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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should we ask FIL to give his Inheritance to us?

70 replies

Tatteredlace · 25/10/2017 13:40

Long one but here goes.

DH's Mum and Dad has their house repossessed, lots of issues surrounding alcohol etc. We only found out the day before the eviction happened and on the day FIL stole MIL's car and left her in the street. MIL went to stay with Family and they never spoke after that.

DH and I married around a year after that and FIL didn't turn up to our wedding, even though he spoke to DH that morning and everything was fine, and DH refused to speak to him after that.

A year later MIL died unexpectedly. She had got quite a substantial amount of money from the sale of the house and she had got her life back on track after leaving FIL. They were still married so FIL ended up getting all of MIL's money, after promising to give the money to the 3 children he changed his mind and kept it.

A year later we had our first baby, he wasn't interested in meeting the baby. His other Son got married and he didn't turn up to that wedding either.

FIL's Dad passed away a few years later, he never turned up to his funeral. Heir Hunters have tracked him down so he can claim his VERY substantial inheritance. FIL's Sister has said we should write to him to ask for MIL's money back now he has loads of money. She said that their Father had intended to change his will and leave FIL's share to his children instead of him, but he was too frail to.

AIBU to write and ask for him to give the money owed to his children and 5 grandchildren he has never met?

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 25/10/2017 14:02

e didn't have a will so anything that was hers went to him

This is an argument in favour of writing a will, so that your wishes are known.

SecretSmellies · 25/10/2017 14:04

Are you in the UK? If your MIL died without a will, then intestacy laws mean that some of her money should have gone to her children. There is a defined set of processes and percentages.

Worth chatting to a solicitor.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/10/2017 14:05

He wont do it and by the sound of it there wont be any of MIL's money left by now, so why put yourselves through it?

He sounds like a prize shit and I agree that the money should have gone to DH but it didnt, so the most healthy thing you can do is come to peace with that and move on.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/10/2017 14:07

Are you in the UK? If your MIL died without a will, then intestacy laws mean that some of her money should have gone to her children. There is a defined set of processes and percentages.

Only if she left more than £250,000.

SecretSmellies · 25/10/2017 14:08

Oh right, thanks Pyong.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 25/10/2017 14:19

If MIL had been that insistent money went to the children she would have made a will. Sadly, she didn't.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2017 14:19

You will get blood from a stone before you ever see a penny of that money.

ButchyRestingFace · 25/10/2017 14:24

AIBU to write and ask for him to give the money owed to his children and 5 grandchildren he has never met?

He doesn’t “owe” them anything so I wouldn’t go phrasing it like that in any correspondence.

As for morals, sounds like he doesn’t have any. The loss of inheritance is probably a small price to pay for having him out of your lives. He must have led his family a merry dance.

musicform · 25/10/2017 14:25

As a solicitor in this area of the law, you have an uphill struggle ahead of you. If you have the resources and want to battle it out, then you may get something. However, if he is willing to spend his inheritance on legal fees defending, you may see nothing and have a big bill.

MargaretTwatyer · 25/10/2017 14:29

Actually it might well be worth asking. Because as an alcoholic his horizons will be very limited. He won't think much beyond drinking and a roof over his head, so he won't have much to do with a large sum of money.

Would it also be worth DH seeing if he would consider using some of the money to put himself in rehab?

StefMay · 25/10/2017 14:47

I would not want this money. By entering into dialogue you are bringing this awful person back into your lives. Leave him and his money where it is - away from you and your family.

My mother is extremely wealthy but I am proud to make my own money and provide for my family to the extent that I can.

I do not need anyone else's money and I certainly do not feel entitled to said money as I did not earn it. Move on and forget about it.

Nandoshoes · 25/10/2017 14:52

Omg this sounds deserpate you sound grabby af move on with your life stop looking down the back of the sofa for pennies and get your own.

diddl · 25/10/2017 15:07

He doesn't owe it to you though.

Perhaps when someone dies intestate there should be provision for an ex to not get everything.

Presumably divorce proceedings hadn't even started?

tiggytape · 25/10/2017 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2017 15:15

I would not recommend this at all.

Firstly it’s his money. Morally he may feel he has contributed to your mother in law having it in thr first place it’s his. You have no legal right to it.

Secondly you might piss him off and if he was going to leave the kids anything, he may well change his mind.

Thirdly not being part of your life seems to be his plan, so it’s not a punishment, it’s thr status quo,

Fourthly if he wanted to give you money he would. He’s hardly going to say “oh that’s a good idea, how much would you think is reasonable?”

So no. Writing and asking him for money is a bad idea and is not going to be well received.

SonicBoomBoom · 25/10/2017 15:16

You could ask. Maybe you should, so if (when) he says no, you all know once and for all where you stand.

Sometimes hope is the killer.

SyrilSneer · 25/10/2017 15:18

They really should have divorced. As they didn’t for whatever reason there is very little you can do.

ElspethFlashman · 25/10/2017 15:21

Everybody knows where their money is likely to go if they die and, if they feel strongly that they wish it to go elsewhere, everyone knows they make a will

Exactly. She had left him for some time. God knows why she never made a will, she knew it would all go to him if anything happened to her. A shame, but not actually his fault.

SandyY2K · 25/10/2017 15:22

No. Don't ask for it. He won't give you any.

It's legally his and he's shown hevdoesnt care much for morals.

That's why a will is so important when you leave someone.

All those living with separated men who haven't made a will, will see his money go to the wife if he passes away without a will.

Original poster

Tatteredlace · 25/10/2017 15:23

nandoshoes cheers for that. You have missed the point of my post.

I just want to point out that I am asking if we AIBU if we were to take FILs Sister's advice to write a letter.

Whether we have money or not, is not important to us. The guy is a waste of space IMO but its DH's Father and he still has some slim hope that his Dad might come through for him.

Also... MIL did try to start divorce proceedings but FIL refused to cooperate with her around it

OP posts:

Maelstrop · 25/10/2017 15:23

Morally and legally, the inheritance went to your fil as next of kin. You have no right to any of the money, regardless of what mil or anyone else said. You're on a hiding to nothing.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 25/10/2017 15:24

YANBU and I feel for you, what an awful situation all the way around.

BUT I don't think there's much chance of you seeing any of the money even if you do ask. He didn't bother to attend either of his sons weddings, his fathers' funeral or to meet his new grandchild, I doubt very much he feels he 'owes' his family anything or should do the 'morally right' thing. I would go so far as to say he's probably managing to do a pretty good job of spending it.

Sadly, this is what happens when you die without a will, it doesn't matter what was said verbally to family members, if it isn't documented in a will it's just hearsay.

Good luck.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 25/10/2017 15:29

Just as a footnote..... as he's inherited a very large sum in addition to the money he received when your MIL died, I would ask him. You could always stress what your MIL's wishes were and ask for some inheritance for your children to help them start in life.

It's knowing the money is probably being squandered on booze that would really get me.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 25/10/2017 15:30

How much is the inheritance? I don't understand how she got a "substantial amount of money from the sale of the house" that had been repossessed?
Am I reading it wrong?

charmedrose · 25/10/2017 15:31

I know it's too late now but why oh why didn't MIL plan for this accordingly. There's no way she'd have wanted her ex to get her money, instead now she's left left behind her a load of unnessesary angst. Just shows the importance of making a will.

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