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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find adulthood impossible

31 replies

Wanttobeokay · 21/10/2017 22:56

Really overwhelmed and tired today.

I am a shit employee but disability benefits have stopped so I'm at new job come Monday. Bricking it. They seem nice and it's so positive to actually have a job, I'm dreading the part where I can't keep up and get the sack.

I can talk the talk but not walk the walk. You'd think I was fairly normal to have a conversation with, but really it's like I'm 18 and floundering on the inside with so many parts of adult life.

I feltvpathetically happy earlier because I was thinking I'm in a good routine of eating well, lots of well planned nutritious meals which makes a massive difference to my health. Also on top of laundry and showering. Was thinking how I need to start a suitable exercise again and felt so deflated! I struggle so hard just to take basic care of myself how does everyone else cope so well?

I have a stack of admin tasks I need to do and the thoughts of them stress me out. I feel like there's a bottleneck in my brain, so much crap bubbling away and hopeless at sifting it and prioritising. I get so tired and stressed by things other people are mature enough to take in their stride. If I see a bug for example a wood louse in the house I can deal with it but gag and can't eat for a couple of hours, which messes with my medication which needs to go with food.

Even wearing my fucking bra stresses me out ffs. I get so tired and shut down.

I have an appointment in December for an Aspergers assessment well it's not called that these days. I suppose if they think I have it - that would explain some of my problems, but if not there is hope I can train myself to be better at basic living?

Can anyone relate? Feel hopeless just now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wanttobeokay · 21/10/2017 22:59

In fact. Am I being selfish to take the job. I was sitting there hearing my voice say all the right things, but I know I'll struggle already. Is that fair on an employer? No. But I need to earn Sad

OP posts:
boomitscountginula · 21/10/2017 23:01

Go to work on Monday and know everything you are feeling is normal. They will expect you to be nervous!

The obviously think your capable, otherwise they wouldn't of offered you the job.

Congrats on getting a job xx

boomitscountginula · 21/10/2017 23:03

I am pretty sure they just expect you to only retain your bosses name and where the bogs are on your first day too xx

CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 21/10/2017 23:18

I get you op

Flowers
phoenix1973 · 21/10/2017 23:20

I feel the same way so i can sympathise. Its like youre going through the motions as its the done thing and you need money. But its like everyone is singing from a totally different hymn sheet and no matter how hard you try you never know the song.
Just do your best and good luck for monday x x

CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 21/10/2017 23:21

I literally am exactly like this, work wise. I’m self employed now, have been for years. Can’t cope working for and with others, I mess up, can’t take stuff in, don’t understand “systems”, completely unaware of office politics....the list goes on. Tbh I’ve lost count of the jobs I’ve been sacked from in my 20s

CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 21/10/2017 23:21

Should add I’m 37 now! And hope and pray I never have to get a “real” job again. I feel for you Op!!

lastlaugh · 21/10/2017 23:22

All the best for your interview. As said above, they wouldn't have invited you if they didn't think you could be the one for the job.

Life is busy and there is a lot to keep track of. Many people feel overwhelmed at times. I like working out how to do things by reading on Wikihow, ehow and sites like that. Mumsnet has good threads on organization although they tend to be frequented by a few people for whom organization is almost a hobby as well as the more normal types

CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 21/10/2017 23:23

Phoenix you sum up how I’ve always felt at work x

lastlaugh · 21/10/2017 23:25

All the best for your interview and, if it's any encouragement, there are loads of people in their twenties struggling with this stuff (er, and not just 20s)

lastlaugh · 21/10/2017 23:26

Or thirties....Who ever gets it all sussed anyway?

DJBaggySmallpox · 21/10/2017 23:27

Google Imposter Syndrome...most of us are winging it.
Good luck with your new job.

lastlaugh · 21/10/2017 23:28

Haven't hit 40 yet, but I haven't...

NameChanger22 · 21/10/2017 23:38

I relate to nearly everything you wrote.

Work is tough. I don't know if I'm a shit employee, but I do know my heart isn't in it. I do work really hard, but I don't really care about what I do enough or think its important. Horrible bosses can be really demoralising, and there are quite a few of those. Office politics can be really shit too.

I think life is too busy and stressful for most people. It's really hard to keep on track of a good diet and exercise plan when there's so much stressful stuff going on. You should find your feet with your new job first, and then try and sort this out. Just keep eating enough fruit and veg because this will give you more energy.

You're not selfish to take the job. Just do your best and don't expect to be perfect in the beginning. Don't be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake. Good luck. Life is tough, doesn't mean you shouldn't give it your best shot.

I also want to be self-employed, I'm working towards that, but my lack of confidence is holding me back.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 21/10/2017 23:39

Oh my god, are you me?

Also have pre assessment for aspergers soon.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 21/10/2017 23:40

I know EXACTLY how you feel

Original poster
Wanttobeokay · 22/10/2017 00:01

It's s relief some other people actually seem to understand. I'm surrounded by very high flyers. It's not that they have everything perfectly worked out or have perfect lives, that doesn't exist. However they are so so much better than me at careers and general living.

Some of them really look down on me. My landlady who I live with - she thinks I'm lazy and don't try enough. I explain aspects of my physical disability to her but not any of this other stuff. I resent even having to explain at all, it's like ah intrusion.

I have friends who just think I'm a bit shit and that hurts.

I need to fx myself. Become better. I'm so sorry that other people struggle too, but I have to admit I'm glad it's not just me.

Fuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wanttobeokay · 22/10/2017 00:03

I was self employed for a while but couldn't earn enough.

Even being self employed - you have to promise you can do something and deliver. There's still so much room to let people down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wanttobeokay · 22/10/2017 00:05

Because I don't have a good cv I got very small clients who didn't really know what they wanted. Paying peanuts. They wanted a general whizz kid full of energy and enthusiasm to make their business better and why shouldn't they? But I couldn't do that.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 22/10/2017 00:20

"I can talk the talk but not walk the walk. You'd think I was fairly normal to have a conversation with, but really it's like I'm 18 and floundering on the inside with so many parts of adult life. "

I'm 52, I have a teenage son, am boss of two people, well respected at work. But this is me.

ChristmasFluff · 22/10/2017 00:22

Ooops, what I mean is that I rationally know I am good at my job etc, but I think it is totally normal to feel you are a fake - you are not the only one. When you go to your job, keep reminding yourself that just like you have a 'workface' on, so does everyone else. xx

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 22/10/2017 00:27

I've had friends tell me I'm shit. My best friend did just that a year ago, and then went mental at me when I couldn't stop crying. Confirmed all the worst things I felt about myself.

She's a fucking narcissistic bitch though, so glad she's out of my life.

The constant masking is exhausting though, isn't it.

PinkCrystal · 22/10/2017 00:27

Me too. I also suspect I have ASD

ThePinkPanter · 22/10/2017 00:27

Contact the British Association of Supported Employment - BASE. If you have a disability they can put you in touch with an employment Officer who will support you. They can advocate for you, attend meetings, help you find strategies to make work as manageable as possible and negotiate reasonable adjustments. They

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 22/10/2017 00:29

"
I feltvpathetically happy earlier because I was thinking I'm in a good routine of eating well, lots of well planned nutritious meals which makes a massive difference to my health. Also on top of laundry and showering. Was thinking how I need to start a suitable exercise again and felt so deflated! I struggle so hard just to take basic care of myself how does everyone else cope so well"

Thank you for saying this, I really thought it was just me struggling. This is precisely how I feel.