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Original poster

To think this wasn't right (would you be ok with it)

62 replies

Misspollyhadadollie · 22/10/2017 19:58

Me and ex were together and had 3 children. When my youngest was a few months old we broke up and I moved out (was his house he owned) anyway we were apart for a year and decided to give it another go, ex was reluctant for us to live together again and wanted to take things slow. Then it became apparent why. He had taken in a lodger, a female. He would tell me things like "she walks around in just a towel" made it clear that she fancied him. One time he was meant to come round and he just never showed up. Instead apparently he was drinking with her. She lived with him for about 6 months and then he told her it was time for her to leave and she kicked up one hell of a fuss which made me believe even more that something went on between them. Anyway things improved but I was very annoyed he has done that and told him so. Anyway I found out he had taken in another lodger. Again another woman. So I ended things. Anyway he keeps trying to get back together but I don't want to and he can't see why. Would you be ok with your partner living with another woman and seeing you and his kids at your house cause there's "no room" for us to go to there??

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 22/10/2017 21:38

Some tart Confused

Your ex is the issue here. Ditch.

C0untDucku1a · 22/10/2017 21:45

Dont get back with him. He is playing you

Flopjustwantscoffee · 22/10/2017 21:48

At the very least he sounds like a creeeeeepy landlord

blanklook · 22/10/2017 21:55

Kick him out of your life.

He's pathetic, trying to play games and make himself look as though women want him so much they will throw themselves at him.

Bottom line is, you've already said you don't want to get back together with him.

Stick to your decision, tell him to go away and stay away. Find somewhere else for him to have contact with the children away from your house.

Remove him from your life.

expatinscotland · 22/10/2017 21:56

Get him out of your life. End it once and for all.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 22/10/2017 22:12

I agree she can walk around in a towel however what I didn't get was why he told me?? Why did he want me to know? It's either to make me jealous or paranoid or both.

OP posts:
DaisysStew · 22/10/2017 22:17

He mentioned it because he's an arsehole.

And refusing to let his own children move back into the family home in favour of keeping his lodger? Even bigger arsehole.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 22/10/2017 22:21

I’m sorry? Am I missing something here? They’re his kids but he won’t have them over because he has a lodger so he has to go to yours?

He’s taking the piss.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 22/10/2017 22:21

He was meant to come to mine he told me he would be here at 10 he just never showed up. No call no text nothing. I left him to it as pretty pissed off. I kept checking my phone for messages from him and nothing. When I woke up he was in the house (he must have came early in the morning and let himself in with the key) when I confronted him he said he had stayed at his house drinking with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 22/10/2017 22:22

Yeh when I asked him to have them over night he would tell me there was no room.

OP posts:
Neverknowing · 22/10/2017 22:25

Cake and eating it.
He wants to be with you and see the kids while having a child free home and fucking some side piece. Don’t be with him, make sure he has the kids overnight sometimes you give you a break. Fuck his ‘needing space’ he NEEDS to look after his children, they’re his main responsibility. You don’t get to just stop having your children.

Neverknowing · 22/10/2017 22:28

Also, make sure you’re claiming maintenance.
He’s an arse. Take away his key to your house, you have the right to be secure in your home without him letting himself in. I wonder how angry he would be if you let yourself into his home?
He’s acting single while keeping you on his hook. Gross.

StaplesCorner · 22/10/2017 22:42

What's your confusion or hesitation here OP? You're being played. Walk away from it; clearly your initial decision to leave was the right one.

Is he paying maintenance, looking after the kids etc?

cluelessnewmum · 22/10/2017 22:42

The main thing is unreasonable is that you and your joint children are for some reason not allowed over because of the lodger. He is the landlord so he can set the terms and any lodger should understand that his kids and maybe their mother will be there regularly. Does he have the kids over without you? There should be regular contact set up at his house with them regardless of whether you're together.

He needs to get his act together as a father rather than focusing on the habits of his lodger.

But as pp have said he's clearly trying to get a jealous reaction from you, don't give him the satisfaction of giving it to him.

Set up clear, regular visitation with kids at his bloody house, ensure he is paying what he should financially and only then if he can start acting like a decent father and human being contemplate a relationship with him.

LadyLapsang · 22/10/2017 23:00

If you had been married he would have been the one moving out and you would have been staying in the marital home with the children. If you don't know where you are with him, how much harm is this doing to the children?

moofolk · 22/10/2017 23:08

If he gave a shit, you and the kids would be in the house and he would have been the one to move out. It doesn't matter if it was his house - they're his kids.

squishysquirmy · 22/10/2017 23:15

"At the very least he sounds like a creeeeeepy landlord"

This.

I wouldn't neccessarily have a problem with a partner living with female lodgers/house mates. But what you have described is incredibly suspicious - the secrets, the "bragging", and the "she came onto me" stuff which sounds like him getting his side of the story in early just in case.

Run a mile!

Have you seen how he advertised for his lodgers? Just in case he is being even creepier than he already sounds.....

squishysquirmy · 22/10/2017 23:17

And top of everything he doesn't sound like he's making nearly enough effort as a father

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 22/10/2017 23:19

I think it was best for me to move as it was his area like I said he lives 2 hours from me so I moved to live with him and when we broke up I moved back to where I use to live and my family and friends live. He's not a great dad tbh no another of the reasons we broke up. Only sees them when he feels like it and won't take them to his house. But he keeps texting me saying he wants me back he misses me. He loves me all of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 22/10/2017 23:20

Through Gumtree apparently

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/10/2017 23:21

Stop engaging with him

You don't have to resond to that shit

He's a head fucker. Leave him to his sad little fantasies

squishysquirmy · 22/10/2017 23:26

Did you see the actual wording of the gumtree advert?

Most gumtree adverts for lodgers are normal and above board, but there are some really creepy ones on there too sometimes - eg asks for female lodger only, suspiciously cheap rent, with it heavily implied that the rent will be made up some other way.....

tillytown · 22/10/2017 23:26

Take away his key, he doesn't need one. If he wants to come round, he can ask.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 22/10/2017 23:29

No I didn't see the ad but that wouldn't surprise me if he asked for female only tbh. When I asked why he moved a female in he said he wanted someone who would clean Confused

OP posts:
Neverknowing · 22/10/2017 23:45

He said he wanted someone who would clean
Why would you want to be with this man? He’s a head fuck and misogynistic and an arsehole! He doesn’t even treat your kids well.** He’s no redeeming qualities does he? Good luck moving forward without this man op, your life will be much better I promise you!

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