To not keep this secret anymore (DV related)

[teentraumas]

About 6 months ago we were on our way out to dinner with good friends (who also are our neighbours). They were arguing in the back and he punched her. Lost the plot completely. Anyway, after an evening of sorting out she was safe but still wanting to be with him and some conversations about it she went home but not until she had told us the extent of the abuse. He does not know that we know the extent of everything. Dh and I decided actually that the friendship was never going to recover and we didn’t want to be friends particularly with him. We have gone on the last few months with just courteous hellos on the drive only. We have not told anyone
Fast forward to this week and our neighbour is being an arse and has clearly told their family a different reason as to why our friendship ended and we are being blanked and they are playing the victim. I am probably Abu , but I feel I want to tell people the real reason we are no longer friends
AIBU?

Originally you called them good friends ... were they or weren’t they? And if they were why didn’t you stay friends with her ??? 😳

So this person opened up about dv and you stopped socialising with them?
It's generally not contagious. I understand you feel he's a shit but to remove an ear from someone in need is beyond shit but happens. Poor woman. Alienated and ostracised.

The friend didn't just open up about DV. It's not an embarrassing little secret she confided. The OP saw it.

Genuinely bemused at the vivtim balming here

... so bemused I can't type straight

Victim blaming

^ I meant she told them the details about the extent. To lots of people experiencing dv it probably feels like a secret.
It's not up to you to tell people op the reason they are splitting up. It's not juicy gossip to pass on ffs.

Of COURSE they told people a different reason! Did you seriously expect them to go around telling everyone that he punched her and that’s why you righteously stopped being friends with them?

I totally get why you would distance yourself from the situation, I think that’s a fairly understandable reaction (although ideally it would have been nice if you could have continued to offer her support somehow). But to now consider ‘outing’ them solely to make yourselves look good is appalling.

icelolly

Sorry. I wasn't meaning to criticise you. I just mean that I can't understand why the OP and her husband never did anything at the time (and also why she can't seem to understand why what appears to be a choice by the woman is actuaaly control exerted by her husband)

Jesus, I meant why your friendship has kind of split, I'm tired apologies for my faffing about.
Could be worse, I could stop bring friends with a woman suffering an abusive marriage.

Icelolly the couple in question are not splitting up though , she went back to him after he punched her that night and after she confided to OP the extent of the DV . They have decided to blank OP and her husband , well to be fair the neighbours husband has decided and the wife has probably gone along with it to avoid another punch

Out of interest OP do your neighbours have cctv ? only asking because someone I know who was a victim of DV had this and it made it almost impossible for her to lead a normal life , if she wasn't where she should be at the correct time , she got interrogated to within an inch of her life , if she had forgotten her purse and nipped home in her lunch hour , all hell would break loose . He would monitor it on his phone .