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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my friend sticking her finger in DSs mouth??

57 replies

Wilkie · 12/04/2007 22:30

I know it sounds daft but I really don't like it. She is my BF and has a LO 2 weeks younger than mine who is 13 weeks old. Her LO likes to suck her finger rather than a dummy, mine has a dummy and I REALLY object to her sticking her bloody finger in my DSs mouth when he is crying. Why can't she put his dummy in???

She is lovely and I really don't know how to ask her not to do it. Went round the other day and her bloody DH did it too!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

OP posts:
Kitsilano · 12/04/2007 22:33

I hope she sterilised her finger in boiling water first....

gemmiegoatEGGS · 12/04/2007 22:33

have u tried making a lighthearted remark - like "have your fingers been in the steriliser for 10 minutes?"

If that fails just tell em their skin is covered in bacteria that would be better not shoved in your baby's mouth so keep their hands off please.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/04/2007 22:35

Why dont you like it?

Original poster
Wilkie · 12/04/2007 22:35

I know I'm being soft but I'm a right wimp - I don't want to upset her because she obviously sees nothing wrong in doing it with her DS.

She doesn't wash her hands before she does it to my DS though, just sticks it in and I just don't like it.

I'm not an anxious mother, it just seems too intimate for my friend to do it when I don't do it myself IYSWIM.

OP posts:
hairymclary · 12/04/2007 22:36

do you dislike it because you think it's unhygienic, or just because he prefers his dummy?

if the latter then just say to her, "oh just pop his dummy in" or just go over and take him so you can soothe him yourself

DANCESwithaFewExtraPounds · 12/04/2007 22:36

Gawd I HATED this and when my MIL used to suck their fingers (when they are in that hands grabbing your face/in mouth phase), not just random sucking....eugh, grosses me out even saying it...where is that vomiting emotion when we need it?!

brimfull · 12/04/2007 22:37

I used to do this to my ds but I would never do it to someone else's,have been tempted though.
Quite a few times a Dr has put finger in ds's mouth when he was baby,I did wonder where his finger had been.

Just hand her the dummy next time ,she should get the message.

hairymclary · 12/04/2007 22:37

have to admit, I do tend to do it to babies if I am holding one and it starts crying.
don't know why.

it wouldn't bother me if someone did it with ds.

Original poster
Wilkie · 12/04/2007 22:38

Both hairymclary. I wouldn't go over to her and stick my finger in her mouth so why do it to my DS? It's just a bit gross.

We have play days where we both just chill at each others houses with the babies and she tends to do it if I go to the loo or make a cup of tea - when I come back her frigging finger is in his mouth!!!

OP posts:
JustUsTwo · 12/04/2007 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LedodgyCheapEasterEggsAreASin · 12/04/2007 22:40

I wouldn't mind but only if it was my best friend who did it but then again i'd let her bf my baby if the need arose.

Original poster
Wilkie · 12/04/2007 22:40

She'd prob be fine, I just hate the thought of upsetting her. I don't want to seem critical cos she does it to her DS which is fine but that is because it's HER son.

My DS has a dummy if he needs one. End of.

I did ask her to use the dummy the other day but she said she couldn't find it and it was easier just to use her finger.

OP posts:
Kitsilano · 12/04/2007 22:40

Yuck, yuck, yuck. I never did this to my own baby because hands get dirty. What's the point of sterilising if you're going to stick a germy finger in a baby's mouth?

PinkTulips · 12/04/2007 22:40

really? would never have occured to me that this was much of a problem really but then i'm well into the realms of crawling babies eating junk they find on the floor so i think i'm immune to worrying about germs anymore.

ds has never had anything steralised for him in his life, dummy rarely even gets washed... never now the water is contaminated tbh!

Original poster
Wilkie · 12/04/2007 22:41

PinkTulips - it's not particulalry the hygiene reason, I'm not a sterilising fresk or anything.

I can't really put into words why I don't like it. I just don't.

OP posts:
bubblicious · 12/04/2007 22:42

I dont like it I have to admit, maybe you could remind her of this!

My midwife(very nice lady) didnt agree with dummies, so everytime her DS cried she stuck her finger in his mouth and it settled him!!!! (arrr how very sweet-YUK)

In time this baby turned into a toddler and I didnt see them for obvious reasons(I was not pregnant!)

When toddler had turned into child I went to Church ( Mothers day I think!) Here was this Midwife/Mother and her 6 yr old son suckling off her finger in the middle of the church service. I know the sons age as he is 18mths older than my middle child!

I have to say I am so glad I gave all 3 DDs a dummy, they all have ok teeth and none of them suck their thumb! (well their milk teeth are ok!)

Kitsilano · 12/04/2007 22:43

But a 12 week old isn't crawling around on the floor...

However if you can convince me that sterlising is unnecessary at any age I will be VERY happy as it is such a chore and I am pg with number 2

GibbonInARibbon · 12/04/2007 22:43

You obviously feel very strongly about it so say something...she is only trying to soothe your LO and has no idea you feel the way you do.

hairymclary · 12/04/2007 22:43

ditto pinktulips.
I honestly don't think there is anything to worry about from a hygiene point of view.

JustUsTwo · 12/04/2007 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairymclary · 12/04/2007 22:45

kitsilano, in America they don't sterilise, or at least, aren't advised to.
washing in hot soapy water is all you need.

I am a strong believer that a child needs to be exposed to germs and dirt to build up their immune system.
once they are sitting up they'll be putting all sorts in their mouths!

hairymclary · 12/04/2007 22:46

But, at the end of the day, if you really hate it wilkie, then you just have to tell her.
hard though

JustUsTwo · 12/04/2007 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hilllary · 12/04/2007 22:47

wilkie I'm totall with you there, my next door neighbour came round, couldnt get rid of her, she didnt have children but just picked up my dd who was a very sick baby, just come out of hospital after spending months in there, dd cried and the girl stuck her finger in my dd's mouth, I screamed at her, she had those false nails on too... discusting, she'd been playing with the rabbit before that too!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/04/2007 22:48

Well, her finger is probably cleaner than a dummy

DD loved her dummy, DS not interested at all.

In the great scheme of things, unless she has the bubonic plague or something, I'd try not to let it get to you too much. Not worth risking a fall out with your friend over it.

Give it a year and he'll be popping snails and mud in his mouth anyway.