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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My MIL despite living 15 min drive away is always saying she wants to stay round

69 replies

Mmmmmmmchips · 21/10/2017 14:43

I get her or FIL don't drive, but we always drop them.

We have a 3 bed house.
The 2nd bedroom is my DS who is 7 and has a extendable Ikea bed, and the 3rd bedroom is a small box room where we have our clothes.
She would basically be sleeping in our bed and we'd have to sleep on a blow up mattress on DSs floor.
She has a 4 bedroom house BTW

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 21/10/2017 18:47

‘But you live 5 miles away and have a perfectly fine bed of your own there Hmm!’that would be my response. MIL stays over on Christmas night and that’s it. Straight out the door before lunch on Boxing Day.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 21/10/2017 18:53

Blow-up bed on the living room floor for them. All bedding organised by dh. And send ds down to them when he wakes in the morning so you can stay in bed for a nice long lie-in. Send dh down to fetch your breakfast.

Wispygypsy · 21/10/2017 18:55

Yanbu. That would really annoy me.

coconutpie · 21/10/2017 20:59

Why on earth would you give up your bed? Tell them no! That would drive me demented.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/10/2017 21:40

If she is in your house with her DH, then order them a taxi (don't pay for it) and prepare her for leaving "Well MiL, your taxi is ordered and it'll be here in 10 minutes, you'd better say your goodbyes and here is your coat".
If your DH has a problem with this suggestion, perhaps he should drive her/them home and stay there

sharemyname · 21/10/2017 21:51

And all of the children have a bedroom and ensuite in their homes for when the time comes and a parent may need looked after.

Really? That’s why they chose houses with a spare room and en suite Hmm

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 21/10/2017 21:56

Really? That’s why they chose houses with a spare room and en suite

They don't chose a house. They have them built to suit their requirements and one of those requirements is enough room for parents or loved ones to be able to live with them if the day every comes when its necessary.

Ragwort · 21/10/2017 22:09

I'm not yet a GM but I can't think of anything worse than staying over with my DS and any future DIL or DGC Grin - I love my own space and peace far too much.

Anecdoche · 21/10/2017 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Motoko · 21/10/2017 23:51

Nice if you have the money to build a house to your requirements. It's not an option for many families though.

It also depends on your relationship with your parents. Not all parents are loving and considerate.

Miscella · 22/10/2017 00:55

Share - our house has space for parents to move in if needed. We have had the required space for the last ten years, our parents are getting older and we wanted to be prepared. I don't think it is that unusual to want to be there to support parents/in laws if needed.

I find mn to be a parallel universe a lot of the time.

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 22/10/2017 04:17

they are very fortunate to be in the financial position to do that. many many people simply are not

Where we live people build their homes with only about 1% of the population buying one thats ready made and whether you build or buy or rent your home a room for parents is as important as having a kitchen or a bathroom.

sharemyname · 22/10/2017 16:18

a room for parents is as important as having a kitchen or a bathroom.

I honestly can’t imagine anything worse.** Why even bother having your own home in the first place? Why not just stay with the parents?

Floralnomad · 22/10/2017 16:46

Well purple , you obviously do not live in the U.K. , where most people do not live with their parents and worry about how to look after them when the need arises . In the OPs case even if they were fairly infirm it would still be better to support them in their own home nearby than move them in . I totally agree with the pp , why bother to move out if you all want to live together .

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 22/10/2017 16:53

I honestly can’t imagine anything worse. Why even bother having your own home in the first place? Why not just stay with the parents?

Theres generally many decades between people setting up their marital home and the day a parent needs to be looked after and moved in with them.

You cant imagine anything worse? Thats ok. But the fact is there are many posters here who do look after parents who need cared for and they're very happy to do so.

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 22/10/2017 16:56

to support them in their own home nearby than move them in

It can get to a stage where thats not feasible.

Floralnomad · 22/10/2017 17:00

I ( when I'm healthy ) am a carer for my mother , it doesn't need to be in my home when she has a perfectly good house of her own which is set up for her disabilities . If and when she requires more care my sisters and I would take it in turns to spend nights there , which is eminently more suitable than any of our homes as it has a stair lift , disabled bath etc. Just because you don't have a room ready for ailing parents does not mean you are not prepared to care for them .

WipsGlitter · 22/10/2017 17:17

What reason goes she give for wanting to stay?

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 22/10/2017 17:36

it doesn't need to be in my home when she has a perfectly good house of her own which is set up for her disabilities

Not everyone who is looked after by a loved one has a disability so they dont really need a house thats set up for them that way. But they can have needs that mean living alone isn't ideal.

Just because you don't have a room ready for ailing parents does not mean you are not prepared to care for them

I don't understand why you felt the need to say that as no one has said otherwise. In fact I said way back on page two "Different people do different things. Its just the way it is"

Im going to bed now as late where I am so I'll just say good night, and Im sorry you don't keep well.

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