Leaving kids on their own? Too early?

MrsLilymunster · 2017-10-25T16:44:51+00:00

My friend was telling me that her parents often left her on her own from the age of 8+. her parents are really lovely but am I being unreasonable in thinking this is a bit reckless???? when is acceptable age to leave your children on their own??

funshine17 · 25/10/2017 17:47

I have relatives that live next door so I’ve been leaving mine for short times (1 hr weekly shop) since around 8/9 and now I’ll leave them for up to 3 hours at 10/11
I appreciate that mine is quite an unusual situation though.

Phosphorus · 25/10/2017 17:48

It depends on the child.

An 8 year old is often fine to be left while parents do pick ups/drop offs, especially these days with mobiles etc.

It's a peculiarly British thing to baby children in not allowing them to travel to/from school, and stay home alone for a while at that age.

BertieBotts · 25/10/2017 17:51

The culture has changed. It wouldn't be considered okay to leave an 8 year old in the UK today but it was a generation ago.

We have left DS from about 7 as we live in Germany and it's considered normal here. He was happy to be left and could contact us if he needed to. I think he was 8 though by the time we started leaving him for longer than about half an hour.

You can't do that in the UK though and some MNers would probably lynch me for this - but he's been walking home from school on his own since 7 as well.

Lellochip · 25/10/2017 17:57

My parents got rid of the childminder when I was 9 or so. Got ourselves up, off to school, into town for sports clubs, fed etc. Coped fine, though wouldn't recommend as an example of good parenting

Think a sensible 8 year old would be fine to be left for short times though

MummaDeeDee · 25/10/2017 18:00

Every child copes differently. As long as you’ve had “the chat” with them (what to do in an emergency etc) I think you know by the child.

toriatoriatoria · 25/10/2017 18:49

I think it all depends on the child and also that was acceptable a generation ago isn't what's accepted now.

SandLand · 25/10/2017 19:01

It also depends on the country. The Brits seem much more wary of giving kids freedom than many other countries.
For example (Brit, not in uk) my 6yr old (Year2) is expected to leave his classroom (3000 kids in the school) find his bus, and get home without an adult. I had kittens when I heard this was expected, but he is (so far!) fine.
I will give my 8 year old, having met him at a third location after school (he finishes later than his brother some days) a front door key and let him walk home (5 mins) and let himself in rather than watch his younger brothers class. I'm late to allow him to do this according some. Exceptionally early according to others. Culture and custom play a big part in this.

Gretia · 25/10/2017 19:05

I think 8yo is fine to be left for an hour or so. I think it actually does more damage not to leave them on their own for a little bit by that age-you end up with children who can't think/do anything for themselves! Babying them doesn't do them any favours in the long run!

Mamabear4180 · 25/10/2017 19:18

I have relatives that live next door so I’ve been leaving mine for short times (1 hr weekly shop) since around 8/9 and now I’ll leave them for up to 3 hours at 10/11
I appreciate that mine is quite an unusual situation though.

I'm not sure it is unusual really, it's what I did too. No relatives next door either!

formerbabe · 25/10/2017 19:26

My eldest is 9...no way would I leave him alone in the house.

Ausparent · 25/10/2017 19:50

I agree that we are more conservative than a lot of other countries in this area.

We are in Austria and we are encouraged to send our kids to school on their own from age 6. Very difficult for my British brain to adjust to but everyone does it here. He is 7 now and walks to and from school on his own every day.

Definitely depends on the child, where the house is, how far away you are etc. I leave my son for 10 minutes whilst I walk round the corner to get my DD from kindergarten but we have very clear rules which he knows and follows. I wouldn't leave him if I was gone for longer, but I have friends here who have more mature kids the same age who are left for longer.

Rowgtfc72 · 25/10/2017 19:54

We left Dd for half an hour or so at eight and for an hour at nine. She's ten and a half now and is fine to be left for a couple of hours and can get herself home from school on the bus.
She has friends who are nowhere near this stage yet.

exexpat · 25/10/2017 19:57

DS stopped coming along to his sister's swimming lessons by the time he was about nine, I think - he was bored rigid and was much happier at home by himself. We would have been out of the house for an hour or so at a time.

K1092902 · 25/10/2017 20:01

High school here. Summer before DSD started high school we started leaving her for half hour increasing it to two hours over the holidays before she started school. Few ups and downs over the years (normal teenage stuff) but no major problems.

DSD was left on her own for up to 2 hours when she started high school.

WhispersOfWickedness · 25/10/2017 20:07

Definitely depends on the child. I have a nearly 8 yo and a just turned 6yo. The 6yo is more mature than the 8yo and I would feel happier leaving her (although I wouldn’t yet). I do leave 8yo in the car for up to 15 mins at a time though.
Also agree about other countries, my best friend is in another European country and her 8yo dd walks to school and back on her own and is sometimes home for up to half an hour on her own. Totally normal there.

Longdistance · 25/10/2017 20:16

This is quite interesting to read. I’m contemplating leaving my dd who’s 8, alone when I drop off dd2 to Rainbows which is in the School in the next road from us so, 3 minutes max. She is really sensible, and would be doing her homework anyway. She did ask me last week, and we had letters from the school saying year 3’s could walk home by themselves 🤷🏼‍♀️

Imaginosity · 25/10/2017 20:23

I used to be left at home at age 8 for about an hour or longer and I remember being terrified that someone might break into the house. Also, i would not have been able to manage calmly if there was a fire or something. Probably unlikely something would happen but you never know.

EveryNameYouTake · 25/10/2017 20:35

1960s - my dad used to walk home after school on his own from 6 years old. I can't even compute how that was ok, but it was normal then.

madeyemoodysmum · 25/10/2017 20:38

I leave Ds 9 nearly 10 while I collect dd from school club etc. It's takes about 20mins.
I've left them both together 9&11 when we have been parents evening but that's only five mins away and we have our phones.

mistymumma · 25/10/2017 20:43

It's fine, until the local paedophile notices, or is by opportunity passing by and takes it upon himself to break in... or knock... most kids of 8 would answer. You cant be too careful when it comes to children, especially your own, yet if something happened I bet nobody would dare utter the words "mums fault" even though it would be.

FenceSitter01 · 25/10/2017 20:48

It really depends upon the child. Two of mine were perfectly sensible, one however was not!

littleducks · 25/10/2017 20:56

Depends on the child and when they feel comfortable. You need to teach rules properly eg. No answering the door, no answering the phone uneeds it's you. Explain what to do in case of flood/fire/opportunistic paedophile burglars .

engineersthumb · 25/10/2017 21:07

Misty that is rather judgmental. It's an individual's decision based on the child. Wrapping them up in cotton wool won't prepare anyone for the dangers in the real world especially how to assess and balance risk.

Cornishclio · 25/10/2017 21:16

We left our 2 girls at home on their own when they were 11. The recommendation then was actually no child should be left alone under the age of 12 or responsible for other younger siblings until 14. We figured once they were old enough to walk to school on their own they could cope with emergencies at home should they arise so secondary school age. I think 8 is too young but there is no law giving a statutory age. Nspcc still say 12.

BertieBotts · 25/10/2017 21:32

Oh don't be silly, the "local paedophile"?

Sadly paedophiles don't need children to be alone in order to prey on them. Mostly they operate by gaining the child's and usually the family's trust. It would be utterly stupid for a paedophile to knock on a child's door and assault them, because the child would be extremely traumatised and upset and it would be immediately obvious something had happened. And if this opportunistic paedophile decided to groom the child instead, again, they'd probably mention that they had a visitor while you were gone!

Most of the children at DS's school walked from six. He was only seven because he has an Autumn birthday. But people look out for children here. He actually had quite a bad fall the other day and grazed all the side of his face, and someone stopped and checked he was okay and walked him the rest of the way home when they realised he only lived on the same street. It's just seen as a communal thing to look out for unaccompanied children and make sure they are okay. I've let a child use my phone at the train station before too.