Colleague keeps telling me I’m ‘next to have a baby’

[Pearlsofmadness]

AIBU to find this annoying?

I was married in July and, since then, people keep telling me I’ll be pregnant soon/I’ll have a baby by this time next year. A few of my friends are pregnant or have just had children so they naturally think I’m ‘next’.

It wouldn’t bother me so much if it was just family and friends saying this, but a particular work colleague brings it up at least 3 or 4 times a week.
The truth is, I’m not ready for children yet. I would like them eventually but, even then, I am fully aware that it is not a straightforward process. What if I can’t even have a baby?
AIBU to be feeling increasingly annoyed at this work colleague? I feel like it’s quite insensitive of him to keep mentioning it all the time when I’ve clearly said ‘I am not planning to have a baby yet.’ I feel like telling them to shove off and mind their own business.

ElsieMc Why did your DD's partner think it appropriate to for him to call her HR? Surely, normal people just ask their OH for their company's policies? Sounds weird to me, maybe even a little controlling.

OP, I hated being asked this sort of thing. I was once asked if I was planning a baby, and turned round to ask if they were asking about my sex life. Most people don't think about the sex when asking if you're going to have babies, it seems to be somehow disconnected in their heads. But bringing it into their face like that seems to shut people up.

I'd tell him it's rude to keep asking or making those kind of comments. If he didn't listen, I'd ask the boss to have a word.
Being me though, I'd probably snap at him one day, and not put it very diplomatically.

In front of other people, you need to say something like
‘ I’m going to say this once and once only, stop asking me when I’m going to have a baby. It’s offensive, rude, sexist and none of your business. ‘

If he keeps going after that, HR for a word and see what they say.

When you said about going to HR, that's probably better than emailing an article. More professional. Also it focuses on the behaviour not feelings.

Or quip about having plenty of practice, that might embarrass him sufficiently

Yeah, say 'we haven't had sex yet.' Brilliant.

Totally inappropriate, make a firm comment such as Piff's suggestion.

Reminds me of a friend's DM who, at their wedding, said loudly to her DS & new DIL 'you have two years to make me a Grandmother'.

Twenty years later she is still waiting, they are happily childfree by choice .

I just assumed it was a woman when I read the op (funny how we do that (or I do) and I'm trying not to make such assumptions)

For a man I'd be tempted to give other unsolicited uterus updates when he asks. Make him uncomfortable with period chat.

But yeah it sucks. Asking that much is beyond uncool.

Some people just don't think, though. Even I have to remind myself not to ever mention such things, and I'm usually pretty right on and not all that into babies.

I was lucky to escape it myself, partly by not getting married.

I had a manager who joked every time I said I was hot about me going through “the change”. I was 38!!

Really really pissed me off.

Laughing at ‘We haven’t had sexual yet.’ Might try that if it still doesn’t sink in.

Not so much sexist as sexual harassment - as he keeps going on & on with unsolicited attention & comments about a condition that is inextricably linked to your sex.

Not so much as misplaced kindness as undemining your professional credibility - as you'll soon be off on maternity etc.

A quiet dignified word with the little pip to let him know that his comments & behaviours are inappropriate, & if he so much as squeeks on any related subject, the next meeting will be with HR on grounds of grievance. Make notes of mtg, send to self.

Another approach might be to saunter past his desk each day to let him know when you are menstruating or maybe hoist a red flag on your desk, as he is so interested...

Choices, choices etc .

Jus' sayin'

Sorry, but as others have said, just ignore it. Its obvious he is just being friendly. Whats the big deal.

Sorry, but as others have said, just ignore it. Its obvious he is just being friendly. Whats the big deal.

Have you read the thread user? Did you miss those of us who have been through infertility and miscarriage saying how horrible it is to be asked that question? There's no need to ask someone about their future plans for children. It's personal.

I don't buy the just being friendly idea. This chap has already been told OP isn't planning to have one any time soon, yet he still raises it 3-4 times a week.

And there are many other more sensible subjects this guy could choose if he wanted to be friendly.

I never understand the mentality of people who think they have the right to comment on this.

It us sooo insensitive and crass.

I had this with a colleague years ago, when I worked at a large hospital (Male, married with 2 boys of his own). After a while I told him loudly, and in front of a busy room full of other staff, that I had recently had a consultation with and he had told me that, in his professional opinion, the chances of me conceiving were around 1,000:1 against, so would he PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ME HAVING BLOODY BABIES .... !! (Capitals to denote raised voice). This followed by me flouncing out of the room leaving everyone present in embarrassed silence.

(I never told him that said gynae had said this after I had myself sterilised .... but that was none of his business. It worked and he never asked again).

“Well, I’m on the pill at the moment but if I miss one I’ll be sure to let you know.”

Take him aside, tell him quietly but firmly that such remarks are inappropriate - however well he may think he means - and must stop. Or you will involve HR. And add that some women would not have warned him. And then add and now let’s say no more about it.

Also 'Are you one of those men with a pregnancy fetish or something?' might work.

Have the same situation with a colleague who’s also a close friend. Have tried asking him to stop nicely, jokingly, mock threateningly but it continues. Tedious. Really don’t know what to try next

L238: HR now. He was a close friend.

For years past now my line has been one Congratulations, when is ETA?” and at some point, perhaps, one How’s it going?^ and no more. I hope that that is acceptable.

Do men do this to each other I wonder? Do they see a colleague or friend that’s newly married and start hassling them about when they’re going to have kids? I doubt it. It’s extremely sexist. For all they know you could be struggling to conceive or just have suffered a miscarriage.

Well Pinkvoid since you ask: when I was married but before DS there was a chap who used to ask me when we were planning to “make a complete family”. I just said “when we are ready” - which is the same answer I gave to the female colleague who asked similar questions.

Don’t get me started about both ILs on the same subject. They have left me determined never to treat DS like that - however much I wish he would settle down and make me a GF!

I would be extremely irritated if a colleague or acquaintance kept asking when I was planning to have children. It's annoying enough to be asked even once. The fact that he is a naive male colleague does make me wonder if he is assuming that you will leave or go part time if you have a child and that he will be promoted as a consequence- a friend of mine experienced this.