Colleague keeps telling me I’m ‘next to have a baby’

[Pearlsofmadness]

AIBU to find this annoying?

I was married in July and, since then, people keep telling me I’ll be pregnant soon/I’ll have a baby by this time next year. A few of my friends are pregnant or have just had children so they naturally think I’m ‘next’.

It wouldn’t bother me so much if it was just family and friends saying this, but a particular work colleague brings it up at least 3 or 4 times a week.
The truth is, I’m not ready for children yet. I would like them eventually but, even then, I am fully aware that it is not a straightforward process. What if I can’t even have a baby?
AIBU to be feeling increasingly annoyed at this work colleague? I feel like it’s quite insensitive of him to keep mentioning it all the time when I’ve clearly said ‘I am not planning to have a baby yet.’ I feel like telling them to shove off and mind their own business.

Phoenix That must have been really annoying. I’m glad I’m not the only one but it’s sad that it’s so common.

Nah. Work colleagues come out with bonkers shit all the time. It's annoying though.

After a LONG week, this Friday I had these 2 gems from fellow a colleague.

1. ''Why aren't you married? After nearly 20yrs it would be the 'proper' thing to do.

1. (After finally closing down my computer I announced I was most definitely going home to crack a bottle of wine open and have a long bath) ''Are you a heavy drinker then?''

Why yes Carol. A bottle of wine on a Friday and no wedding band makes me a right degenerate.

Koala wishing you all the best with your pregnancy

Thanks pearls

That is fucking disgusting, and I have to say, I had EXACTLY this same thing back in the 1990's. I bet they don't say it to your husband eh?

It's so rude and insulting. I mean, what if you don't want them, or can't have them?

Say to this person next time 'what the hell has it got to do with you when I have a baby? Or IF I have one?'

I would suspect a hidden agenda. By mentioning it so often he could be aiming to make people think you are about to go on mat leave and / or are less serious about your career, leaving the cost clear for him to advance.

coast clear

I’ve just done a quick google sar ha nd found this article:

www.google.co.uk/amp/metro.co.uk/2016/11/16/can-we-just-fing-stop-asking-couples-when-theyre-going-to-have-a-baby-6260332/amp/

Think I’ll email it to him tomorrow.

• search and

Next time he mentions it ask him if he's hoping for your job if you go on maternity leave. Watch him squirm or just say every time "give it a rest".

I work in customer service in a trade where we get regular customers week in week out so we get pretty friendly and chatty. After 2 years of marriage we still hadn’t began ttc, we just both didn’t feel ready.

When a colleague could see me getting sick of answering the inevitable question with ‘not yet, one day’ and a big fake customer pleasing smile on my face she told me her response to the question of ‘no baby yet?’. Apparently her and her dh didn’t have their first child for 5 years after marriage and in those five years of someone really wouldn’t let it drop she responded with ‘no not yet, we don’t want a baby yet, but we’re have so much fun practicing the act of making one, we practice all the time’. She said it embarrassed people so much that they soon stopped asking Admittedly have no idea if it was true and I certainly wasn’t brave enough to use it myself but it sure made me smile to think of peoples faces if I were to say it.

'Do you really have no other topic of conversation? Are you worried about your sperm count or something?'

OK, I would start by saying to him ; It isn't actually anything to do with you so stop asking me about it. I find it annoying.'

That's really weird my sister got married 6 years ago she is only having her first baby due at the end of the year she like you just wasn't ready till now.

It baffles me why people think they can comment on stuff like this what if you had been trying before you go married and nothing was happening do people not realise how painful that would be esp 3-4 times a week, you don't know anyone's personal story so don't comment is my motto.

I also have a couple of friends who are married and never want children each to their own.

I've been here before with colleagues.

I now take a deep breath and quiet, non aggressive voice

Colleague you've asked me this every week since I got married and I'm asking you now not to. It isn't an appropriate question, I might be suffering infertility or miscarriage. I'm lucky that I'm not, but you didn't know that. I'm not saying you're deliberately being upsetting, but I am asking you to stop, ok?

I've done this twice, one was met with an eye roll and a 'god you're so sensitive' and one was met with chagrin and a genuine apology. But in both cases the questions stopped.

I think a quick ‘Jane, you seem very interested in the goings-on of other women’s private parts. May I suggest you refrain as a midwife? As this conversation is highly inappropriate for any professional setting.’ And then just ignore her comments.

retrain not refrain!

Tell him that the plan to have a baby and when is a decision that will be made by you and your husband, not him.

I had the exact same thing after I got married. Unsurprisingly, no one at my husband’s work said the same to him.

Aside from the fact it’s sexist and fucking annoying, it’s potentially v insensitive. How does the person saying it know that you’re not struggling with infertility?!

Tell him your DH had his cock blown off whilst serving in the SAS, for which he received the Victoria Cross, so babies aren't on the cards anytime soon. That should do it.

God my poor dd2 has this weekly as she sits in a room with a group of middle aged men. She was fuming this week. Turns out her partner had rung HR to see what the score was with paternity rights and how much she would get on maternity leave. He makes spreadsheets for everything.

Next time he asks, ask him: “why do you think you’ve never had children? Are you looking for a relationship or don’t you feel able to connect to others? Is it intimacy problems, or....?”

And get increasingly more intrusive until he STFU.

Although your idea of telling him you’ll go to HR if he doesn’t stop is probably better!

I'd set up a 1:1 meeting with him and just tell him calmly but plainly that whilst he may see it entirely as an innocent comment, you find it incredibly annoying and intrusive because someone else's decision to have a baby is their decision and a private matter. You might also educate him on the wider issues that some couples suffer from repeated miscarriages or have issues actually getting pregnant and his comments could be extremely hurtful to them. It is also sexist to assume that just because a woman has got married, she will automatically want to become pregnant within 12 months! This way he can have no issue with you 'embarrassing him in front of his colleagues'.

It's just small talk. Just ignore it.

FWIW, I am openly childfree by choice yet my colleagues are always going on about me having a baby. It's stuff people say to pass the time.

I've been married ten years. No babies. I've heard every comment at this stage.

I usually just say "what makes you say that X?". It stops them in their tracks.

Another that works really well is just to calmly say "why are you so interested in my sex life?".