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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about immunisation nurse.

118 replies

LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 11:58

My dd had her HPV vaccination today. I'm all fairness she is a big wuss and finds the whole thing too much.

She was very scared and kept pulling her arm away and was crying. The nurse was not sympathetic at all. Fine! I was actually quite firm with dd mostly because there were smaller children in the same room and I didn't want her upsetting them.

This is my issue "if you don't have this you might get cervical cancer and if you do they will put a big probe inside you and burn it away" I mean was that really necessary??

Then after the jab dd became faint and she pushed her head down on her knees so hard that she nearly hit her head. Twice she did this and told dd off for sitting back up. In the end she had to lay down on the floor as she was about to pass out.

Now I'm the first to admit that dd doesn't handle this sort of thing well. Which is weird because she is a real toughie if she hurts herself. So yes actually do please be firm to get the job done but then fucking acknowledge she was brave and be kind.

It's the comment that has upset me. I know only too well how important this is as uve had that horrendous treatment she spoke of. Now I'm worried dd won't have the booster.

I should complain shouldn't I?

OP posts:
snorkmaiden68 · 23/10/2017 14:36

yanbu that sounds absolutely awful and traumatic and a terrible way to speak to any teenage girl! I would be fuming. Presumably this nurse should have some empathy with phobic patients? Sounds as if she was rushing and annoyed that your DD was holding things up! I am 49 and phobic about the dentist but I can go now thanks to being treated kindly during a recent emergency (abscess). I didn't go for years due to unsympathetic treatment as a teen so it should be taken seriously and complained about

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 17:38

The worse thing about today is having to sit through Lego ninjago movie to compensate Angry

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 23/10/2017 18:19

Lem your dd should still have been able to have her vaccination in private. If there are any more - given her reaction this time - then maybe you can insist that she does.

TabbyMumz · 23/10/2017 18:25

How old is your daughter? Isn't this the injection they give teenagers?

ToadsforJustice · 23/10/2017 18:28

There was no need for the nurse to be so unkind.

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 18:37

My dd is 12. She is very sensitive and possibly on the autistic spectrum. But anyone can be needle phobic. I'm not but my dp is and would need to lie down too.

OP posts:
user789653241 · 23/10/2017 18:40

My ds was held down by 3 nurses and one doctor to take blood every day, for 2 weeks when he was 3. He was screaming and shouting to get away. He had bruises because he was held so hard.
They need to get it done. Yes, I think nurse could have been kind, but they don't have to time to spend extra time comforting each child until they can cooperate, imo.

inlectorecumbit · 23/10/2017 18:43

The nurse's comment was totally inappropriate however l have to agree to some extent with 2rebecca.
If your DD pulled her arm away more than once the nurse should have stopped any further attempt and left vaccination for another day.

disahsterdahling · 23/10/2017 18:44

There's a limit to how much sympathy a nurse will feel for a teenager making a fuss over a routine immunisation, they're dealing with many people far more deserving of sympathy

Really?

So should dentists not modify their approach for nervous patients then?

I don't have a problem with needles (give blood etc) but some of you have had a serious empathy bypass. I can only hope that none of you are in professions where you have to deal with the public in a caring way.

TabbyMumz · 23/10/2017 18:47

Yes I think the nurse could have been kinder. Did she know she is possibly on the autistic spectrum? If not, she perhaps just needed to get the job done as soon as possible. Often nurses can be abrupt. They have perhaps looked after very seriously ill children who have to have all sorts of procedures done (including diabetics who have to inject themselves several time a day) and then sees your daughter acting this way over an injection. Did you tell her in advance she is needle phobic? If you had, they might have been able to do her at a more suitable time when there weren't other children waiting.

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 18:49

I haven't said I wanted softly softly to be fair and I too was doing the no nonsense route it was the comments that I'm angry about. And also how she was treated afterwards. I also have had to hold dd down for anaesthesia - horrible to do but necessary. Genuinely don't know how we'd go now though as she is too big for that.

I do get that it needs to be done but this nurses approach will now mean in 6 months time when she has it done again she will be petrified.

Yes she was a wuss but don't try and terrify her into it and don't be so forcefully pushing her bloody head down . Why not just say "ooh you've gone green stick your head between your legs and stay there til you feel better". My dd is a bit of a fainter and that isn't her fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 23/10/2017 18:55

This was the first injection since being wee so she couldn't remember. What actually started it was the nurse getting the plaster - dd had a minor burn recently. Stoic as anything until it was time for the dressing to come off and then hit the deck when we removed the dressing Hmm but yes she's needle phobic now thanks to thus nurse and her horror stories.

I've emailed the trust and will call them if they don't respond. I'm not being vindictive. But this nurse should not have said this to dd. To be fair she said that dd would need to have the next injection laying down in the clinic. There were toddler injections happening at the time and the last thing they needed was to see a big girl have a meltdown.

OP posts:
elfycat · 23/10/2017 18:57

I'd complain (and I'm a nurse). I'm needle phobic I'm ok on the non sharp end and being treated roughly in the past only reinforced it.

My flu jab last week was one of the best injections I've ever had and the pharmacist was lovely and calm. The two might just be related.

Also WTF on the treatment for cervical cancer? OK it is one of the treatment options. None of them are 'great'. But the HPV vaccine doesn't guarantee that you won't get cervical cancer at all. It works on the main culprit. So at some point in the future your DD might require this treatment and if she remembers what was said she'll be fucking terrified.

Complain. The nurse won't get any better without 'feedback'.

user789653241 · 23/10/2017 19:00

Tbh, I prefer firm nurses to softy one. Their job is to help people.
And I have seen lots of nurses over the years, firm ones are the one who are good at doing the job and very efficient without causing too much pain.
And my ds still needs blood test routinely, and he hate needles, and he has asd traits.

sparklyllama · 23/10/2017 19:03

Could she not have had some 'magic' (numbing) cream? and a Valium like I do

JamPasty · 23/10/2017 19:05

Notreallyarsed - you weren't abrupt at all, and I've learned something!

LEMtheoriginal - I'm sorry you've been through that treatment too - I hope you're ok.

Your poor daughter dealing with all this too - the nurse was awful. I'm a needle-phobic adult and I've never met a nurse who's not been sympathetic about that so you'd think they could muster some sympathy for a scared 12 year old! Would it help her to know that many people feel that way, and that feeling faint is also really common? She could probably refuse the plaster too if that is the bit that's bothering her.

newtlover · 23/10/2017 19:06

loads of issues here really-
injections should be given in private, if only to avoid kids seeing it done, and working themselves and each other up
consent- I really think your daughter was not consenting. I had a similar situation with a much older DD, who had agreed to have an injection but was needle phobic, even though she said to the nurse, yes I want it, she reflexively pulled her arm away each time, the nurse was unable to give the injection until she was literally poised, I said, 'OK, DD, do you want it,' DD says 'yes' between sobs, nurse immediately plunged it in, job done but not great for any of us and deffo not to be seen by others
then, there is the description of cervical cancer, a pedant would question whether any consent was valid given this was the 'information' given
then, the poor treatment of OP's DD afterwards.
Nurse may well have been in a hurry and almost certainly has dealt with far iller children and worse procedures, that is quite irrelevant.

Antisocialarsebadger · 23/10/2017 19:17

When he was a teenager my dh was given an injection after being a bit nervous about it. He was forced to have this by the nurse who told him to man up. 20 years down the line and he is severely severely needle phobic to the point where he is famous at our hospital. Until I met him I always thought needle phobia was just a matter of getting over it, but the damage done by this nurse has nearly cost him his life twice. I honestly don't think this can be underestimated. I would complain

user789653241 · 23/10/2017 19:22

If she was so nervous, I think OP should have spoken to someone and arrange it separately.

Overreaction1 · 23/10/2017 19:27

Ok there are a few things here that seem to me that the way the nurse behaved/what she said aren't ideal.
However -

As for posters saying she didn't consent. She was sat there at the appointment for her injection presumably with her sleeve rolled up. That sounds like consent to me.

Secondly your dd does sound like a drama queen. Maybe the nurse didn't want to feed into her dramatics. In reality needles although unpleasant aren't anything to be scared of. Cervical cancer is.

Thirdly the nurse probably was incredibly pushed for time and will have a difficult job. Not your fault but given that you know she can react badly in these situations you took no precaution to warn the surgery in advance and perhaps book a double appointment so she had extra time.

Also she is a nurse. You are thw mother. Why did the nurse have to say you are brave etc when her mother is their to do it for her. When I took my ds for his toddler immunisations i did the brave boy well done etc. I am his mother. The nurse is their for his health to immunise him and help prevent him from illness. And thank god there are nurses to immunise children.

Lastly the entitlement astounds me. Mothers in developing world would give half an arm I don't doubt for the childhood vaccinations in the uk. But you have complained about a probably very busy nhs nurse because she didn't pander to your teenage daughter. All your dd will learn from that experience is that she had a vaccination, she doesn't need to make a fuss as the nurse wouldn't pander to it. And she has survived it. Like she will survive her next vaccination. End of.
I'm with Rebecca. You are entirely unreasonable and took no responsibility yourself to make things easier for your needle phobic daughter. Hopefully her boss ignores you. What you you expect they sack her, staff are already leaving in droves!

BiglyBadgers · 23/10/2017 19:33

It's really not that hard to be a bit nice to kids who are scared during vaccinations. There are many reasons why someone may be needle phobic and telling them to man up or get on with it does not help at all.

I was terribly needle phobic what a teen after some grim medical experiences. I remember a lovely nurse who came down the line and spotted I was scared. She whisked me to the front and through so I didn't have the horror of anticipation and gave me a polo to chew while I had the injection. She was very no nonsense, but still managed to be thoughtful and considerate. I small bit of kindness I have remembered over 20 years later.

lljkk · 23/10/2017 19:39

Why were you present for your DD to have the jab, OP? Is she home-ed?

lljkk · 23/10/2017 19:45

The meningitis jab will be coming up, too, along with the HPV booster.
And shedloads of others if she ever wants to travel somewhere exotic or work in health professions.

Overreaction1 · 23/10/2017 19:46

Bigly - you were at school presumably your parent wasn't with you to calm you/make a fuss of you.
Ops daughter was there with her mother. I think it's a mothers role in. Situation like this if they think their child needs special treatment they should make it happen.

Dermymc · 23/10/2017 19:55

I'm fairness the nurse just explained the possible consequences of not having the jab.

I can't believe someone would complain about this.

Shame on you. I feel sorry for the nurse who will face all sorts of paperwork and investigations.