Or is exH? Childcare and maintenance.

[JParkson]

Ok this has probably been done to death but I'm struggling to understand who is right and who isn't.. ..

Ex H and I have full shared arrangement of our 3 children. 50/50. I have them Monday Tuesday, he has them weds and Thurs, then we alternate weekends.

I used to pay for 100% of the childcare and nearly beggared myself doing so as I was earning half of what exH does. ExH paid a pittance such is maintenance and said that was all he was going to give me. If I wanted him to cover the childcare for his days then he'd stop paying maintenance.

In the end something had to give. I agreed.

His reasoning is that if he pays me maintenance then that covers all childcare costs even if the children go to a minder on the days where he is lead contact for parental issues (i.e. the nights where the children stay with him, he's responsible for them, so any problems at school, he gets the phonecall not me).

Whereas the way I see it is that those days he is demanding 100% responsibility for the children and this includes arranging and thus paying for any childcare as appropriate.

My reasoning is also that maintenance is payable - he's receiving a discount for having them half the week, so from my conversations with CMA and also calculations on the government website, he does have to pay. He says not.

Who is right?

This shared care isn't really in dcs best interests is it because its acrimonious
I think he is unreasonable

Sorry just caught up on the thread - spousal maintenance?! I've never heard of that one.

Yes I do claim CTC and CB. For what it's worth. Still leaves a heck of a deficit though.

With regards to stopping being his wife I'm better than I used to be. Not perfect though.

I always thought that 50:50 meant no maintenance but if you go on to the CMS calculator then it still calculates a rate on 50:50??????
This happened to my EX, when he split up with the OW - she wanted 50:50 then the monies for effctively no ONs - ha ha - she had a wake up call.

Sorry OP, you are doing 50:50 - he owes you nothing - he pays for stuff on his time and you pay on your time. His extra salary is irrelevant -it is his to spend on his kids. He pays for his child care costs.

you can not have 50:50, him pay for his childcare and provide what he wants on his time and in his house and then pay yo maintenance on top.

You need to stop enabling him to continue to abuse your goodwill.Here speaks the person whose EX pays me less of his salary for our 2DCs, than he does to his second Ex for their one DC - whom he has more than he does mine - all on the basis that I earn more than second EX and she threatens to take away access at the drop of a hat - oh and he knows I will bend over backwards to enable contact between all the siblings and him!!!!!

OP you have my sympathies. He wants 50/50 but expects your and your job to accommodate anything happening with the DC. if they are ill on his day, he should be the one to take time off work. Particularly if he is not paying you maintenance - which means you need to be able to work and support the DC.

Can you detach detach detach? There is no point arguing with him - he will never see your side. Be businesslike about who has DC when. I know it's very hard, but if you can find a way to accept that you will always do more of the emotional care of the DC (inc making sure they go to parties etc), it might make things easier for you in the long run as you aren't expecting him to step up.

Don't cancel work or run around trying to find alternatives if he has not booked childcare in his time. It might be worth sending an email at the beginning of term two setting out who has the DC on any INSET and school holiday dates - then leave him to it.

well if your claiming the CB and CTC i really dont see what your gripe is',and you want maintanance for 50/50 care

I think there's a confusion between whether maintenance should be paid in principle as opposed to according to the CMS.

Phrases like you have been getting a remarkably good deal without having any clue about their income and their joint finances when they were together aren't fair.

I think opinions can be given about what maintenance CMS would require but in many cases that's got little to do with what is right.

stand firm and when its his turn dont remind him of social events etc,he will never conform if your doing it for him,you will have to tough that one out