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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay her share?

87 replies

Helendee · 23/10/2017 09:27

My son's fiancée, with whom I have a lovely relationship, has suggested that we go halves in paying for him to go to the Grand Prix next year which I am fine with and said yes to.
She's now saying that she wants me pay half of the total costs so that includes half of her ticket too! I don't know what to say. I can't easily afford it but don't want to cause any upset.
What should I do?

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/10/2017 09:44

Agree with the others. Just say no you can't afford it. It's true.

Wonder why she suggested such an expensive present if she knew she couldn't afford to pay for herself (not much of a present if he goes by himself!)

knowwhereyourheadis · 23/10/2017 09:45

So basically, you'll be paying for your Sons entire day out, but she will get some of the credit, and all of the fun?

Tell her she needs to go for a cheaper option. It's not fair on you.

Dusktilldawn · 23/10/2017 09:46

How much are you talking?

blackteasplease · 23/10/2017 09:47

Maybe suggest you and your partner go too and she can pay half if the total cost for all four!

Or just say you can't afford it.

NinonDeLenclos · 23/10/2017 09:48

Absurd. She needs to find another present that's in her budget.

Original poster
Helendee · 23/10/2017 09:49

Dusk...

I think tickets are at least £150 each! I am not very assertive and don't like disappointing people 😕

OP posts:
NinonDeLenclos · 23/10/2017 09:50

"Terribly sorry I can't afford it, let's think of something else"

autumnkate · 23/10/2017 09:51

Do you buy her birthday/ Xmas presents? If you do why not make this tickets her present/s?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/10/2017 09:52

CF alert ! Wow, talk about gets more, wants more ...
Say "NO", that is all. 😮

Sparkletastic · 23/10/2017 09:52

Either she gets other friends and family to contribute or accepts that it is unaffordable. Tell her what you will contribute eg £75 and leave that decision to her.

2014newme · 23/10/2017 09:53

I think find a different present. She can't afford this unless you pay half for her ticket too (cf) and you aren't in a position to do that. Change of plan needed

Hissy · 23/10/2017 09:53

She can't afford her ticket, so she wants you to pay for her half and your son's half...

So YOU are paying for his birthday gift from her then?

She can't afford the gift she wants to get him + she can't afford her own ticket = she can't afford this gift

StepAwayFromGoogle · 23/10/2017 09:54

She is being cheeky, OP. Just say you are happy to pay for half of your son's ticket as you originally agreed. You can't easily afford to cover half her ticket too. She'll have to put it on credit card - or maybe her parents can pay for her to go?!

nobutreally · 23/10/2017 09:54

Ha, yes, that's a bit cheeky - and it's reasonable of you not to want to pay if that wasn't what was originally discussed. I think saying 'ah, sorry, I'd budgeted x as I thought it was only for ds, I'm afraid I don't have an extra x is an OK thing to say.

But, if you want to keep the peace, is it a Christmas/birthday present for your ds? Could you say you'll pay for her half as her Christmas/birthday present (even if very in advance) and then stick to it/don't get emotionally pressured into buying anything else

2014newme · 23/10/2017 09:54

Presumably she knows you ate a non assertive person who does not like to disappoint people and that's why she's tapping you up.
It's time to get assertive and decline her kind offer.

Serialweightwatcher · 23/10/2017 09:54

How cheeky - so she will probably tell him it's a present from her and you contributed Confused ... if you are able to, pay full for his ticket (I know it's the same difference, but then tell him that's your present to him and she can pay her own way)

DarkPeakScouter · 23/10/2017 09:55

Wow, that’s a bit more than I was expecting- time for plan B!
In other words, no. But bloody cheeky!

HooraySunshine · 23/10/2017 09:55

I agree with a previous poster, I would love to buy my DH lots of amazing, expensive things for his birthday but if I can't afford it then I can't afford it. I don't expect anyone else to pay for and especially not for DH AND me to go do something we can't afford.

I would say 'no'. Just tell her, 'sorry, I thought it was just him going, unfortunately I can't afford a whole ticket. Why don't we get him 'x' (affordable gift) instead?' She can't get mad at you for not buying 'them' a present and something she herself can't even afford.

I'm also thinking, you don't want to set a precedence for future, if they want something can't afford they expect you to pay. If you have the money and are happy to pay, then fine, that's your choice. But if you don't have the money then you don't have the money. She needs to be more realistic with her gift ideas.

KoalaD · 23/10/2017 09:56

Man, am I sick of the phrase 'cheeky fucker'. Can we come up with a new one? Anybody??

Just be polite but honest and say you can't really afford that much, you can only afford $XX.

No need for all this 'cf' silliness and ruining a good relationship with your DIL.

BlackPeppercorn · 23/10/2017 09:56

Or say that you will pay for your son's ticket, half the cost being his Xmas pres, half his birthday.
Then at Xmas make sure you tell your son that the present is a combi-one from you and luckily his fiancée has decided to tag along at her own expense.

SmileSunshine · 23/10/2017 09:56

Tell her the truth -you can't afford to pay any more - other bills, Christmas coming etc. There isn't much more to be argued with. She can get annoyed but you're just being honest.

Original poster
Helendee · 23/10/2017 09:57

Autumnkate

That is a really good idea, I will put it to her. Thank you.

OP posts:
autumnkate · 23/10/2017 09:58

You're welcome!

mapie · 23/10/2017 10:01

So what would she be buying him for his birthday if you pay for his whole cost? You may get along well with her but you have to say no to this one.

BewareOfDragons · 23/10/2017 10:04

Alternatively, suggest that she save up so she can do this for next year instead of this year, since she clearly can't afford it at the moment

Do something smaller this year