Had a big falling out with my MIL and wonder if I need some perspective.
DD is 2.4, but developmentally closer to 15/16 months, she's speech delayed, has hearing problems, eye sight problems, is asthmatic and has hip problems. She has at least 1 appointment a fortnight for something or other.
DH is flakey at best, a lazy sod at worst. He forgets everything including his own head if it isn't screwed on from what time his shift starts at work to picking DD up from Nursery, and everything in between. He's so unorganized that he never leaves time to have a shower when getting ready for work and is often late anyway, I'm constantly surprised he hasn't been sacked - he must be a good worker in other areas that they can overlook his consistent lateness.
I also work 3 days a week, manage to get myself and DD ready in plenty of time in the mornings, get DD to Nursery in time for breakfast there and get to work usually with 5 minutes or so to spare so I can make myself a cup of tea and start the day relaxed - I've been late once when there was a big accident on the main A road through my town but the two other women who live in my town were also late due to that so no-one got into trouble.
I had got into the habit of reminding, cajoling and even waking DH up to get him to where he needed to be on time. As well as getting myself and DD ready, getting DD to her appointments,shopping for and feeding us all, getting the cat fed, litter changed etc reminding DH to do the two housework jobs he has to do (clean the bathroom once a week (not the toilet as I do that everyday, just the bath and sink) and mop the kitchen floor once a week), reminding him to text his family to see DD. It was like having a teenager and a toddler at the same time.
In June I went to the doctors as I've not been feeling well; my blood pressure is through the roof, my heartrate is consistently high, and I've been suffering with headaches. The doctor has sent me for further testing but is 90% sure I'm doing too much and need to slow down.
So I stopped, stop reminding DH to do anything, told him I'm ask him once a week to text his mum to ask if she wants DD, and if he forgets or doesn't do it and she doesn't ask him then she won't see DD. I stopped getting him up, stopped doing things for him, and would just leave his meal in the microwave to heat up later if he wanted it, of course I still remind about housework as that affects us all. And I actually feel better since doing it.
And MILs shouted at me on Sunday as she hasn't seen DD since before my doctors appointment in June as DH says he'll text her later and forgets. He's been late for work 2-3 times a week since I stopped, and has not attended a single appointment of DDs as I give him the letters but don't remind him anymore so he can rearrange he schedule so he can attend.
MIL says that being married is like this and I need to do more for DH, she says I should of realised that men never grow up. She said it's my job not hers or DHs to make sure DD sees both sets of grandparents she sees my mum a few times a month as my mum will contact me and offer to have DD for a couple of hours for me. I also speak to my mum at least once a week. I also need to remember that DH works and his home life should be as stress free as possible. Apparently if I can't manage everything I should quit work (I work to cover nursery fees plus a tiny bit of spending money that's it - I also work for my own sanity as a life spent ferrying a child back and forth to hospital is boring, time consuming and means I don't have many friends plus her hip condition means we have to be careful what groups I take her too as if she hurts herself she can end up at A+E) and keep DD at home with me.
I'm just wondering whether IABU? And I do need to start doing things for DH again?