Dh always says he grew up poor. I’m sceptical.

[CredulousThickos]

He bases this on the fact they had a black and white telly until he was a teenager, no phone until he was 15, they never had a car and they went to the Isle of Wight on the train for their holidays.

He says I grew up rich because we had two tellies (one was black and white though!), a phone, two cars at times and a home computer. Oh and we went to France twice.

I reckon he’s barking. Our dads both had very similar jobs and bought their (very similar) houses for tuppence but then struggled through 15% mortgage rates. We both had piano lessons. Both wore handmade or hand me down clothes and never had Nike trainers or a Mr Frosty. Both families of five.

His parents are now minted (inheritance) and other than a few nice holidays a year they still live very frugally. Same for mine although they eat out a lot too and do have the latest things, Sky, big tv etc. ILs still have an old CRT tv and a video recorder.

So my theory is that they are just frugal people who don’t put any importance on technology or ‘things’, and that his tales of abject poverty are flights of fancy.

The funny part is, when we met he had a flat furnished with stuff he’d been given (most of it went in a skip when I moved in, I’m not kidding when I say it was grim, the sofa was falling apart). He didn’t have a landline or a pc and his mobile was a Nokia Brick (this was only 11 yers ago). He wasn’t poor at all. So his theory holds no water.

He won’t have it though. And he says I’m seeing it from my ivory tower of a privileged upbringing.

WIBU to ask his mum at Sunday lunch tomorrow?

(Lighthearted obviously before you all roast me).

If you think you grew up either poor or wealthy, what were the signifiers? Because IMO we both grew up in relative comfort.

My parents divorced when I was 8. Mum couldn't afford a tv licence, so no tv. No car, obviously. We didn't do holidays, we didn't have central heating / double glazing (Scotland in the 70s) so ice on the inside of the windows in winter, we didn't always have food, clothing came from the charity shop or jumble sales. Mum can knit but wool was way too expensive to actually buy etc etc.

Despite this, I was aware that there were children worse off than me, children who were being mistreated, children who didn't have at least one dependable parent.

So yes, your DH is a dick.

I should say, he’s not thick, he does know about real poverty. I think he means in relation to a) me and b) us now and our kids.

But he should still STFU about it.

Umm....why does it matter?

Is it supposed to be some kind of competition?

Why the fuck would you want to bring it up with his mother? What are you hoping she will say?

I agree with Cokesis Very bizzare.

Not at all bizarre. Actually, the thread has diverged somewhat from the OP. It has become people lamenting their own experiences, not people taking the piss out the OP's husband - which is how it began.

I had a privileged upbringing - piano lessons amongst other instruments, sports and activities. However my parents mortgaged up to the hilt in the late 80s, and we wore clothes from the market, I got a 2nd hand bike for Christmas etc. Frugal, not skint. As for the heating, no central heating or double glazing until 2003 in that house, so I slept freezing cold many a night.

I'm sorry to hear about the people struggling right now - sadly you are not alone. My best friend is too proud to let me help her, but she's on PIP and struggles to get through some weeks. I feel ashamed of my spending when I know what she's trying to survive on.

Disparities are shite, but it doesn't mean the OP is taking the piss or otherwise disrespecting those currently or previously living in financial dielectric straits.

A few people have mentioned thenwindows freezing on the inside. We had that; I was born in 1980 and we had no central heating until the early 90s. We lived in a council house that my parents bought (through right to buy) in 1995. Until I left home I only ever had two holidays with my parents, both within the country. My mum gave up work when I was born and my dad didn't earn much. However he did have a (tiny) car. My mum meticulously saved electricity and phone stamps so the bills weren't a shock but they were always paid. We always had enough to eat and I had new clothes and presents at Christmas and on birthdays. They found the money to send me on a school trip abroad when I was 14. We got a video recorder in 1990 when my uncle died and we inherited his, but we rented a telly for years. My parents used credit union loans for all big purchases but always made the repayments.

We were definitely working class and not well off by most people's standards but we were far from poor.

The OP's husband sounds very far from poor.

Op isn't lamenting her own situation at all. That's not what I got from it, in fact just the opposite. there are always people worse off than you , which is good to remember.

Your husband needs to grow up and get his head out of his arse!

My friend at school who I now look back on as having been from quite a poor family though I don’t think she considered that they were, had one working parent in who was a skilled labourer but not always in work and her mum sometimes did piece work like making folders. They had meat sometimes, had only decorated one room in their house and walked two miles each way to school and back because they couldn’t afford the bus cafe, and had one holiday the whole time we were at school to somewhere in the uk. But I don’t think they were poor enough for free school meals. I am sure there were very poor kids at school but I didn’t know that about them at the time.
Dh wasn’t poor but his family were feast or famine. So when his dad had work they had fancy foreign holidays etc but periods when he was out of work the holidays stopped and the piano lessons were cancelled.

If having less than someone else makes you poor then every single person in the world bar one is poor!

He needs shutting down quickly, it is very disaseful.

I think there's always scales with these things.

Some would think we grew up poor because my mum was a single mum, 3 kids, unskilled job and we'd have things like only having the heating on for an hour twice a day and freezing the rest of the time, only having hot water for a short period of time in the evening, no holidays, cheap food, clothes were all pass-ons, no tech, no TV at all etc BUT I never, ever felt poor - we were happy and had a good life. My mum was paying a mortgage and we lived in a lovely home. We never felt hungry or really noticed that we were missing out. We had family around us (including a Granny who would stuff notes from her pension into mum's pockets). I don't consider that to be poverty in any way in the slightest, just not well off. I am so thankful that I have never experienced true poverty - it fucking terrifies me and it really makes me so upset to think that we have the Tories sitting in Westminster and kids sleeping on black, rotting mattresses and such a massive gulf between the two. :(

I think as a child poverty can be relative to those around you and also your parents attitude to money. I didn't grow up poor but my parents very very frugal, too frugal, could afford to heat the bedrooms for instance but only heated theirs as "we were too poor" to heat the children, too poor for children to eat puddings with tea while adults did etc. As a pp said children wanting things was a Bad Thing and any request from me was met with a no, even if it was for a 1p sweet ....

I mean we weren't poor like some on here, but I'm getting emotional hearing about all these mums that went without, in my parents house, children went without so adults could have more

PILS are poor pensioners. He retired early fifties and had his pay off put in her name to reduce tax exposure. They holiday abroad twice a year and have numerous long weekends at golfing things. Own their own detached house, and 3 cars. But they are clearly poor, because they are retired.

Boils my piss somewhat.

My parents we’re lucky enough to have a council flat. That was a step up for my father. Am posting now as my battery is almost flat

Your DH sounds a little like my mother.

She would tell anyone and everyone how very poor she was after she and dad got divorced (she has a particular way of spitting out the word poor to add drama to her statements ) but neglected to mention the 2 tvs, the car, the holiday cottage- and the 7 bedroom house in an expensive area that my dad continued to pay for .

Poor to my mother meant that she had to find a job and had to sack the cleaner. At no point was she ever without food, clothes, a roof over her head, money coming in - it was just a lifestyle that was less than some of her contemporaries (although a hell of a lot more than others for sure)

Put that way, I guess we all could call ourselves 'poor'-my children could do so on the basis that they 'only' grew up in a 3 bed home instead of the 4 bed down the road.

They'd be wrong though.

Splodge that’s fucking horrific. That’s abusive actually. I can’t imagine.

My parents made a big song and dance about having very little money too. For example we could only afford for the kids to have one bath a week. I only ever had one pair of jeans to wear and a couple of tops. I wore the jeans till the knees went, then I would get another pair. No heating on, I remember crying with the cold and getting dressed in bed in the morning. I had to cycle three miles to school and back down a very busy road as they couldn't afford my bus fare. Not one of my friends or others living locally had to do that. They all got the bus. I had a paper round from age 13 as they didn't give me pocket money. Both my parents were working full time, they each smoked twenty a day, ran a car and went out drinking together every Friday night and sometimes Saturday too.

I think some parents make out they're very poor to justify not spending much on their kids especially back then.

The thing was I didn't think so growing up, it was normal, I thought we just couldn't afford it at that grown ups just got more, I see what it for what it is now tho, it leads to odd behaviour as an adult, I feel guilt if I buy something I want and have a bad relationship with food - binge on sweets and then feel guilty.

I feel guilt if I buy something I want and have a bad relationship with food - binge on sweets and then feel guilty.

me too! My ex H was a real twat but I remember when we hadn't long been together and I was stressing out over buying some boots, the ones I REALLY wanted were £20 more but I picked up the cheaper ones. He said "FFS! Have you ever just actually bought the thing you want rather than the cheap one that you don't even like?" I was really pulled up by that. I never had. I remember him insisting that we booked a holiday too as we could easily afford it but it just seemed such a waste to me, I really didn't want to. My parents never took us on holiday. They go on loads now though - four/five times a year.

I’m 54. My gauge for whether you were rich or not we’re just those things you mention. My best friend’s house was almost identical to ours. However, her dad was a civil servant while mine was a factory worker. They had a phone, a colour tv and a car, and went on holidays abroad. I thought this was the pinnacle of wealth whereas in reality they were only a bit wealthier than us in the grand scheme of things. So as a child I may well have agreed with your dh but he is not a child!

I would have said my parents weren’t very well off. My mum had to work part time just to cover the bills. We had no running hot water and no central heating. I remember the ice on the inside of the window and the once a week bath. We never ate out or went on holiday, well at least not until I was well into my teens. (I did have piano lessons though as a friend gave us her old piano and my df did overtime to pay for them until I won a scholarship.). However, this was luxury compared to my dad who was one of ten kids living in a two up two down. No bathroom let alone hot water! His dad was a drunk who didn’t give his mum enough to feed and clothe the kids. They were often hungry and always wore hand me down clothes. Shared a bed not just a bedroom. So, as others have said, it’s all relative.

I think your dh needs to get that chip off his shoulder. My dh grew up in the lap of luxury compared to me but it only gets mentioned when we are talking about our childhoods which isn’t very often!

I’ve plugged in again.

Our clothes were home made and I was the only person in my school whose shoes had to last the whole year, and my uniform was hand me downs, but we didn’t have free school meals. No central heating or double glazing, the council flat was 1930’s tenements. No activities or anything that required payment. Holidays were camping in Wales or Scotland.

I didn’t feel poor because 90% of my school, primary at least, and neighbourhood were in the same boat.

My Mum said the same thing Adorabell that when she was a kid they had nothing but then neither did anyone else.

Splodge I agree with a comment above. Any Mother or Father with any care would make sure the kids room was the one heated and the kids were the ones fed. I've had both kids at my parents for a few days and Sat with no heating on to make sure there was electric when they came back for them.

I've skipped meals to make sure the kids ate just as my Mum did for me.

I also have a terrible relationship with food as a result of not having access to it properly while with ex. I too can binge eat.

He grew up having some sort of meat every day. Luxury!

That used to be a saying to show someone was doing OK. "And they eat meat every day".

We weren't poor - my DF was a farmer and DSis and I went to private school for secondary school. But I can definitely identify with a lot of what is being said here. We had no central heating, and there was no heating at all upstairs, so ice on the insides of the windows in the winter, putting school uniform on while still in bed, mince and potatoes for most meals, dressed in hand-me-downs, and had very few clothes.

But that was just the way things were in 1970s. We were not at all poor.