To find adulthood impossible

[Wanttobeokay]

Really overwhelmed and tired today.

I am a shit employee but disability benefits have stopped so I'm at new job come Monday. Bricking it. They seem nice and it's so positive to actually have a job, I'm dreading the part where I can't keep up and get the sack.

I can talk the talk but not walk the walk. You'd think I was fairly normal to have a conversation with, but really it's like I'm 18 and floundering on the inside with so many parts of adult life.

I feltvpathetically happy earlier because I was thinking I'm in a good routine of eating well, lots of well planned nutritious meals which makes a massive difference to my health. Also on top of laundry and showering. Was thinking how I need to start a suitable exercise again and felt so deflated! I struggle so hard just to take basic care of myself how does everyone else cope so well?

I have a stack of admin tasks I need to do and the thoughts of them stress me out. I feel like there's a bottleneck in my brain, so much crap bubbling away and hopeless at sifting it and prioritising. I get so tired and stressed by things other people are mature enough to take in their stride. If I see a bug for example a wood louse in the house I can deal with it but gag and can't eat for a couple of hours, which messes with my medication which needs to go with food.

Even wearing my fucking bra stresses me out ffs. I get so tired and shut down.

I have an appointment in December for an Aspergers assessment well it's not called that these days. I suppose if they think I have it - that would explain some of my problems, but if not there is hope I can train myself to be better at basic living?

Can anyone relate? Feel hopeless just now.

Congratulations on landing your new job! That's wonderful! I reckon it takes at least six months to hit your stride, and most employers know this. You don't have to be Wonder Woman from day one. As long as you keep on top of sleep and food, you can cheat a bit with showering and laundry. Admin can get to fuck for now (except rent/mortgage, council tax and utilities - you have to pay those routinely, so if you can bear to make sure they're on direct debit, you'll have an easier time).

I'm struggling too. And I'm totally with you on the bra thing. I refused to wear one for years and then everything got bigger and clothes don't fit properly without one. Although sleep bra type things can work when I really can't face underwires. As for exercise... I reckon you take it where you can get it. A five minute walk is exercise. A ten minute walk is a bit more exercise.

And you're already doing well with food, that's a really really good start. Food is fundamentally important to your health, especially if your health is compromised. It sounds like you're getting so many things right (I slightly envy your handle on showering, it's a massive challenge for me at the moment).

Good luck on Monday, and good luck also with your ASD assessment. I hope you the assessment gives you the answers you're looking for.

can relate xoxoxox

I want to write a long and eloquent post but I can't be arsed, but I do seem to have found my people. When I was younger it was that I was the black sheep. Now I just accept that I'm me, fuck the rest of them.

How has your first day gone op x

I agree with everything you have said.

My life may not be hard in the grand scheme of things, but it is hard for me. And then I feel guilty because there are millions of people worse off than me.

Just remember that you wouldn’t have been offered the job if they didn’t think you were capable of doing it.

Sometimes I think it’s easier to do things that other people are asking of you, rather than the tasks you set yourself. There are clear timelines and boundaries to the work tasks which can make it better, rather than your own stuff, about which you can endlessly procrastinate.

Also the well planned, nutritious meals are immensely important so you should value the fact that you’re doing that. You can be extremely happy that you’ve managed to do that - it’s a thing that millions of people don’t ever manage.

Wishing you all the luck - hope today goes well. 👍