you should cut them out or keep at a very long distance. If, having seen what your sisters did, your mum thinks there is a relationship with you and your sisters then quite frankly she’s a cow. Stay the hell away from them all!!!

Juicyfruitloop · 28/10/2017 13:48

Have not *gave

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2017 13:49

My mother and my brother (especially his wife) are toxic bullies. I have ME/CFS. My brother denies my disability. As does my mother. They like to talk about me behind my back and how if I were really ill, I wouldn’t do x or y. My brother has threatened me physically on a number of occasions, pushed me over and drove his car away when I was leaning against it for support when running out of energy and close to collapse. As a result I fell to the ground.

My mother takes the misogynistic attitude that he wouldn’t really hurt me when threatening. Then when I say he has hurt me, she blames me because we apparently were fighting (not true). The threatening was because he was going to “deck me in a minute” and “punch me” because he was angry I didn’t have enough energy to help my mother out a lot and was mostly prostrate on the sofa. The pushing over was when I was standing beside a door way, which he went through just after he’d had a barney with his wife. He announced they were leaving and I said I wanted him to explain this to my dd before he left (as her cousin was taken away with no warning).

My mother came at half term and “I just wants you to get on”. Her attitude is I wind him up. The physical violence he subjected me to throughout my childhood is my fault. Dh and I sit there as stoic as possible and I become an absolute people pleaser with him and his wife whilst they bitch to eachother about me and make snide comments. I then spoke to her about the sexual bullying that went on with him and involved his friends. She smirked .

I’m done with them. I am NC with brother and LC with mother. Good on you for doing the same. I really should have been done with them a long time ago. As should you and your sisters.

Cockmagic · 28/10/2017 13:50

What the fuck? !

I feel for you op, I have 6 half brothers whom I don't get along with, but they would never lay a finger on me .

I really think you should cut them out of your life, and your mam should of defended you, she sounds as bad as them.

Whinesalot · 28/10/2017 14:01

You need to be frank with your mum and stand up for yourself. Tell her that whilst you love her, you can't put yourself in any situation again that involve them. that it is time to stop trying for your mental health. Be firm.

MumW · 28/10/2017 14:02

YADNBU. I'd be so done with them too.

Tell your mum that you will not apolgise for being the victim of abuse. If she throws the family card into it then say that is why you didn't go to the police to report their assault as you didn't want to upset her but if it happens again you will. Your mum needs to stop colluding and enabling their behaviour. If she continues to push for you to apologise rather than the other way around, and assuming the incident took place recently, it may not be too late to report it.

Go NC (or nearly NC if you want to appease your mum) with them.

I'd definitely not want to invite them to the wedding. If they turn up anyway and make a fuss, then the best man can sort them out and call the police if necessary.

deblet · 28/10/2017 14:03

I stopped having contact with my brother 8 years ago because of his toxic wife and his inability to see it. Life is easier without him. My parents see him and the rule is they don't mention us to them and him to us. We now have peace.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/10/2017 14:11

Your sisters HIT you and your mother wants YOU to apologize? That's messed up, that is!

You are right to want to cut your sisters out of your life. And if your mother can't accept that, then cut her out too. Life is too short to be having people who don't support you in your life.

Cherish your little family and build your life around them.

HelenUrth · 28/10/2017 14:18

I hope you keep photos of the bruising so that you can remind your mum in future when she inevitably tries to minimise what has happened.

As far as I'm concerned, the only time it's ok to hit someone is in self-defence. Your mums attitude is very concerning and perhaps some discussion with a professional counsellor might be useful to you in terms of your relationship with her in the future. It sounds like your family of origin is very dysfunctional (a familiar scene to me), so stuff appears normal to you all that would horrify other people (as in the situation you have just described).

As to your sisters, it's a pity you won't report them - but please at least stay away from them. There is no justification in the world for them hitting you.

PovertyPain · 28/10/2017 14:25

The photograph idea is very god, as I bet the mum will ignore, look away, if you try to show her the bruises. Photos are harder to ignore.

Fanciedachange17 · 28/10/2017 14:29

I'm another one who would like you to go to the police. Please take photos of the bruises if they are still there.
Don't you dare let these people come near your wedding or your little family.
Your Mum should have supported you when this incident happened not try to get you to apologise. It's over. NC with them ever again. Your Mum has to make up her own mind and never try to force happy family gatherings again. Imagine if they hit your child?

Mittens1969 · 28/10/2017 14:29

Your mum wants you to apologise to your sisters? That’s completely wrong, she’s minimising their abuse of you, OP. I would thoroughly agree that it’s time to go NC with them. Your mum doesn’t have your best interests in this, she’s thinking of herself sadly.

Mittens1969 · 28/10/2017 14:30

And I agree that you should go to the police. It’s time to stand up to these bullies.

Hidingtonothing · 28/10/2017 14:35

I hate 'you know what they're like' used as an excuse for someone's shitty, abusive behaviour. Yes it's 'just what they're like', because no one ever calls them on their behaviour so they're never forced to behave like decent people! Stand your ground OP

redexpat · 28/10/2017 14:57

You know what they are like is code for their behaviour is not acceptable but Im not going to tackle them on it because its easier for me not to. I think you should go to the police. Take some photos of the bruises. And get some counselling to deal with all of this. You sound like such a sweet considerate person and you deserve better: to be believed, to have your needs met, and to have people in your life who respect you.

Notreallyarsed · 28/10/2017 15:04

My brother is the most toxic person I’ve ever met, he’s an absolute scumbag. I’m not completely NC because my mother before she died begged me not to as it would break my Dad’s heart. So I don’t blank him or fight with him, but I hate him with every fibre of my being. I don’t react purely for my dad’s sake, but when he isn’t here (hopefully many, many years down the line) I will never ever speak to that cunt for the rest of my life.

I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult position and that your Mum is sitting on the fence. Absolutely cut them out, they’ve assaulted you. That’s appalling!

SeaEagleFeather · 28/10/2017 20:21

So my mom thinks maybe we should all just sort it out maybe I should apologize because “I know what they are like”

time your mum discovered what YOU are like, mommabear.

You've got backbone, no matter how much they've tried to break it out of you.

I know you want to think that your mum has your best interests at heart, but .. are you really sure? I cannot imagine any possible way that it is in your best interests to be hit by someone else and you apologise for it. That's total doormattery, that is

ptumbi · 28/10/2017 20:46

your best interests to be hit by someone else and you apologise for it. - that is because it is in your mum's best interests that you put up and STFU.

She wants to project the image of a perfect family, where all her children love each other, and her.

Unfortunatley, you all fighting doesn't fit with this. You apologising and coming back in line (to be the quiet one, ) is much better. For her.

Fuck that.

HashtagTired · 28/10/2017 20:48

Yanbu

R2G · 28/10/2017 20:51

YANBU stay away from your sisters

Lozmatoz · 28/10/2017 20:57

Sack off what your mum thinks and feels, and think about yourself. Report them to the police, end all contact. They are abusive and things will never change, just get worse.

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