To check his phone and let him know about it?

[GeriT]

My scumbag of a "DP" has had an emotional affair (this has been going on for months and still continues). Around 10 days ago I checked his phone and let him know about it.

He will not end it with me, says we aren't together but we aren't over.

I feel he is using this as an excuse to ease his conscience while he entertains OW - he has shown no regret/remorse.

I have no clue how he feels about her?

He always seems to spin the situation so that it is fault. Takes responsibility for absolutely nothing.

Is it me?

I've woken up in a very angry mood.

Like I don't even care any more. I did my all to make this work - I feel so stupid.

Don't feel stupid.
You did everything right but your guy took advantage.

Do not feel stupid OP. You have had great faith, in the wrong person.

Anger is good here. Don't let him get away with playing you and keeping you on the back burner just in case his other relationship falters.

Use it to take control and send him a message, text, email to say you have decided you do not wish this relationship to continue and to collect his belongings/the Barry Manilow DVD/whatever and put this all in a box and dispatch it out of your life.

He came round last night.

We had a blazing row. Blamed me for everything. Denies any sort of responsibility and he's doing nothing wrong with OW.

My head is so all over the place.

Shall I just make the right decision in anger?

Shall I just make the right decision in anger?

I'm not sure what your question here means OP.

I urge you to notify him that you wish to end the relationship and then put in place all the practicalities to make that happen so you can get on with your life.

I'm furious - I don't feel like I am in control right now and the anger has just taken over.

Luckily DD is at a sleepover.

How can he be so fucking deluded that nothing is his fault?

How can he be so fucking deluded that nothing is his fault?

Because:
a) he is not deluded, he knows it, but to admit it to you would give you power so he lies = keep clear of the idiot
b) he is deluded and is emotionally screwed up = keep clear of the idiot

Some years ago I had a partner who lied, deceived and messed me around to a level I have only read about in the press. He created a life of chaos. He said he was seeing a psychiatrist and receiving all sorts of treatments, to bear with him whilst he tries to get better and then everything will be ok (I later discovered none of that was true either, it was all lies, he even met me outside a psychiatrist's office in Harley Street once and pretended to go inside, I now discover he waited until I got to the end of the street then legged it). I had a meeting with a psychologist to help me understand what he was going through, how I could cope with his behaviour, give me insight etc.

She was excellent. And among so much help she gave me, her golden words were: You will never be able to make sense of any of this. It is impossible. Stop trying.

Once I did, I discovered a plethora of other activities and lies. I ended it and was free. I am now with the love of my life.

Trying to work out how emotional f-wits like your partner think, make sense, are deluded, justify their actions - trying to get inside their mind instead gets inside yours and will drive you mad.

Stop, free yourself. Take control and be happy.

I need some space from him.

I could tear his head off right now. Sorry - I'm just hurting x

Space from him suggests a gap which will be closed at some point.

I am worried where this heading OP, for you. I am concerned why you are allowing yourself to be so mistreated.

Do you have friends you can talk to?

You need to get rid of him. Tell him the relationship is over: no more bullshit about 'space' and if he tries to insist it isn't over yet, point out to him that this is not his decision, it's your decision and he's dumped.
Either take his key back or change the locks. Tell him to collect his stuff. Tell him you will be in touch via email regarding maintenance/contact for DD. Then ignore any texts or phone calls whining for another chance

He's a total waste of a dick. Start thinking of him as ludicrous and pathetic, and highly inconsiderate.

Why do you keep letting him come over? It's over. He's moved out and is seeing someone else.

Tell him to fuck off. He can come and pick up DD. That's it. He doesn't have any right to come into your home. Don't respond to him unless it's about DD. He's made his choice, now he can live with the consequences. Don't let him mess with your head.

The house is both of ours :(

Someone said he is denying everything in text message so he can use it against me. Do I need to stop being so apologetic in texts?

I am going to try and get my head together over the weekend. Then be brave next week.

Do not be apologetic. You have nothing to apologise for.

Send texts saying some of the things people are saying on here. You are perfectly entitled to decide you've had enough of him and the situation with the house can be sorted out.

How does he know this woman if he's never met her? Through an online game or Facebook or something?

Does she know of your existence or does she thinks he's single?

He sounds like an absolute head fuck, no wonder you're second guessing yourself xx

Through some online channel yeah!

I think she does know about me but he has made out like im a bitch.