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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about immunisation nurse.

118 replies

LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 11:58

My dd had her HPV vaccination today. I'm all fairness she is a big wuss and finds the whole thing too much.

She was very scared and kept pulling her arm away and was crying. The nurse was not sympathetic at all. Fine! I was actually quite firm with dd mostly because there were smaller children in the same room and I didn't want her upsetting them.

This is my issue "if you don't have this you might get cervical cancer and if you do they will put a big probe inside you and burn it away" I mean was that really necessary??

Then after the jab dd became faint and she pushed her head down on her knees so hard that she nearly hit her head. Twice she did this and told dd off for sitting back up. In the end she had to lay down on the floor as she was about to pass out.

Now I'm the first to admit that dd doesn't handle this sort of thing well. Which is weird because she is a real toughie if she hurts herself. So yes actually do please be firm to get the job done but then fucking acknowledge she was brave and be kind.

It's the comment that has upset me. I know only too well how important this is as uve had that horrendous treatment she spoke of. Now I'm worried dd won't have the booster.

I should complain shouldn't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 19:55

She missed it at school due to clerical error

OP posts:
Overreaction1 · 23/10/2017 19:59

Op there's always the option to email again and say although you aren't full of praise for the nurse, you feel you may have overreacted because you were wound up and upset seeing your daughter upset. People get like that about their children. If that is how you feel thinking about it now. Just a thought.

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 20:02

Firstly I wasn't expecting this set up. And as I keep repeating she was right to be firm - why dont people read!

It was the horror story she told dd. I've had that treatment and yes it's unpleasant but not anywhere as grim as this woman made out.

Then the rough treatment afterwards.

Yes she was scared and reticent but she finally agreed and a "well done"might have been nice.

Shame on me? Really?? Wow

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 20:03

No I feel even more inclined actually. The nurse behaved appallingly and made it worse

OP posts:
itaintwhatyoudo · 23/10/2017 20:04

I can see why you're upset and can also see how it happened.
Busy clinic, lots of vaccinations to get through, the nurse probably wasn't expecting your DD's reaction and was short with her.

She doesn't sound kind but DD does sound like she made a drama.

How would you like the nurse to have handled it?

BiglyBadgers · 23/10/2017 20:05

Just because the parent it there doesn't mean the nurse is not expected to act with compassion to the child. The op is not asking for special treatment just a bit of basic decency.

And no the nurse should not and will not get fired. However I would expect her manager to review some strategies for better supporting children with needle phobias. I am sure it is not an unusual thing for her to come across in her role and a bit of a review of ways of dealing with it seems like it might be helpful.

AnUtterIdiot · 23/10/2017 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Overreaction1 · 23/10/2017 20:17

So if you get cervical cancer you can have to have cells burned away this is correct?
If you have the vaccine you are much less likely to get cervical cancer and therefore need this treatment which sounds an awful but necessary treatment for an awful condition?
So the nurse was telling the truth. What would you rather she said there there you are scared so we won't bother. It sounds like it was a tactic to get your dd to just get on with it. She could have just thought hmm I'm not going to push this vaccine As this teenager is being difficult and avoid the teenage tantrum. She could have just said ok we won't do it if your not ready rebook for another day and passed the problem back to you/the next nurse. Which thanks to your complaint she might end up doing in the future to avoid another complaint. Then the child won't get their vaccine that day and will be more upset when they have to go back a second time.
The reality is it's nothing to be scared of so why pander to her.
Or if the nurse treat her like a baby then you'd probably be complaining it was over the top.
Also if she'd spend ages with the softly softly approach she could have then had loads of kids waiting with delays (as you didn't book a double appointment). Then complaints from their parents about the wait. While there is chaos in the waiting room.
Your dd does sound dramatic. Lots of teenage girls are. I Remember being one of them. But why feed into it.
You still don't explain why you knew she reacted so badly and didn't warn the surgery/clinic in advance. You know taking some reasonable parental responsibility.
Maybe the nurse didn't want to step on your toes with the comfort thing either.
The nurse couldn't win. As a parent you have to take some responsibility for this situation going badly.

BiglyBadgers · 23/10/2017 20:19

Exactly utter. I am fine with needles now (in fact I just had an injection half an hour ago). This is thanks to all the kind and sympathetic nurses who did not judge or intimidate me when I have had injections or blood tests in the past. They helped me break the connection in my mind between injections and pain that had been created as a child. The way that nurse acted will only serve to reinforce the negative perception the child has of needles. It really is not helpful for anyone.

ToadsforJustice · 23/10/2017 20:19

Is there any evidence yet that this vaccine has actually saved anyone from cervical cancer?

BiglyBadgers · 23/10/2017 20:24

You still don't explain why you knew she reacted so badly and didn't warn the surgery/clinic in advance. You know taking some reasonable parental responsibility.

She shouldn't have to warn them. I would expect any nurse who gives vaccinations to have ways of supporting people with needle phobias. Every nurse I have ever had an injection from has managed it perfectly well without any special warning being needed. This nurses reaction is very unusual in my experience and makes me wonder if she is new to the job and lacking in experience with more challenging patients.

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 20:26

She wasn't previously needle phobic. Her reaction surprised me.

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 20:29

Also where did I say she had a tantrum? You are making some massive jumps. Pulling her arm away was a reflex not a tantrum .She said she wanted the jab but she was scared.

OP posts:
user789653241 · 23/10/2017 20:40

Do people actually get it there are many younger children have to do this, like it or not? Those firm ones get it done. I am grateful they have guts to go through with it, when parents and children are freaking out.

TequilaLemonSalt · 23/10/2017 20:41

God, it takes nothing to be kind. I work in the NHS and always have - we're very busy, but it takes hardly any extra time for a kind word.

When I'm rushed off my feet on reception, and a patient comes in who's scared of blood tests, I take the time to assure them that our phlebotomist is brilliant and needle- phobic people have given excellent feedback.

When I worked frontline in MH, rushed off my feet (are you seeing a pattern?), I took care to comfort people and discuss their fears with them and celebrate their small achievements.

When I worked in dementia care, I was so chuffed for my residents who were suddenly terrified of seeing their families as they were so nervous about their memory going, and everything was so new and unknown to them - so they just wanted to stay in their room. And I made time in between the relentless paperwork to sit and talk about the good it brought in the end.

None of my colleagues would have acted this way to your DD, OP. You can still be extremely stretched for time, and be kind too. Please raise this. These wankers give the NHS a bad name. 99% of us care very much Flowers

Overreaction1 · 23/10/2017 20:44

Ok then dramatics.
You said in your first post that she generally doesn't handle things like this well. You said you had to hold her down for anasthetic.
So your her dm you know her best and from that you could predict she may find this difficult.
Booking a double appointment may have allowed the nurse extra time.
So as not to make the clinic run behind. If you are anxious at the dentist they generally give longer appointments if it's a real issue to explain things reassure you etc. Same principle.
From what you said the nurse didn't handle it brilliantly.
But your dd got her injection and the nurse didn't feed into worry, which re-enforces there is not anything to worry about. If you went for an injection and the nurse was ott making a fuss as if you'd had surgery you'd believe it was a big deal. Then work yourself up for the next one.
Well I can see your happy with yourself so I'm off. But my last word is I'm glad we have an NHS and nurses who vaccinate my son and other kids. If there's ever an occasion they are less than perfect as long as ds ends up with the healthcare he needs unlike children in deprived countries I will be happy with that.

lljkk · 23/10/2017 20:54

I would laugh at the nurse rather than get upset at her, for saying that. Even if my DD was a sensitive flower. The world wouldn't do her favours to always pander to it, would be my attitude, better to learn to laugh instead. I like to laugh at awful things like cancer treatment (how else do folk cope with awful things?).

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/10/2017 21:19

I would laugh at the nurse rather than get upset.

You're not a 12 year old little girl who has a needle phobia. Its got nothing to do with being a "precious flower'.
The ignorance and the me and mine are alright Jack attitude of some people never ceases to amaze.

Lifeisforliving25 · 23/10/2017 21:25

Jeez some of of you here about the time of a busy NHS nurse would of literally hated us today !

4 year old on blood clot injections and also need bloods done !

Each injection daily is taking 2 nurses, healthcare assistant and a play therapist and on averaging on at least 35 minutes.
They are kind, considerate and make her feel special even afterwards helping her calm her down with a certificate sticker and a hug.

.... yesterday bloods - 2 doctors 2 nurses nearly an hour !!!
Again all very kind respectful and calm with her followed by complete praise including a surgeon who wasn't even apart of the set up coming over to make her a balloon elephant out of a glove.

Daughter hates hates needles and she screams punches , turns in to the hulk and has kicked a doctor in the head to !

Still nothing but politeness respect and understanding from all team members

gillybeanz · 23/10/2017 21:30

I think you should report the nurse for saying what she did about cancer, that would frighten anyone.
However, I agree with others your dd needs to toughen up a bit, they'd all be like this if we allowed it.

lljkk · 23/10/2017 21:33

According to the OP, the DD only became needle phobic on this day, as a result of the nurse's blunt words. The words have made her afraid of all jabs. That's a pretty sensitive kid.

I go into minor shock (fainting, tunnel vision, blood pressure weirdness, etc) if I have to give blood. By giving blood I mean giving a mere blood sample (like in pregnancy, or for the Breakthru Generations Study). I suppose that's a form of needle phobia. I wouldn't mind in slightest someone joking about me doing that. I guess I'd mind if I was drop-booted out the door when I couldn't walk.

BiglyBadgers · 23/10/2017 21:37

To those saying there is not enough time to be nice, if the nurse had shown a bit of kindness and used a sensible strategy to help out would undoubtedly saved her a lot of time and faffing. It is far quicker to say "I can see you're a bit scared, so we'll get this done really quickly for you" and then distracted the girl with questions about school or books or whatever than to deal with her scared and on the floor.

As have said I suffered from a genuine crying, shaking, horrible phobia of needles and the nurses who used empathy and distraction got the job done the quickest. I had one who got me to recite my timetables, which was so successful I used it for years. You don't stop someone being scared by telling them something else scary. That's just not how it works and will only slow everything down.

StarUtopia · 23/10/2017 21:41

Is there any evidence yet that this vaccine has actually saved anyone from cervical cancer?

No, but there's plenty of evidence that this isn't a particularly safe vaccine, nor is it particularly effective. It may protect you from cervical cancer. It's certainly NOT a given.

Given your daughter's age, I would have said it sounds like she didn't want it and maybe you should have respected her decision?

Did you do any research together?

TheFirstMrsDV · 24/10/2017 08:23

Can't believe people are defending the nurse let alone trying to guilt the OP into not complaining.
Paperwork? Oh dear, lets never challenge any professional incase it leads to form filling Hmm

I am not surprised you are upset. It was a stupid thing to say.
If that is her best tactic she could do with some training asap.

I have huge respect for nurses but they are not, and should not be, untouchable angels.